To be finding the summer holidays a struggle?

[AliciaWhiskers]

I’ve got 2 DC, split from their dad so we each have half of the holidays. I have the kids with me for the first half.

I forget every year how hard I find it, but this year is especially hard.

• we moved House 2 weeks ago and everywhere I look there are boxes. The clutter makes me mega stressed, so I’m trying to sort it, but that means I can’t play with the kids, so I feel I’m failing at both
• we’ve got my partner’s dog here and he is working, so I can’t take the kids out for the day to eg the zoo as we can’t leave the dog by herself for too long
• my partner and I have just had a failed round of IVF
• my eldest has ASD, so he takes a lot of work anyway, which means I feel like I am always not being good enough for DS2, and he is wanting to FaceTime his dad twice a day and says he can’t wait to go to his dad’s house
• I’ve eaten a load of crap the last few days, which makes me feel really shitty as I’ve had eating disorders in the past and I don’t want to slip back into bingeing again. I also feel guilty about this because we are likely to try another round of ivf and I’ve probably messed it up by eating terribly

Sorry for the woe is me post. I’m just struggling today. I wanted the kids to have a lovely summer with me, and I just feel as though I’ve failed

Oh my love. Please go easy on yourself. The moving thing alone would be enough but the ivf too? The boxes can wait. Parks are free & dog friendly. Woods with walks even. Please please take the pressure off. Sending love xxx

Agree to go out with them as much as possible. Can you invite a friend each to go for a picnic somewhere with a play area. How old are they? Even if just for younger one so he can go and play with a friend while you spend time with ds1. The boxes can wait until they are at their dad's.

I would suggest:

1. Schedule 30 mins a day of unpacking. Hopefully the kids can help. So you will feel that you are doing something but it won’t eat up too much of your time with them. After 30 mins, stop and focus on DC.
2. Long day trips are off due to dog, so plan trips involving the dog. How far are you from yet beach? Or a country park with a trail for the DC and a cafe after?
3. Remove junk food from the house (if you want some for the DC then make a box for them each which can’t be touched by you). Stock up on fruit/healthy snacks instead.
4. Cut yourself some slack. The holidays are intense, esp when one of yours has additional needs. My DC are having a good summer but we watch a family movie together every day (split into shorter parts) because I NEED that time to drink tea and gather my strength. A lot of effort goes into choosing the right films, the DC absolutely love them and I need the break. They can have bickered like hell but will laugh like drains together at the right film.

What was said above. Go easy on yourself, there's all year round to unpack etc

I wouldn't worry about what you are eating too much, won't affect IVF at all and a lot of people eat junk food from time to time.

I would leave the boxes for the moment - can unpack them later, as long as have essentials out. Probably easier when kids go to their Dads.

Could you get an annual pass to zoo and go for shorter days more often if you go a few times a year. Or could your partner walk his dog at lunchtime or come home not too late. Or do shorter activities like cinema, trampoline park, swimming, bowling if that's quicker.

I would do the opposite to whats been suggested! I would resolve to sort the house out first.Get everything in order then your mind will be in order.I cannot function in chaos and it makes me miserable and crabby.If you sort the main problem out first then you will be able to sit back and relax abit.By constantly looking at what needs to be done it is souring everything else.Bet the kids will be more content too if their home is sorted.It seems like you are trying to juggle so much you cant really achieve anything.You arent letting anyone down at all.Can the kids perhaps go to grannies house for a few days to give you some space to crack on with the house? Do you have a garden? If so get the kids to make a tent with an old sheet or something and then they can have a picnic n it when its done. Or forget the lot book a dog walker for the day who can come in and take the dog out for you and bugger off out to the zoo! It might cos a few quid but it would mean you could have your day out in peace knowing all was ok at home.Its hard to think straight when you feel bogged down.Please dont be so hard on yourself you are juggling alot of plates and probably doing a great job but if your tired out you wont be able to see that.Dont be so hard on yourself OP..you deserve a break too.

Thank you for the replies.

I would love to ignore the boxes, because r everywhere I look there are boxes and clutter, which totally stress me out. I’ve tried to go out more over the last couple of days (so I don’t have to be amongst the boxes!) but the weather hasn’t been great, and the weekend is looking worse (although at least DP will be back by then so he can take responsibility for the dog).

I will unpack more once the kids go back to their dad’s next week, but I feel snappy and grumpy at the moment because of the mess, so I feel like they are having a crap time. I’m trying my best though.

Yes to having a lot of plates to juggle at the moment. It’s been a stressful couple of months

I think the dog restricting you taking your DC out is plainly unfair. He needs to pay for a dog sitter at least two or three days a week so you and your DC can go out and enjoy the holidays.

Advice is you can go out and leave ddog on its own for up to 4hours.

The dog thing is part of a wider problem that I need to address. We don’t leave her longer than 4 hours, but it’s quite restricting, and my ASD son hates the rain and getting wet, so getting her walked when the weather is shit is really difficult too.

Leave the boxes as much as possible. You don't want to look back on your half of the holidays and regret not spending the time with the Dc.

I know this doesn't help now, but in future can you do half the holidays but more like half the week or a week on/week off?? So it is more manageable and you don't feel you have to cram everything into a couple of weeks.
I sympathise- we do half holidays each. I really miss the days I don't have them. But get housework etc done instead