To ask you this question?

[Mummoomoocow]

After reading another thread it’s triggered bitterness within me regarding my parents. They never taught me anything. They taught me how to make a cup of instant coffee. That’s it. Everything else they taught me has either been wrong through lying or ignorance.

So AIBU to ask you to tell me what your parents taught you that you truly appreciate and/or what they never taught you that you resent?

My parents taught me how to cook, and were an example of exactly what I wanted when I got married.

My parents taught me so very much.
Practical stuff like decorating, changing plugs, baking, cooking, gardening, ironing, managing money
Fun stuff like playing chess, card games, swimming, riding a bike, tennis
Life essentials like respect, kindness (don’t puke)
I was very lucky.
My parents were wonderful people who gave me so much.
I know lots don’t have that

Cooking, lace, sewing, cleaning, having a clear out, learning lessons from life. I have an internal locus of control (I had to look it up), and it's served me well. I grew up with one parent and one grandparent who bought a house together - and feel very lucky for it.

They taught me good work ethic, and that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. (Ie everything is paid for in some way or another) and my dad taught me how to love animals.

They didn’t teach me how to cook or eat well or wash my clothes or change a plug or manage money or anything remotely practical.

They didn’t teach me about healthy relationships (theirs is awful) or how to manage conflict properly.

They didn’t teach me how to be proud of myself or to believe in myself. In fact they taught me the opposite.

To knit, to sew, to bake, to read, to stand up for myself, to not be scared.

She also demonstrated what a terrible relationship was and I was determined not to have one.

My dad taught me a lot about how not to be. His terrible flaws and domestic violence and emotional abuse taught me how not to treat others, and I learnt responsibility and empathy from a young age. I also learnt about fear. I'd rather not have, but I have.

My mum taught me how not to mother. I learnt from her mistakes. She also taught me right from wrong and the importance of empathy.

My dad was (now deceased) and mum was and still is, awful at parenting. But I have learnt from their mistakes, and also from their few positives. My mum is into travelling and I have learnt her love of travel. While she isn't caring to me, she does care for others (she's a nurse), so I have also witnessed her desire to help others and learnt from that.

I have learnt heaps.

What I wish I'd learnt? ... to love my body (mum has life long eating disorders and I think I've learnt mine from her), to love myself, to have confidence, to feel free, to not fear that I too will be a crap mum!! to manage my finances better ...

Taught me what a good marriage looks like

Demonstrated to me how to have a healthy debate and all come out of it happy and on good terms. It’s fine to have a different opinion to someone else. I’ve noticed as I’ve got older that many people do not know this and take a difference of opinion as a personal attack 😄

Not much in the way of household tasks I must say.

On a subconscious level they definitely raised me with masses of self esteem which I am very grateful for. That doesn’t mean I think I’m incredible and good looking, it means I get my validation from within myself and don’t need others to build me up. Very grateful for this.

Oh, what they didn’t teach me:

Reasonable portion size

Not to eat chocolate everyday

How to be an understanding parent - I had a LOT of feelings my whole life and never felt listened to eg meltdowns over maths homework was just me ‘not trying’. My dad was much more patient than my mum is.

Neither of them role-modelled exercise/healthy living

I’m sure there’s more!

OP

They taught me loads of good stuff. I really appreciate the values they instilled in me and also the importance they placed on knowledge and education, for example. My mum also taught me loads of practical stuff like cooking. They're still teaching me stuff, to be honest - they gave me a crash course in gardening last year.

My dad, however, despite being so good at DIY that he single-handedly built two extensions on our family home, could install kitchens and bathrooms from scratch, can decorate to a professional standard and make furniture even none of this is actually what he did for a living, inexplicably taught me NOTHING about DIY or anything like that. I assume this is because I'm a girl, because it appears that he did teach my brother this stuff - just not me. Even though I'd have loved to have learnt. It would have been so, so useful on so many occasions over the past decade or so.

Mine taught me the importance of kindness, respect and tolerance. They taught me the importance of education and relationships and how to speak to people. They taught me table manners and how to manage money.

They did not teach me how to cook, use a washing machine or do DIY. They did not teach me to follow my own passions or pursue what I was good at so I feel that I missed out on experiences/opportunities. They did not teach me about some of the Practicalities of life either. Overall, I know they did the best they could and that they loved us very much.

Mine taught me a lot, some things i took on board as good, others i recognised as things i would never do.
Most important thing my mother taught me was to never bad-mouth my husbands family to him. That no matter what happens, i can agree with him, disagree with him, think they are the worst people on the planet, but i should never slag them off to him. Have had plenty of opportunities to test that one and have always been relieved (afterwards) that i held my tongue.

This thread makes me shudder because I realised the other day that it is dh that has taught the kids to tie shoe laces, is teaching them riding bikes, taught them how to cook some dishes, helped them swim. This is all because I am rubbish at teaching stuff. Dh says it doesn't matter cos I'm the positive one and I teach them sharing, looking out for each other, being nice, helping out, working hard etc but I know he does the lions share. Please don't be bitter about your parents, maybe they tried, or maybe they gave you something else?

My mother taught me a lot about how to live, clean, cook, sew, paint, have fun, be kind and try to look for the positive.

My father was not an involved one despite always being physically around but in being a poor father he taught me to stand up against bullies, resilience, persistence and the important of calm. Most importantly he showed me exactly what I did not want to look for in my own partner.