To feel judged for not going back to work yet.

[Shootingstar1115]

DS is 8, DD is just 4 and due to start school in September but we have been in contact with the school apart starting her part time rather than full days.

Anyway, OH works long hours, earns an ok wage, we own our home and just about manage financially and I’ve been a stay at home mum since DS was small.

I must add, both DC have additional needs which makes things harder. DS has autism, DD has a mild physical disability, global developmental delay and an expressive speech disorder.

Everyone keeps asking when I’m going back to work. I plan to and I want to but it’s not as easy as that. OH works alternate shifts every week so finding a job around his hours is near impossible.

We live in the middle of nowhere. I would have to travel at least 15 miles for a job I would imagine. I would need to find a job 10am-2pm but then again DD is potentially only going part time to start with giving me no time to get a no.

Our families don’t help. The local schools do breakfast and after school clubs on certain days but these are costly and I don’t think DS would cope with it and DD wouldn’t cope with the long days. She will barely cope with 6 hours (hence the possible part time).

What other options are there? Myself and other half have consisdered both working part time around each other’s hours (perhaps in the same place) but he has a decent job and decent wage where he is and we would proably be worse off this way.

What am I going to do whilst their at school? Other than stay home and clean (I wouldn’t do a lot else, I don’t have many friends or hobbies).

I’ve thought about joining the school as a TA but I am not sure it’s for me tbh.

Feeling guilty for not contributing a wage to the household and being seen as ‘lazy’ which in all honesty is far from the truth. I am up at 5am every day, my kids are full on all day, they don’t even go to the toilet themselves and I can’t go upstairs without them following me. I don’t get five minutes to myself and DS takes hours to go to bed where I have to lie with him. I also care and clean for my elderly grandparents! One exhausted mamma

How do working parents do it? I’m exhausted as it is!

Aibu to want to be a stay at home mum for a little bit longer? Maybe I’ll take a few months to decorate the house whilst their at school!

It sounds like you have more than enough on your plate.
When DD starts part time you won’t have any ‘free’ time as you will constantly be on a school run. Once, all going well, she goes full time then you will need to develop a daytime schedule which gives you what you need. It is vital that the school time which isn’t taken up by household chores and admin is used to recharge your battery. What did you do for relaxation before you had DC? This could be a guide to how you might spend your days - unless you relaxed by going clubbing

Ignore the judges and do what works for you.

I'm in a very similar position op except my DC are 8 & 11 and I still haven't gone back to work. It's not as easy as people think.

School holidays are 14 weeks a year...I have no family who could look after them or regularly pick them up from school. Sickness would be a nightmare. One of my DC has minor special needs which means I take them to many appointments and also means not all childcare would be suitable.

Working would be a nightmare and cause hideous stress to our family.

We are not especially well off but I'm very careful with money...

You just have to ignore people. Don't get a job because of what other people think. If you want to do something for yourself, why not start with a very few hours volunteering in something that interests you once your youngest is at school?

Fuck their judgements, you don't need to justify anything to them

Zombie thread from 2019!