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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to leave 12 year old home alone?

15 replies

ineedaholiday2 · 07/08/2019 17:18

Dear all,

As you all know, we are in the midst of summer holidays. I hadn't planned any childcare because I intended to spend the summer off, but a great opportunity has arisen and I need to go back to work earlier than expected.

The problem is that DD (12) refuses to go on holiday with my mom and the rest of our family. Her dad and I are not together and whilst he has to work too, he could look after her a couple of days a week. But that still leaves us with three days in which I have nobody to look after her, and she has asked me to leave her at home alone with our dog. She is a sensible child and I have left her alone for 4-5 hours in the past (with phone and food!), but I am insecure as to whether I could leave her alone from 8am to 6pm. Any thoughts? Ideas? AIBU? Should I just throw stay home and let this opportunity pass? Any comments or just a pat in the back would be much appreciated. Thanks! :)

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/08/2019 17:19

She's 12 and you need to go to work, tell her she has to go with your parents, end of

Original poster
ineedaholiday2 · 07/08/2019 17:19

Sorry, didn't mean a pat on the back as in 'well done!', but a virtual hug or some sign of sympathy.

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 07/08/2019 17:22

3 days? I would. Could you buy her a film or a new thing to open on one of the days, just so it's not so long. And maybe see if she can go round to a friend's house one afternoon if the 3 days are consecutive.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/08/2019 17:23

Yes for three days it’s fine. Much longer and it would be a bit boring .

GruciusMalfoy · 07/08/2019 17:24

At 12 I'd have been fine doing this. In fact I'm sure I was doing it for much of the summer holidays! If you think she's mature enough, I don't see why it's a problem.

Pipandmum · 07/08/2019 17:24

My daughter wouldn’t like to be on her own that long but I know of two girls ( not in sane family) that have both parents working full time that are left during the day during half term and the like at that age. The girls are quite confident and one will take the bus into town to meet up with my daughter. So it depends on how she feels and how mature she is.

kerkyra · 07/08/2019 17:26

I'm in a similar boat with my eleven year old,as this is the first summer holidays I've left him. Just for mornings. No family living near by to help and his father(my ex) has said he cant help out in the week.
I think if she has a neighbour she can go to if anything cropped up,or she could call you and you could get home if there was an emergency, she should be ok for the three days.

adaline · 07/08/2019 17:26

She'll be absolutely fine.

I was home alone all summer at that age.

IceRebel · 07/08/2019 17:28

I wouldn't. Not because of her age, but because I wouldn't leave a child alone with a dog.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 07/08/2019 17:28

My dd is almost 12 and I wouldn't feel happy leaving her for that long. Would you be able to pop home at lunch time?

HoneyBee03 · 07/08/2019 17:29

I think you'd be fine to leave her. I remember being at home on my own a lot aged 12, I was fine and loved it. I was out of school for a few months (another story) and my mum had to work and my siblings were at primary school. I would lie-in which made the day a bit shorter, my mum would make sure I had plenty for lunch and she would write me a little list of things to do around the house so that I wouldn't just sit in front of the tv all day.

The only time I remember having a problem was when I found a spider in the lounge so I barricaded myself upstairs all day!

legolimb · 07/08/2019 17:30

I would do it if she is happy to be left.

LookAtThatRedSheep · 07/08/2019 17:32

My dc we’re home alone from starting secondary school - no choice as childcare/clubs/play schemes stop at year 6 in our village.
Luckily I only worked 5 mins walk away and they were welcome to come on site but they rarely did.

spam390 · 07/08/2019 17:35

You know your DC best. If you think she'll be fine at home alone then I'm sure she will be.

If you have doubts, then I agree with AryaStarkWolf, that you are the parent and you make the decisions, she doesn't get to decide to be left alone until you think she is ready.

Whether you allow her or not, you need to feel confident in your decision and stick to it. If you think she'll be fine then you can always add caveats such as

  1. No friends over.
  2. She has to have her phone at all times.
  3. She eats what you give her e.g sandwich etc and does not cook anything while alone in the house.
  4. If she does anything you're not happy about, you will make alternative childcare arrangements immediately.

Trust your instincts. :)

GreenishPurple · 07/08/2019 17:59

You know your kid, if you think she would be fine, then leave, 12 is old enough.
However she refuses to go to your mums? That's not ok, if you need her to go your mums, she goes, that's it.

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