About car situation?

[Mummyinlove1987]

So i am a SAHM at the moment, and last spring we went down to one car to save money (as DH got a job back in our town which he could bike to)
I sold my older and 3 door but great little car, and started using our main family one instead.Then unfortunately DH had problems at work (workplace bullying basically) and it transpired things were much worse than I realised there and so he had to leave suddenly and since has needed to work a driving distance away.

I have managed for about 15mths now without a car.Its been practically do-able as there are parks,town and toddler group in walking distance, but at times I have just felt trapped.
I do lots at home with 2yo DD and take her out every day but it's always the same pattern each week due to the limited activities available within walking distance.

We swopped our car for a different one and paid outright (some each) in March so have no finance each month now, but still can't really afford another car again I don't think, with all the running costs aswell as the purchase, until next year when I will hopefully will go back to work when we feel DD is ready for nursery.I have taken DH into work (30min drive away) and collected him afew times, and it has been nice to have the car, but not sure it will be doable on a regular basis.

What I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable about is;
A) Managing without a car and
B) DH has a work colleague who lives around the corner but he is being funny about car sharing even though the colleague has offered and I've suggested doing so maybe half the week as a compromise :-/

Thanks in advance for replies!

He's got options, but is refusing them! I'd ask him why his choice to mot car means you're the one left without a car with a baby in tow all day every day. Assume its left parked up all day while he's working?
YANBU! On the face of it hes being an arse.

Car share with his friend sounds like a solution . Thurs-Friday one week and mon -wed the following week and repeat . Each week you’ll have the car for either 2 or three days . Or every other day ?

You are not being unreasonable about not having a car - it’s great you’ve done it for 15 months and better for environment etc. However, it’s perfectly reasonable to now want to have a car to use.
What is your husband’s hesitation about sharing the ride to work? It seems a good compromise for him to go with his colleague three days a week. He can drive himself (and give his colleague a lift) or you could drive and drop the remaining two.

I could never not have my own car! I would rather cut back on any other perks.

Stop asking, it is your car too. Just tell him you need it on mon-weds for example and he needs to find another way to work

He could car swop half a week as PP said, he picks colleague up when he drives.

Is it an option to drop him to work? Or closer to work?

Do any of your friends have cars for the short-term and getting you out and about? When DS was a toddler we often went out with friends for the day - DS and friend would find it funny being in the back of the car together and usually the one not driving would pay for lunch or petrol and ice creams - it used to feel like a proper adventure!

Could you drop him off at work and pick him up,or is it too long a commute? If not I don't understand why he wouldn't car share a couple of days a week to allow you to escape for more exciting days out.

YANBU.

Your DH is coming across to me as selfish over the car.

Plus, if you both paid towards it surely you should have a reasonable use of it?

It is easier for your DH to find another way to get to work, workmates etc, than it is for you to go to other places with a toddler in tow.

I do understand your husbands reluctance to accept a lift. I hate getting lifts, it's the waiting around and the feeling obligated to that person, I've cycled 10 miles to work in the past rather than have a lift.

I have also been stuck at home with 2 kids without a car too, and that's even worse.

As pps have said you need to decide on 2 or 3 days and tell him you're having the car those days, then he still gets to drive the other days.

Or could you drive him in and he just has to get a lift home, it was waiting around for my lift in the mornings that used to do my head in.

Thanks so much for all the replies- i have taken and collected DH afew times recently from work (which is about a 25min 11 mile journey each way) but I think it would be abit much doing it on a regular basis.

DH and I had a big old argument about it all last night.I have basically said I really do need something to change and whilst we didn't really settle anything as we were both angry we have said we will talk again tonight. I think we will look at whether we can just about afford to have a run around car for him to use for work and back as there doesn't seem to be another viable option.He said the reason he doesn't want to car share is because he likes having that adjustment time inbetween work and home to himself to relax with a coffee and listen to his music etc, and thinks trying to keep making conversation etc would be awkward with this person.
He is a very devoted husband and usually very selfless about things, probably too much at times as he doesn't really go out and do much by himself or socialise and only has one friend who lives a while away and isn't close to his family .He works hard for us to allow me to stay at home and bring up DD which I really appreciate, but we are very different in the sense that I am drawn towards being sociable whereas he tends to shy away from it.

DD is adorable and I love spending time with her but she is also a very intense and demanding character at times so I do sometimes struggle keeping her occupied and not being able to just jump in the car and get out makes it worse.Also there are multiple activity groups just outside our town which DD would enjoy but atm I can't get to.

I have had afew lifts to places with mummy friends and my parents, but its difficult atm as DD's car seat is rear facing isofix and a bugger to take in and out of different cars.

Yes happinessischocolate, I do think it's the lack of independence and control over timings etc that he is struggling with