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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take old cat to new home?

24 replies

Ellieboolou27 · 07/08/2019 22:06

Looking for advice on a difficult cat situation!

My mum died suddenly a few months ago and she was the one who looked after the cat (think his around 15-16 year old).

Dad called me tonight to say he can't cope with the cat as he can't clean the litter tray, cat meows all the time for food then doesn't eat it and wants to put him to sleep! mum loved the cat and I feel so sad for him.

Would I be unreasonable to bring the cat to mine to look after him? as his elderly I can't imagine it will be for more than a few years.

Any advice from cat owners much appreciated.

OP posts:

Dementedswan · 07/08/2019 22:08

If your dad would put it to sleep and wont look after it. I'd take it in. Poor cat xxx

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 07/08/2019 22:09

If your dad doesn't mind, I'm sure there's no issue you taking the cat

JugsAndSoap · 07/08/2019 22:10

Bless you all, that's a really sad situation all round. Yes definitely the cat would be better off with you if your dad can't cope. They are probably both missing your mum.

EL8888 · 07/08/2019 22:11

Poor cat. I think it’s more than reasonable having the cat go live with you

Flibbitygibbit · 07/08/2019 22:11

My eldest cat lived until she was 22.... anyhow poor cat ☹️ If you can look after it, take it in. Sorry for your loss 🌹

Luckybe40 · 07/08/2019 22:11

I think you should definitely take the cat, buy some cat pheromones to ease the transition, poor kitty must be missing his main carer. Is the cat in good health?

LokihasafryingPan · 07/08/2019 22:19

Definitely take the cat if you can. When FIL passed SIL took his DCat, 17 years old and a couple of hundred miles away. DCat was fine once settled and lived until the ripe old age of 22!
Sorry for your loss, it must be hard for your dad

mumof2andstillsurviving · 07/08/2019 22:20

I moved out with our elderly cat; she lived to 22. My mum had threatened to put her down if I didn't take her. Those final years were her happiest. She felt safe and loved. Definitely offer to rehome the cat

powershowerforanhour · 07/08/2019 22:24

You might as well give it a lash, it's a shot to nothing if he can't or won't look after it properly and it's going to be euthansed anyway. The cat will probably settle in after a while and be happy enough to have a life worth living. But if it doesn't and needs euthanased after a trial at yours then it's no worse off. It's not cruel to try. Btw if the cat turns out to have, or develops, cognitive dysfunction (dementia, basically) severely enough that some realistically achieveable care +/- medical adjustments can't keep it reasonably happy, then don't feel crappy for euthanasing (same goes for physical decline).

Padiana · 07/08/2019 22:26

Yes, of course you should offer the cat a home if you feel able to.
But be aware: a 15 year old cat is like a 75 year old human - could have things with it and not live much longer - but equally could easily go on for another 5, 6 or even 7 years. Elderly cats often develop health problems requiring daily medication and expensive prescription food, and they become more needy for attention if they develop feline dementia - just like humans really.

Pretenditsaplan · 07/08/2019 22:27

My eldest lived till she was 23. I've never had one last less then 20 years (other then unnatural deaths such as car accidents etc). We moved when she was 15ish and we had no issues till she was 22ish. I'm confident that was cat dementia and that wasnt what killed her. Ive also adopted 16 year old cats before and they all adapted fine.

Grumpos · 07/08/2019 22:29

Take the cat and let it live last years in a loving home.
If I died and my partner put the dog down I’d bloody well haunt the old bastard!
Sorry I’m sure your dad is generally lovely but on this occasion he’s being mean!

Lolwhat · 07/08/2019 22:31

Our cat is 19 and still going strong, in her old age she has some toilet troubles, just be prepared for its health to deteriorate

SaxxedtotheMax · 07/08/2019 22:32

Look at good quality high protein dry & wet food.

My DCat has 1 pouch every morning & 60g of biscuits a day. She never cries for food.

JazzyGG · 07/08/2019 22:33

I'm sure the cat just wants some love - take him and he'll be fine. I bet your dad will miss him as soon as he's gone though!

LadyKylieShagworthy · 07/08/2019 22:33

We moved house a couple of years ago with an elderly cat. She adapted very easily and is still healthy and happy and now nearly 17.

Notthetoothfairy · 07/08/2019 22:34

That’s lovely that you would like to take in your mum’s cat. I say do it as you would give the cat more attention and affection than your dad.

Charmlight · 07/08/2019 22:34

I would take the cat, but keep it in (forever). If he doesn’t want the cat and you don’t either, then I don’t think it would be unreasonable to have it put to sleep.
There are a lot worse things that can happen to an elderly cat than being put to sleep unfortunately.

Original poster

Ellieboolou27 · 07/08/2019 23:23

Thank you for all your kind replies, he does need a special diet but since mum died I don't think he has been getting that, dad agreed to pay vet bills and I buy food etc. I love cats so he will get lots of love. Apart from old age he is ok health wise.

Shall I keep him indoors?
Was going to keep him in for 2-3 weeks then let him out in our garden, he is not an indoor cat, mum got the litter tray as she lived with me a few days a week and dad would keep forgetting to let him out so he messed indoors.

OP posts:

bellabasset · 07/08/2019 23:27

I still have one of my cats born around 9/11. In order to get them in for the night I fed them last thing at night. My boy is a bit nervous going out unless I check there's noone around to jump on him. We've just walked round the garden before bed. He'll happily spend several hours out during the day.

He eats well, sleeps on a blanket next to me, his quality of life is good. He has litter trays for night which I clean when I get up in the morning if he's used one. I have a lined bin, empty the used litter in a nappy sack and pop it in the bin.

If he's in good health, fed and kept comfortable he should settle quite quickly.

Honeyroar · 07/08/2019 23:32

Keep him in for a couple of weeks. Bring his usual bed, feed bowls and litter tray. He may be particularly unsettled already after losing your mum and his feed changing. Be kind and play it by ear.

altiara · 07/08/2019 23:36

I’d keep him for a week or 2 to get used to his new home and then let him out in the garden with you there. Maybe train him to come back if you shake a box of cat biscuits. (obviously I don’t mean train the cat, I mean let the cat train you to feed cat treats all of the time )

ElPontifico · 07/08/2019 23:40

Adopting the cat would be a truly kind thing to do.

I've adopted older ones than that and it has been very rewarding. People often write off the old geezers, but they have a lot of love to give and often show more affection and gratitude than the young ones. You have the chance to let them live out their old age in a happy home.

If she has been used to going outdoors then I would only keep her indoors for 2-3 weeks, and then start letting her out.

Sooner or later she will develop health problems and ultimately probably need to be put down. But she could have years of good life in front of her first. It sounds like it's your dad who's having trouble coping, not the cat who's being particularly demanding.

ElPontifico · 07/08/2019 23:46

P. S. It sounds like your dad is not at all good at taking care of the cat - not giving her her special food and forgetting to let her out. No surprise if the poor cat is reacting badly to this. The sooner she has proper care the better.

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