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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About savings for godson and niece/nephew

22 replies

MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 15:42

My oldest friend had a son two years ago and asked me to be his godmother, which I happily accepted. I have been saving £10 a month for him since then, which isn't a lot, but will add up. I save it in my name and will give him it when he's 25-30 and buying a house or whatever, not when he turns 18. My friend doesn't know, although obviously I'll tell her in 20 years time.

My sister is now pregnant with her first baby, and I intended to do the same for my new niece or nephew. I mentioned it to another friend (who lives in entirely different circles to the first friend and doesn't know her) that I was going to start saving straight away for the baby because I didn't ever want him or her to be entirely skint when they're older. The friend asked how much and I said £10 a week, same as godson. This friend thinks I should put more away for niece/nephew so they get more, which I could afford to do, say £20 instead of £10, or stop saving for godson and give his proportion to DN because godson has his own big family who might give him money when he's older.

AIBU to keep them the same or does friend have a point that I should concentrate more on DN?

If it makes a difference neither me, either friend nor sister come from a world where we got any money at all, and £2-3k would have been a nice boost. I know it will have significantly less value when they're older though so we're not talking about particularly large sums.

OP posts:
MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 15:43

*£10 a month, same as godson. Not a week.

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 06/08/2019 15:44

YANBU. It's absolutely none of your friend's business. Your money, your choice.

AllFourOfThem · 06/08/2019 15:44

I would save the same amount and think it’s a really kind and thoughtful gesture.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/08/2019 15:44

Do you have children yourself OP?

I have to be honest the whole concept of saving for someone elses child, family or not is bizarre to me- lovely- but bizarre. To then nit pick how much is unnecessary, what you are doing is above and beyond anyway.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 15:46

Its not really anyone elses business what you do is it?

NotBeingRobbed · 06/08/2019 15:46

I think you are extremely generous and this will give them a big boost. It’s entirely up to you what you give and to whom. They are very lucky to have you.

flowerycurtain · 06/08/2019 15:50

That's amazing of you. I save for my godchildren but not my nieces and nephews.

LellyMcKelly · 06/08/2019 15:52

I think that’s a wonderful thing to do, and it will be a very welcome surprise for them when they’re older. It is not strange at all; many people put something aside for close relatives and special friends. £10 a month is just right - enough for a boost when they need it. Your money will pay for the solicitors fees or the carpets in their first home, or a deposit for a car or similar - just the sort of thing that’s really valued by people starting out on their first foray into adulthood. I think it’s lovely and would have absolutely loved my godmother to present me with a cheque for £3k when I bought my first flat! x

MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 15:56

Do you have children yourself OP?

I have to be honest the whole concept of saving for someone elses child, family or not is bizarre to me- lovely- but bizarre. To then nit pick how much is unnecessary, what you are doing is above and beyond anyway.

I don't have children and I don't want them. I have lay awake in my early 20s though worrying about knocks on the door from bailiffs for what I consider now to be tiny amounts of money (a couple of hundred pounds), but the terror of hearing a knock on the door or the phone ringing is still yet to leave me. I just don't want them to ever be in that position.

I know it's up to me and no one else's business, but it did make me wonder whether friend is right that my godson might have family saving for him anyway whereas DN won't.

OP posts:
MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 15:57

Obviously I hope that it won't go on bailiff debt for them, but on something much nicer!

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 06/08/2019 15:59

YANBU at all. But I would make sure than neither your godson, niece/nephew and their families find out that you have been saving for the other one too.

BarbariansMum · 06/08/2019 16:06

My understanding is that, if you save in a child's name, the money becomes theirs age 24 at the latest (tax implications if not). Just thought I'd mention it, be interested to know if you've found a way around that.

In answer to your question, YANBU.

MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 16:08

The accounts are completely in my name, BarbariansMum.

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 06/08/2019 16:19

How lovely - it's nothing to do with your friend. You decide how much you want to save for them. There's no right or wrong.

DennisMailerWasHere · 06/08/2019 16:25

Sooo you're being quite naive tbh

If you die, the money will be legally part of your estate, it likely will never go to your intended targets - if that's upsetting, get there to a solicitor to draw up a will.

Same as it won't benefit from any child specific financial instrument.. jnr isa or bonds.

Also, if you need benefits or care in future, they'll count it as YOUR savings, obviously
Etc
Etc

MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 16:35

If I die everything goes to my sister.

If I needed benefits or care in the next 20-30 years I’ll have much bigger problems, and would think it quite right that that money is considered my money.

Jnr ISAs etc can only be opened with the permission of the child’s legal guardian, which I am not.

OP posts:
RedWineAllMine · 06/08/2019 16:43

You're the one saving, it's your money, you put away whatever you think is suitable, wether that be the £10 or whatever. By the way what a lovely gesture. You're very kind and thoughtful. Your sister shouldn't be saying to increase it, by doing so she's overlooking your kind nature.

RedWineAllMine · 06/08/2019 16:44

Your friend I mean, not sister. I misread the post initially.

converseandjeans · 06/08/2019 16:49

Why don't you start getting them Premium Savings Bonds? you can do a direct debit to those & they might win something? Lovely idea - doubt my kids would ever get anything like that from anyone other than us.

converseandjeans · 06/08/2019 16:49

That way the money would be in their names and not yours.

MirandaOnce · 06/08/2019 16:56

Because Premium Bonds have to be managed by a child’s legal parent or guardian. I looked into that.

OP posts:
Jellyhater · 06/08/2019 16:59

I do exactly this for my nephew and my godson.

I do save a little more for my nephew each month but he is older and directly related to me. I might have thought differently of godson was on the scene first.

Both accounts are in my name but have been given the boys’ names. My NOK knows about the accounts and would make sure the money got to the right person should anything happen to me.

You do what you think best OP. Your money, your choice.

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