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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend

20 replies

Zippylove · 06/08/2019 05:41

I've been with my boyfriend for six months. We get on really well for the most part. He's never been the most affectionate person, physically or emotionally, but I've just had the night at his house (I stay over a few nights a week) and I feel like fucking walking away.

He's been really grumpy, snapping at me, not shown me any affection whatsoever, no cuddles or sex or anything. When I tried to cuddle him yesterday, he brushed me off. I brought it up with him, he said he was tired and we had things to do. I got a bit upset in bed and he cuddled me then. He just seems really distant.

We also have problems with his ex (mother of his dd) texting all the time and pushing boundaries of acceptable text conversation. With that and then him being a further knob, I feel like walking away but i care for him too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zippylove · 06/08/2019 05:45

My op makes me sound clingy and insecure. I'm really not. Usually I don't let things get to me so much but things seem to have reached its limit.

With the ex situation though, she recently confessed to him she made a mistake leaving him for another man 18 months ago and since that, I've felt insecure. He has reassured me I don't need to worry but it has caused so much stress.

OP posts:
SummerWhisper · 06/08/2019 06:11

How did you find out about the ex's confession?

thejudgesaidhewasatitandIagree · 06/08/2019 06:13

If it's already this hard after six months it's probably not going to get better. I'd cut my losses op. Thanks

weaningwoes · 06/08/2019 06:17

Only 6 mths in, shouldn't be this hard. This is as loving, demonstrative etc as he is ever going to be, it's the honeymoon period!

Move along. Will be a lot easier if you find someone new who is more aligned with your "love language".

Original poster
Zippylove · 06/08/2019 06:29

Thanks for your replies. He told me what his ex said. The same ex also messages him when she's having problems with her bf. The one she left my bf for. He seems to manage that situation better now since I had a few choice words to say about it. I don't mind texts regarding the dd at all, but her relationship problems and personal life is really pushing it.

OP posts:
Marmalady75 · 06/08/2019 06:48

He may have been having a rough day and was genuinely tired. We all have days when we are grumpy or out of sorts. If he cuddled you in bed I’d think he was still into you.
The situation with his ex is more complicated, but if he has listened to you in the past about it, it might be worth having a gentle chat when you are both less tired.

SummerWhisper · 06/08/2019 07:35

He told you about his ex...and then reassured you that you don't need to worry...

What he has really done is indicated to you that he has another option and now he can start to treat you a bit shittily, because he has fallback. Don't let him make the decision about whether it's you or her. It should not be an option and the fact that he has put this on the table means you need to make that decision.

Original poster
Zippylove · 06/08/2019 07:45

Summer, he has said that he'd never get back with her but it still gets to me. That and the millions of texts per day

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 06/08/2019 07:59

I’d be cutting my losses. He will have his child in his life forever (rightly so) - do you want to spend the next however many tears dealing with her nonsense? Especially if your boyfriend isn’t strong enough to deal with it himself?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/08/2019 08:01

Sounds like far too much hard work. He might never get back with the ex but it sounds like he's not really putting any effort to ensure conversation remains about their DD and nothing else. It's OK to care about someone but not want to continue a relationship with them. You deserve better.

newmomof1 · 06/08/2019 08:01

@SummerWhisper or he's been open and honest with his girlfriend? Hmm

Honestly though OP the affection thing is a bit shit. Talk to him and tell him how you feel.

He needs to set firm boundaries with the ex.

RushianDisney · 06/08/2019 08:03

I wouldn't bother, the difficult ex isn't going to go away. I certainly wouldn't want to bring that stress into my life if I didn't have to. Plenty of single, childless men around.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 06/08/2019 08:10

To echo others, have to say that this should be the time where you can't get enough of each other. Where you're sort of skipping around (mentally if not physically) and can see no fault in your partner.

All these issues already really do not bode well for you. I don't blame you for wanting to walk, that's self-preservation kicking in.

He's obviously still emotionally entangled with his Ex which could explain his distancing behaviour. He shouldn't have got involved with you if that is the case. Unless he was 100% ready to meet someone else then it was selfish of him.

I'd get out while it's still fairly early days. There are far better options out there.

bobstersmum · 06/08/2019 08:11

Yeah, just bin him.

Nodressrehearsal · 06/08/2019 08:19

What are his good points?

Wildorchidz · 06/08/2019 08:23

Make sure you avoid pregnancy with him. And walk away

ShatnersWig · 06/08/2019 08:24

Oh come on. You're worth more than this.

regmover · 06/08/2019 08:25

Bloody hell, no need to analyse this, you're wasting your time. What's to stop you ditching him today?

VenusTiger · 06/08/2019 08:31

Sounds like his ex has caused him a lot of hurt which is why he pushes you away. It’s a defence mechanism - he’s not ready to open up in another relationship yet, whether that’s because he’s not over her, or whether it’s because he’s hurt or angry.
I’d give him time alone for a few months if I were you.

Original poster
Zippylove · 06/08/2019 11:12

Thanks for all your replies Smile

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