AIBU to say that babies are actually a bit gross? LIGHTHEARTED

[BlueMoon1103]

What’s the grossest thing your baby has done? 😁

Well, if we're going to exclude the usual disgusting baby stuff like being sick in your hair/on your face/in your mouth.

I think it has to be the way normal social conventions don't apply to them. It's the way he makes eye contact with me and maintains it while having a massive shit, and then starts laughing about it. He's there smelling like Satan's arsehole and when you start trying to change him it becomes a battle of smearing crap everywhere vs. keeping it under control.

During a nappy change ds1 once shat with such force it went all up my arm to the shoulder and all over my leggings. Dear God. It’s a good thing he’s cute.

Yes, babies can indeed be gross, and I recall DS and the megashit from hell. I put him clothed in the bath and stripped him there as it's way easier to clean the bath afterwards. If looks could kill, I'd have been dead a thousand times.

You are being very unreasonable, OP. Babies are not “a bit gross”.
They are utterly, totally, disgustingly gross!
Anything doubly incontinent that smears snot on your arm, vomits without warning and dribbles non stop, surely has to be regarded as the very upper end of the grossness spectrum?!
On the other hand, one’s own babies are always adorable despite that!

DC1 went through the ‘poo massacre phase’ where he would basically wake up super early every morning and quietly eat and smear his shit across his cot and himself. He was about 18 months when this began and it lasted for a few months. I was completely exasperated, every morning began with a massive clean up and gut wrenching stench.

He’s nine now and thankfully no longer eats his own excrement.

Oh yes my ds once threw up in my ohs mouth, he was a couple of months old so it was that milky sick. I still found it hilarious 2 years down the line, until not that long ago ds threw up in my ear in the middle of the night. Gloopy, strawberries & fish pie proper sick. Honestly whenever I think about it I throw up in my mouth a little
Ds also projectile shat all over my crotch and thigh when he was 6 days old. I had to walk out of the baby change into a busy soft play to find my dd and oh and tell them we were leaving!
Also changed him into a bed not long ago and found masses of bogies on the wall behind the cot.
He is feral

When my youngest was about 1 he'd do a poo and smear it everywhere, usually into the carpet and always just as we were leaving the house on a tight schedule.

Tried to eat pigeon poo.

My DD was about 8 months old and was a little bit sick whilst sat in the high chair. She then proceeded to lean forward and lick it back up from the tray

Ah "a back poo" as we called it. I.e. shit with such force and quantity it has breached the nappy confines and squirted up his back. Gross indeed.

DD2 shat on my face.

DS1 once projectile shat as I lifted his bum up during a nappy change once. Half of it landed in my mouth. That was a low point!

Caught DD eating mud off her brother’s wellies.
She won’t eat tomatoes, but she’ll eat dirt?!

Another one who's little angel shat on their face 🤢😂

This thread is a huge part of why I'm child-free and refuse to look after anyone's children until they're fully and completely house trained.

My baby is on comfort formula for colic, it's known for making babies pooh worse than usual. I actually want to cry every time I have to change one

Some of these posts are really making me laugh out loud.

I once found DS eating dog poo. He cried when I took it from his hands.

DD is only 4mo and has already taken the title of top shitter in our house. Every sodding time she opens her bowels it overflows through both legs holes as well and over the top of the nappy, front and back. The sheer volume of the stuff boggles me.

Thought my baby was being cute and giving me a kiss. He grabbed my face and pulled my cheek to his mouth. Sicked on my face.

Sat on her potty, about 1 year old, back in the days when they weren't in nappies forever, and when my back was turned poked her fingers into the poo and proceeded to eat it! I remind her at regular intervals, her children are appalled.

Was sick on my face when I held her up to kiss her.
Got poo so far up her back that I had to wash it out of her ears.

Not a baby, but a 5 year old I was minding licked her shoes clean, soles and all. Yuck!

My son was recovering from a particularly bad sickness bug. He was in his high chair, with the dog underneath him waiting for food scraps.

Son had explosive diarrhoea that came out of his nappy, down the high chair and all over the dogs head. Nothing in life had prepared me for that moment.

To make matters worse, it wasn't even the worse thing to happen that week. Poorly husband violently threw up in my car a few days before.

DD saves her biggest sicks for my face. The smaller ones on the floor/her hands/wherever else get licked straight back up - or would do if I let her.

I’m fortunate though in that I’ve only got her shit in my eye once and that was because I went to move some stray hairs away from it mid nappy change and didn’t realise I’d got some on my hand.

Also do sewagey nappies during teething count as gross things. Because those too.

I fucking adore my gross little weirdo

DS1 sicked all over a shop counter when he was in a front facing carrier. Mortifying.

DS2 projectile shat during a nappy change too. He shat with such velocity that there was a me-shaped outline on the wallpaper behind.

DS2 also waited until the quietest possible moment in the naicest most middle-class Cotswold tearoom to announce that he knew the F-word. I dropped my bread into my soup and he loudly said 'Oh for fucks-sake Mummy!!' while several pearl-clad, silver haired ladies swivelled their heads in shock.

My children are animals...