Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Texting stepchild

18 replies

SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 17:09

My step daughter got a phone for her birthday last month (paid for by H and I).

I think the initial novelty means that she is texting everyone at the moment including me.

Texts are mostly initiated by her usually sending me a funny picture or telling me about her day, asking what I'm doing etc...

I will sometimes send her a picture of our pet (she's obsessed with her and loves seeing cute pics of her).

H mentioned that her mum isn't very happy that we message. AIBU to say this is a bit extreme? 9 times out of 10 it's me replying to a message I've received and typically just something like 'aw that's nice' or 'have a nice day' etc...

Am I doing anything wrong here?! I'm talking 3-4 messages a week if that.

OP posts:
SteadyAreYouReady · 06/08/2019 17:10

She needs to calm down

VeThings · 06/08/2019 17:13

How olds is step-DD? If she’s young, perhaps her DM is worried that she’s spending too much time on the phone (did your DH discuss and agree with her mum that step-DD should have a phone?)

You’re not unreasonable for responding to texts, better than step-DD thinking you’re ignoring her.

Nanny0gg · 06/08/2019 17:13

Was her mum happy that she has a phone?

Original poster
SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 17:14

Maybe its because it's during her time with mum and it makes her uncomfortable? I don't know. But like I say she texts everyone at the moment, H gets a message every hour or so haha.

OP posts:
SummerInTheVillage · 06/08/2019 17:14

Her mum needs to keep her nose out. If you, DH and DSD are happy stuff what she thinks.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/08/2019 17:14

That sounds a bit petty to me.

DS1 has more text contact with his SM than he does his own Dad (dad is shit), doesn't bother me at all.

DSD1 and I communicate most days via texts, her Mum hates it but then she hates me because I wouldn't engage with her bullshit when DP and I got together.b

Original poster
SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 17:15

Sorry yes to be absolutely clear mum was spoken to about the phone before we even mentioned it to DD or seriously considered getting one for her. It was agreed between them that she would get one for her birthday from us.

OP posts:
whothedaddy · 06/08/2019 17:16

was the phone situation discussed with her mum?
I'd be really annoyed if my ex bought my DD a phone without discussing it with me first. (she is almost 10 FWIW)

If the phone was agreed then I think her mum is being silly. Just ignore, you have a relationship with the SD not the mother, although respect for the mother is a given.

IamtheOA · 06/08/2019 17:17

DD texts her stepmom.... I must admit, I did feel a bit sensitive about it, but I kept it to myself, and I got over it.
I'm happy they get on, and would far rather that than the alternative.

Original poster
SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 17:17

I do absolutely respect her mum which is why I'm just curious as to what other people think in this situation.

To be honest I'm sure it's just the excitement of being able to text people so I'm sure it will wear off eventually although I certainly don't want SD to think she can't speak to me if she wants to!

OP posts:
Original poster
SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 17:21

There may have been one instance I suppose which could have been upsetting maybe?

She text me when she was with her mum saying she was bored and what was I doing, could I come and pick her up to come to ours? (H was at work). I was actually out and didn't see the text for quite a while so never actually ended up replying though. (And if I had I never would have agreed to go and get her obviously!) But I did feel a bit awkward about it.

OP posts:
Pinkout · 06/08/2019 17:24

It’s lovely she has this sort of relationship with you. I can understand her Mother’s bitterness but she should be thankful you aren’t a total cow!

Nanny0gg · 06/08/2019 18:54

If her mum checks her phone (hope she does) that message may well have upset her.

DSD might need to learn tact...

Original poster
SaveTheTupperware · 06/08/2019 19:02

Yes I agree Nanny, that's why I felt a bit awkward about it when I saw it. I didn't reply.

But what should I do now? I don't want to ignore her when she's just asking general questions etc...

OP posts:
PookieDo · 06/08/2019 19:04

I would never make a fuss about this
My DC are older now but since their step mum has been around they have text her, she sends photos and I think it is lovely

This is her issue you aren’t doing anything wrong. Worse to ignore the child IMO. Sounds like she really likes you and that’s lovely

B00kworm86 · 06/08/2019 19:10

I think it's sounds lovely! I would be pleased that my DS has such a lovely relationship with his SM.

spongedog · 06/08/2019 19:19

My ex wont even let our DC speak to me (phone, text, email) at all when they are with him. Weekend, holidays etc. Most of this behaviour has been fuelled by his partner on the grounds "it spoils their time with DC". The family court were not totally unsympathetic to that view. I had always allowed DC to call their dad whenever they wanted. The DC are now teenagers and bitterly mind being controlled in this way so it will backfire. But I thought it was interesting that a family court would ignore dc's wishes to be able to communicate freely between houses. But I do watch and want to know who my DC are communicating with.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 06/08/2019 19:20

The relationship is between you and SD. Speak to your H if he finds it appropriate then all is well. The mother feels threatened. Your there for the child - not her mother. Bugger her!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread