To tell him he can't have 1 DC without the other?

[naneee]

So totally open minded here! Which is why I posted on here to see if maybe I'm overreacting

There's a big back story which would take hours to go into, but basically EXP hasn't been a good father t our Ds for a variety of reasons, false promsies, letting them down, not making them a priority etc etc

Recently he's started asking for our older Ds and not the younger one, for days here and there, fishing etc, also doesn't take them overnight EVER (his choice) but had older Ds for a sleepover a few weeks ago. younger Ds gets very upset because he doesn't get to go

Should add he never asks to take younger Ds on his own

Aibu to say no take them both or none of them??

Hmmm

My ex often has one as we both like time with just one but it is surly equal. They’re old enough to tell him when they want to see him.

Can you explain that you get son is upset?

You most definitely are not being unreasonable at all. It’s not fair on the younger child at all to be left out, it may be that the eldest is easier to amuse but frankly, that’s too bad I think I would say you either have both at the same time or you have each of them another day, I understand that it might upset the daughter who he is seeing but she needs to understand how her sister feels. How old are they?

I'd tell him how much time he owes the younger one and that he needs to make it even and not play favourites.
I was raised by a lone parent, and never did one on one visits. My sister was the one constant I had, but one to one time would have been nice if it was fair.

I wouldn't allow that, okay if he sees both of them individually but not just the older one. Have you spoken to him about how it'll make the younger one feel? Okay if he's too young for fishing trips etc but even one to one over an ice cream would help to even it up.

Nothing wrong with him having them both individually but he can't just not see the younger one!

Cheeky fucker.

If there is a big enough age gap to warrant doing different activities I can understand taking one without the other.

But it's got to be even. So no sec9nd trip with dc1 until dc2 has had a day with dad.

Aibu to say no take them both or none of them??

I think I’d say “take them both or take them separately for roughly equal amounts of time or neither of them”. One on one can be lovely for kids, but it only works when it’s fair and one child isn’t excluded. Sounds rotten for your DS2 at the moment.

My ex was like this & it was purely selfish - he found it tiring to manage more than kid at a time. It’s unfair if one kid is not getting the same 1 on 1 time and if you don’t get time to yourself & make him parent both of them together like you have to