the exes that won't go away

[amandamorgan]

I have been with my significant partner for almost 5 years, and we share a home together. He has two exes. One is the mother of both of his adult children and the other played a significant role in raising the two children. I have no problem when they are around for significant family events concerning their children. What I do not understand is the ex-wife asks to stay with me and her ex-husbandno neither of the children live here. In addition, the ex-girlfriend contacts her ex-- my partner on a regular basis, aka my boyfriend. One of the siblings continues to invite the exes to family events that concern their children. I am very uncomfortable. This family does not care. They view my feelings as immature and selfish and basically think I should suck it up. I am struggling. Can anyone offer advice or thoughts. It seems rude and disrespectful to me and truthfully, it feels like a slap in my face. Any advice?

If it bothers you so much, why have you put up with it for FIVE years?

The asking to stay with you but is weird but the rest, ie parents /step parents being invited to family events is not. Why don't you feel comfortable? Does your partner ignore you when they are there or flirt with them? They are exes for a reason I assume. Have confidence in yourself.

They were part of their lives and build a bond. They and your partner breaking that bond doesn't mean the others should do so. Unless they are acting inappropriate with your OH, what's the disconfort? Is it because you see them as competition? They are not. Everyone will like you for who you are as a person, not because you are your OH's partner.

These ex's were significant parts of the relatives lives, why shouldn't they be invited? Perhaps they see them other times when you aren't around. I see my stbex sil away from my h, she still sees other ex sil she doesn't care what new partner thinks because new partner she barely knows and doesn't want to be friends.

I'm afraid it is unreasonable to expect an ex wife / long term partner to simply disappear when the marriage / relationship ends and there are children. Never the less, it is very strange for an ex wife to ask to stay with the ex husband and his new wife. What reason did she give? The ex girlfriend's need to email dh also seems strange; what is she emailing about? At the end of the day, only dh can put a stop to this contact. As he hasn't, he's obviously happy with the level of contact.

They’re saying you’re immature and selfish for a reason by the sound of it. Healthy family dynamics are rare, fair play to your boyfriend for having made it work.