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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider leaving due to mental health problems

5 replies

Tinaarena · 06/08/2019 07:27

Ok long story short been with dp 18 years, we have 1 ds who is 7 and a house together.

a few years ago we both went through loosing a parent each, same year I also lost my grandmother, I felt at this time he went completely off the rails (understandably so) but where he had the freedom to do this, I had to buckle down and keep everything afloat, he was forced out of his job, ended up going back to college and it about to start his final year of a degree - i'm glad he found something he loved doing but its been so, so hard. I spent the majority of thistle working to pay the bills, looking after ds and alone as he relived his teenage years. Resentment during this time built up and still has to this day.

Fast forward to now, I don't recognise the person in front of me, he's a completely changed person. I know he suffers from depression and anxiety (as do I to some degree) but he refuses to seek help for it from a dr. instead he has turned to meditation and breathing which he believes cures him. Theres no laughter in our lives, we rarely have anything to talk about, not much in common at all.

When we've spoke about this he keeps telling me I just need to come back to him and tries to watch stuff on the tv that we'd watch 15 years ago in a bid to rekindle what we had. I feel so sorry for him and sad that I just dont think I love him in the way I should. I dream about leaving because I no longer look at him the same way and I feel id be better but I worry what would become of him to tear him apart when hes already down so much.

I just know I cant go on living like this and feeling sad. aibu to leave based on his mental health issues, or should I be the partner in all this and get him the care he needs (fwiw ive been trying for 5 years now already!)

OP posts:
user1471519931 · 06/08/2019 08:07

Put yourself first (as he has done) and leave. Enjoy the rest of your life xx

user1471519931 · 06/08/2019 08:07

Put yourself first (as he has done) and leave. Enjoy the rest of your life xx

user1471519931 · 06/08/2019 08:07

Put yourself first (as he has done) and leave. Enjoy the rest of your life xx

Tinaarena · 06/08/2019 20:54

Thank you for the reply.

I feel guilty for doing so, my parents are separated and I swore id never want that for ds. but at the same time im miserable and need to(as you say) put myself first. Ive just never done that before so struggling with it.

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/08/2019 20:58

I think it's different if hes trying to help himself. If he will agree to try, and takes steps to seek help them maybe you can give it another go. But you cant be putting in all of the effort all of the time. Would he go to joint counselling with you?

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