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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for being annoyed with DH

21 replies

Mama2harris · 06/08/2019 08:19

So sorry for the long post. It need to explain it correctly,

yesterday on our way back home from holiday we were approaching a set of traffic lights that had just turned to green. All of the cars in the queue had gone through the green light except the car in front of us (on his phone so didn’t even move with the other cars)

DH beeped him to draw his attention to the green light, the driver of the car then decided to drive super slow, I though it was just because he was lost and didn’t know where he was going but DH was convinced it was because he was a total AHole driving super slow to make us catch the lights because we beeped him.

We didn’t catch the lights and ended up in the lane next to him around the corner, instead of ignoring it, my DH decided to join in exchanging profanities with the other driver who then got out of his car and after threatening my DH and throwing food and ketchup all over my car, kicked my car denting it!

With me (pregnant) and our 2 year old in the back of the car I was absolutely petrified, didn’t get chance to get the other drivers registration details or anything and DH drove off so quickly to get away from him.

I’m so annoyed with DH for not ignoring him, and I cant get over how he’s angry that I’ve blamed him for the whole situation. In my eyes I think if he hadn’t have responded to the other driver shouting, my car wouldn't have been kicked.

AIBU to be annoyed with him for his behaviour? AIBU for thinking he had no consideration for his pregnant wife and son in the car when trying to make his ego win?

I’m currently not talking to him, What would you lovely lot do?

OP posts:

allthegins · 06/08/2019 08:22

The other driver was in the wrong. Hate arsehole drivers. I have a dashcam because of them

MsHopey · 06/08/2019 08:23

I'm not sure.
Some people would still have done the damage if your DH said something or not.
I spent my lift in fear of retaliating to others peoples threatening behaviour.
It didn't help, they always carried on regardless, whether it was shouting, swearing or being aggressive.

Wishihad · 06/08/2019 08:26

The only person to be blamed for kicking your car, is the arsehole that did it.

Gruntvsgunt · 06/08/2019 08:26

YABU to husband. Nothing excuses the other drivers behaviour and being cross at your husband suggests it’s his fault when it wasn’t

Drogosnextwife · 06/08/2019 08:29

It's hard to just ignore someone who is being a complete dickhead. I would have shouted back at him aswell, but I have a pretty short fuse.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/08/2019 08:29

I'm on your side OP, your DH made a choice to retaliate and he should have been aware of you and your 2yo. The other driver was clearly a dickhead for shouting and damaging your car but your DH is not blameless.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 06/08/2019 08:30

Other driver was in the wrong for being on their damn phone, was rteasonable to alert them to the light, other drive was passive agreesive trying to get you caught in the light, but your DH was completely unreasonable to not let it go and instead get caught in a slanging match.
I HATE it when my dad feels the need to gesticulate at other drivers when they do things like cut him up or indicate last minute and pull right out just expecting you to let them in, it makes me feel awkward and unsafe also as you never know how other people are going to react.
So yes, as your husband needlessly escalated the situation he isn't blameless and i wouldn't be talking to him either.
Is your son ok?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/08/2019 08:31

Oh, and to answer your question. I also would be finding it very difficult to speak to him. Or if I had to it would be with the very clear proviso that I was merely talking to communicate some information, not because I had stopped being angry with him.

LimitIsUp · 06/08/2019 08:34

Whilst it was sensible of your dh to 'poke the crazy', the fault lies with the bloke who kicked your car. He was anti social and out of control

LimitIsUp · 06/08/2019 08:34

Whilst it was sensible of your dh to 'poke the crazy', the fault lies with the bloke who kicked your car. He was anti social and out of control

LimitIsUp · 06/08/2019 08:34

Whilst it was sensible of your dh to 'poke the crazy', the fault lies with the bloke who kicked your car. He was anti social and out of control

LimitIsUp · 06/08/2019 08:36

Oops glitch on phone

As you were....

LimitIsUp · 06/08/2019 08:37

And it should have said 'wasn't sensible'

KUGA · 06/08/2019 08:46

WOW cave men do still exist
Will contact Sir David A

Damntheman · 06/08/2019 09:09

DH was right to beep to get the dude off his phone and concentrating on the road. DH was not at all right to engage in a yelling war when you and your toddler were in the car. I'd be angry too!

My mum will engage in road rage yelling matches with other drivers and it makes me CRINGE. Not only that but it makes me feel unsafe. I'm all for gestures below the dash that other drivers won't see, or muttered ranting with windows up that won't be heard, but there's no sense at all in riling up someone who is clearly already an aggressive arsehole.

It's not your DH's fault that the other driver was an arsehole, but it IS his fault for engaging with it and putting his child in danger.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/08/2019 09:25

People have been stabbed and punched in road rage incidents. He beeped his horn, the driver already knew he was pissed off. I would be pjssed off he crried on the argument with him as he isn't being unreasonable to be annoyed but by retaliating noone knows where it's going to end up. It just isn't worth the risk imo

Hairydogmummy · 06/08/2019 09:34

I’m with you. I’d be angry too...my DH would do that, has done similar and I’m always scared stiff cos you never know what kind of psycho the other driver is. I’d be not speaking to him as well. The other guy clearly shouldn’t have done that but if DH had left it the whole thing may not have happened.

billy1966 · 06/08/2019 09:38

YANBU.

Your husband put you all in danger by engaging in that behaviour.

There are a lot of angry people out there on the roads. If you like one, you can't be sure of the outcome.
Hence he drove off quickly.

I would be very annoyed too.

Skittlenommer · 06/08/2019 10:00

I would have probably done the same but I think it’s a risky move with a kid in the car.

You need a dash cam!! Don’t know why anyone would drive without one.

Ariela · 06/08/2019 10:06

Did you report it to the police? Was there CCTV? Could they have caught him a) on the phone b) the road rage incident? on camera?

Original poster

Mama2harris · 06/08/2019 12:26

Just wanted to answer some of your questions, I didn’t call the police as I was too shook up at the time and just wanted to get to safety. There may be cctv as it was on the exit to a retail park but I’m not sure the shops/restaurants would cover the exit roads.

I’ve messaged him saying I’m not blaming him for the other drivers actions but I am upset with him for how he handled the situation putting us in danger. Hopefully he understands where I’m coming from.

OP posts:

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