This shouldn't be allowed should it?

[newmumintown]

I left my abuser 2 years ago. Since then, his behaviour towards me, directly and through the children (×3) has proved to me that he puts his hatred towards me ahead of his love of the children. This includes bad-mouthing me to them, calling me a bully, aggressive behaviour towards me (police involvement), withholding communication (during holiday contact I have had 2 phone calls in 3 weeks...no video calls, which he insists on for himself). He forces me to collect them from places I dont want to go ("or I'll just keep them"), hides money from CMS so he doesn't need to pay maintenance, whilst working in a very well paid sector.
I sit here, having not spoken to my children (and more importantly, they haven't been able to speak to their mother) for over a week, not knowing if he is going to show up tonight to drop them back to me as he won't take my calls.
I've asked for help, social services are not interested, even when one of the children told their teacher they were scared of him.
AIBU that it's so totally unfair that I have to hand my children over to this man week after week knowing he is damaging them emotionally and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it, because unless he's physically hurting them, absolutely nobody cares.

You need to get to family court and get an order in place. Are you entitled to legal aid? You will still get 30 minutes free legal advice from some services.

I feel for you and am in a very similar position although my ex is a bit more stealthy about it.

I’ve been through courts and you’re right, unless there is a fear of physical danger nobody wants to know. It’s horrible

Have you got a court order stating contact arrangements? If so, is he sticking to the arrangements? If not, you could take him back to court to sort out arrangements like a min of 2 calls a week, time and place for handover etc.

If not, you can just refuse to send them to him (assuming they do not want to go as they are scared?) and tell him to take you to court telling him you do not feel the children are safe in his care. Keep a diary of everything that happens so that you have date time etc of his behaviour towards you and how it affects the kids.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/making-agreements-about-your-children/your-child-arrangements-arent-working/

The court order just says the level of contact he should have (ie every other weekend and half of holidays). I will have to take a deep breath, cuddle my children when I see them and talk to my solicitor in the morning. Thanks for listening...feeling sorry for myself and the children

Definitely seek legal advice and go back to court for additions to contact to include communication during time away from you etc. Keep it all official as you have and don’t get drawn into any heated discussions about it. He’s trying to manipulate and dominate you still.

My cousin started refusing to go and see her dad on access visits at the age of 6 (he would leave her with his new Wife and her kids, and spend very little time with her, and he’d been quite aggressive to my auntie a few times, in front of her). He took my Auntie to court for access where my cousin was being prepared to go into a family court and essentially be interviewed as to why she didn’t want to see him. Right before it was due to go ahead, he withdrew his rights and that was that. No contact since that day but he always paid the CS, which is something I suppose.

I Hope you get something sorted OP.

Thank you it's good to hear it can work out for the best.