To ask how you overcame severe depression?

[MouldyApple]

I could do with a lift today, I don't know how to get out of the mess I'm in. I have severe depression due to an extremely bad childhood & I'm now taking my parents to court - but it's a slow process. I'm unemployed and cacking myself how I'll ever get back into work. (haven't worked for 25yrs & no real qualifications). I'm deeply involved in therapy but I just have no self-belief. I feel scared & humiliated in front of my neighbours who know something's going on but not what. I think I must be the local 'nutty' lady. I just feel absolutely petrified most of the time. I had to go NC with my whole family because they're toxic & I left my marriage because it was coercive & abusive too.

I have two good friends but the healthier I get through my therapy, the less they like me because my progress forwards highlights how they're not dealing with the abuse in their own relationships. I feel isolated.

When I was young I had an unfallable belief that I'd make it out alive - away from my horrendous parents. Now I'm older, I no longer have that self-belief. I have no idea how to get stronger/braver & break out from my terrified place. Soon my savings will run out & then I'll have to sell my house. Then what will happen?

If you've managed to get yourself out from a place like me, please tell me how you did it. What made the difference? Many thanks

1- self care
2- self care
3- self care

Write a to do list which revolves around looking after yourself and making yourself feel better. And that’s it. All the other chores are second priority.

Push yourself to have a bath. Facial mask.. do a nice hairstyle. Go out for a walk somewhere nice l.

Likely you were neglected as a child and so you don’t realise how when your reserves are low the whole world looks gloomy in your eyes... everything will seem like an obstacle,

When you care for yourself your brain is no longer on survival mode and you cope better with life.

Read a book. Meditate. Have a laugh with an old friend. Watch a movie with someone.

Don’t deal with your issues with parents before you feel mentally strong.

Is the book “Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Dr Melanie Fenell?” @RickJames?

I read about it on here and I’m currently making my way through it.

to OP. I’m in the thick of it at the moment too. Thanks for starting the thread, you are helping others through it.

Have you ever watched any Richard Grannon YouTube videos? His advice has helped me more than private therapy which I was just getting stuck in a loop with. There’s a great book about Complex PTSD by Pete Walker which I’m guessing you suffer from if the roots of your depression are from childhood/parent issues.

Honestly, I started by sorting out my house. Anything with bad memories was chucked out, then i got crafty. Just small things at first like painting a lamp stand with cheap craft paint, I then moved on to bigger things in the house, just making them more me. I found it very therapeutic and at the same time i was turning my house into my sanctuary. I continued with counselling even on the days i really felt i could and continued with medication. Find something that makes you happy and go for it, it always helps to have something positive to focus on with visible results, even something like learning to do nail art on yourself by watching tutorials or learning origami. I promise you things do get better, sometimes it feels like you're doomed to be miserable forever but it passes.

I just came here to say I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you will overcome this terrible part of your life

Please trust therapy and take care of yourself

Medication, cbt & learning to live with it. Find things to distract yourself, I was taught by my cbt therapist to have a "toolbox" of things to do if I was having a bad day, things like adult colouring, music, crochet, nice bath with candles, smelly stuff, going for a walk.

Thanks for the recommendations, I shall follow them up. Especially Richard Grannon as I've never heard of him before.

@NameChange84

Yes! Thats the one. Thanks for adding that.

Will have a look at Richard Grannon too.

@growlingbear That is the best post on how to live with depression that I've ever read.

Realising the critical, moaning voice in my head wasn't the real me and I had a choice whether to listen to it or not. Power of Now helped massively with that, though I had to read it about 5 times over 18 months before I really got it.

@growlingbear your post is amazing. Thank you. I've screenshotted it to save for bad days.

Thank you @Luscinia and @LittleFairywren. I've had a lot of practise. (Not sure whether to put a grin or sad face emoji there!)

I'm having a bad evening so I'm going to do something I enjoy and press pause for a bit. Such a useful way of thinking about it.

to you too @LittleFairywren

You’ve done so well to get this far. You must be very strong

I’ve had severe depression since I was a child. No reason. It just happened. So I didn’t get on with talking therapies like CBT. What has worked for me is finally, finally having a fantastic GP who got me a fantastic psychiatrist, who tried me on countless combinations of drugs until we found one that worked. Lots didn’t work, but I had to give them a fair crack at the whip first. They weren’t without their downfalls - I could sleep 24hrs straight if no one woke me up - but I’d take that over feeling like I did.

So are you on anything at the moment? Have you tried various different antidepressants?

People may not like this answer but for me personally it was religion that got me out of depression. I went to church, studied the Bible, and started to make sense of why things would be hard by looking at the lives of Mary and Jesus, and their suffering. I started to understand that God really loved those who suffered and I started to let go of my anger, just let everything go. I hope things get better for you OP.

you can judge by my post yesterday that I do still have some bad days. But I have had a lot of intensive CBT to deal with issues that have been long-standing for years but also more recent ones. Turns out I had a lot I needed to talk about. and I've been on antidepressants for about 6 months and I'm having far more good days than bad days now. As long as I remember to take care of myself as well as everyone else.

May not be practical for you, but getting a dog worked wonders for me. The combination of unconditional love, getting out daily for a walk, and chatting to others about our feline friends has helped loads. My dog doesn't worry about work, money, Brexit, Boris Johnson etc, all she needs to make her happy are food, a comfy bed, and someone to throw a ball around the park.