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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DH should see his GP

30 replies

shortandfartoocurly · 07/08/2019 17:16

DH is tired, unnaturally tired. He’s sleeping well and as much as he ever did, but he’s struggling to stay awake at work and then falling asleep when he gets home. As well as this he has an incredibly bloated stomach, he’s tall an slim and has beach ball in the middle. The bloat does go up and down. He doesn’t want to see his GP and is talking about taking vitamins, I think he should have a check up. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 07/08/2019 17:19

You could do what we do to each other:

Me: Go and see the doctor.
Him: No.
Me: Stop whining then.
Him: Stop nagging.
Me: I'll stop nagging when you go to the doctor.

And then nag him. Every. Single. Day.

Good luck!

SnuggyBuggy · 07/08/2019 17:23

I'd be nagging my DH if it were me

Silversky70 · 07/08/2019 17:26

Make an appointment for him, it will only be a blood test initially I would think.

DeRigueurMortis · 07/08/2019 17:30

Yes he need to see a GP.

It's also not "nagging" it's expressing concern for his health. Would he prefer you didn't care?

Do you have children? If so I'd point out he has a duty of care not only to himself but to you and his children to keep himself healthy.

I'd also ask him how he'd feel if if found out it was something that could have been resolved if he'd seen a GP sooner, but ended up as life changing/threatening because he'd failed to act.

Bear in mind he might not want to go because he's scared it's something awful. However burying your head in the sand isn't the answer.

Book an appointment and make him go - his symptoms are not normal.

TapasForTwo · 07/08/2019 17:30

He MUST see his GP. It clearly isn't going to resolve itself on its own.

I like StCharlotte's advice.

HavelockVetinari · 07/08/2019 17:33

Yes he does need to see the GP! Lots of men die because they refuse to get worrying symptoms checked out because they're afraid of bad news. The irony is that the things that kill you tend to be more treatable the earlier they're diagnosed.

www.mdanderson.org/publications/focused-on-health/why-men-wont-go-doctor-and-how-to-get-them-there.h23-1591413.html

Your DH's symptoms ought to be checked out as soon as possible.

AngelasAshes · 07/08/2019 17:34

He should see his GP.
But you’re not alone if he refuses idiotically.
My DH refused to see GP about his unusual indigestion pains. He popped gaviscon like tic tacs. Said real men don’t see the Dr about a bit of heartburn unless they are a whiny hipster.
Then one night had to call 111 (he was writhing in pain telling me not to)
Anyway, he’s carted off to hospital in an ambulance and the next day has a walnut in its shell sized gall stone removed. It was so big, they had to remove it and his gall bladder in one go.

So, by all means nag. Don’t be afraid to say I told you so either....

ClaireC1751 · 07/08/2019 17:41

Please, please get him to go to the doctor. I don't want to scare you but his symptoms sound very similar to how my DH was when he was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer. He was only 32 at the time so no one expected it to be that. I hope you manage to get through to him x

CloserIAm2Fine · 07/08/2019 17:48

Yes he needs to see the GP

My father almost died when he ignored worrying symptoms for far too long, ended up requiring emergency surgery and a lengthy stay in ICU with family being summoned from overseas.

I very much hope your DH is not seriously ill and there’s a good chance it’s something minor. But why take the risk?

TalbotAMan · 07/08/2019 17:53

He should get that checked out. It could be a lot of things from IBS to coeliac to bowel cancer. Some of them are quite serious.

You don't say how old it is but, particularly if he is young, you may need to keep the pressure up as GPs can, in my experience, be dismissive. It wasn't until I'd turned 50 that they started taking some of my symptoms seriously, even though they had been present for many years previously.

So if they don't provide a definite diagnosis that's backed up by tests and if he doesn't improve, keep on it.

TalbotAMan · 07/08/2019 18:00

Oh and one of the major problems with men and GPs (it affects women too) is that they are organised in a way that is significantly incompatible with a 9-5 Mon-Fri job where you can't just dip out in the middle of the day for an appointment. My work is a bit more flexible than most but at my practice it is so difficult to get any appointment at all with a doctor that there are several things I have that I should get looked at but never manage too.

SunshineCake · 07/08/2019 18:08

YANBU

He must go. Selfish not too.

PinkSubscriber · 07/08/2019 18:18

Please tell him to see GP. Was going to say bowel cancer too. Same symptoms as my dh. I would hate anyone to go through what we have. It’s probably not, but blood in poo isn’t the only symptom of BC in young people.

Original poster
shortandfartoocurly · 07/08/2019 18:34

My DH is 50 next month, never had any health problems...but far too busy at work to take time out for an appointment. I will keep on nagging him and I think I’ll make him an appointment myself. He’s so fucking stubborn!

OP posts:
kidsmakesomuchwashing · 07/08/2019 19:49

My DH has a dodgy mole and in the end I had to withhold sex to get him to go to the GP!

MrsMozartMkII · 07/08/2019 19:54

My DH goes now when I tell him to, i.e. when I can see he's really hurting or there's an issue, probably only because I've told him I'm the one who'll have to be looking after him and I'd really rather he got help sooner rather than later.

OP I hope your DH gets his arse in gear and if it's anything then it's easily fixed.

SunshineCake · 07/08/2019 22:07

There's a young boy growing up without his dad as he wouldn't go to the doctor. When he finally did it was too late. Not manly apparently. Tell him he must go.

JustDanceAddict · 07/08/2019 22:15

He def needs to go. Those symptoms are worrying.

DontBeOffensive · 07/08/2019 22:18

Wtf they are two classic symptoms of bowel cancer. Get him sorted OP. Men are like children. Book him a day off from work via his boss, tell her you're taking him on a surprise day out. Hold hand. Take to GP.

Butterfly02 · 07/08/2019 22:32

Just made my dh an appointment at GPS because he wouldn't just hope he goes!

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 07/08/2019 22:58

Is there a chance he's googled his symptoms and is worried? I'd make an appointment for him honestly

Original poster
shortandfartoocurly · 07/08/2019 23:00

DH works for himself so he is in theory flexible for appointments, I just told him I am going to make him an appointment tomorrow and he came out with excuse after excuse as to why I shouldn’t. It’s going to be hard work, but I’m not letting it lie!

OP posts:
ispepsiok · 07/08/2019 23:02

I'd make the appointment then tell him that if he doesn't want to go then he needs to cancel himself.

TapasForTwo · 07/08/2019 23:05

Show him this thread

CaptainCarp · 07/08/2019 23:16

Definitely get him to go to the doctors. I don't want to scare you but a friend of mine has similar issues which they put down to a virus to start with but then found out he had stomach cancer.
Luckily they caught it fairly early & he had it removed & is on the road to recovery.

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