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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think BIL cannot have it both ways

25 replies

PorridgeLove · 05/08/2019 16:47

This going to be a long and a bit vague because I don't want to be outed. BIL works for FIL's business and also has a well-paid part-time job. The part-time job is what he went to uni for. Think something like theatre/acting. SIL started working again after staying home with their DC for a few years. Since BIL will take over the business, he has received large gifts in kind and cash from PIL. Now one of the perks for BIL is that he gets to drive the cars that FIL buys for the business. These are usually practical cars that are good for transporting large items. When I was pregnant with DC1 we bought a used car with my money and BIL really likes our car. It is also a practical car, nothing fancy. It is just a bit "cooler" than what FIL bought for the business. Now the business car was up for replacement. FIL bought the same one model that he was replacing and didn't consult too much with BIL. BIL is moaning and complaining that he wants a car like ours. AIBU to think that he is ridiculous? If he wants a different car he should buy himself one. They are making plenty of money. They get free childcare from my MIL. Help with the mortgage. All part of the package to keep BIL working for the business. FIL pays him a salary too. It is not just the car. BIL is constantly complaining about not having this and that when they have much more than we do. They are also saving money, so it is not that he is stretched to the last penny. I cannot find it in myself to feel sorry for them. AIBU?

OP posts:

NoSauce · 05/08/2019 17:18

Why would anyone feel sorry for him? you sound a bit jealous tbh.

PinkCrayon · 05/08/2019 17:21

In my opinion its usually the ones who are given alot in life that moan the most.
Yanbu

IAskTooManyQuestions · 05/08/2019 17:25

The car will be an asset of the business, and as such will be tax deductible. If he wants a nice car, and the business can afford it, it's not an issue,. after all he's the one working in the business and will inherit

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/08/2019 17:25

Errr it's a car? I wouldn't give it any headspace. You choose good cars!

JennyWoodentop · 05/08/2019 17:37

It sounds like you don't like him & feel he takes advantage, maybe he does.

I wouldn't waste my time thinking about this unless it affects you. If your children are disadvantaged due to the other grandchildren being favoured, that's a problem for you. If your husband also works for the family business & is getting less preferential treatment than BIL while doing more of the work, that is a problem for you. Free childcare & help with the mortgage are less clear cut but I can see why it may seem unfair. What kind of car he drives as a company car, really, not a concern for you!

If you don't like someone it is hard to be objective definitely, which is why I say only bother about the bits that actually impact on you. How is your relationship with the parents in law? I assume this is all part of a wider family dynamic?

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 05/08/2019 18:23

None of this is really your business or has any affect on you, why are you so concerned and giving this a thought?

In all honesty, you do sound jealous. Leave them to it, you cannot change him nor are you entitled to get involved in what his parents do for him or don't do for him.

I'm seriously failing to understand why this is even a topic of discussion for you? It's nothing to do with you.

fargo123 · 05/08/2019 23:55

BIL sounds very greedy and entitled. If he wants a specific car, or specific anything really, he can pay for it himself.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 06/08/2019 00:06

BIL sounds like he has a very good thing going!

YANBU, if the car does the job it was intended for for the business as approved by FIL, then he either stops complaining or buys the car he wants from his own money.

dollydaydream114 · 06/08/2019 00:09

What has any of this actually got to do with you, though? It has zero impact on you, so you don't need to get involved. Just ignore it. It's between your FIL and BIL and it's for them to sort it out.

I agree with previous posters that you sound quite jealous and resentful.

Singlenotsingle · 06/08/2019 00:21

OP is quite entitled to have a touch of the green eyes! It sounds as though BIL is very much the Golden boy. Never mind OP, at least you can say that everything you and DH have got was earned through honest toil.

TwistyTop · 06/08/2019 03:46

From what you've said in your OP it sounds like none of this has any impact on you. It's your FIL who he is moaning at. So I'm confused as to why you are even worrying about it?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 06/08/2019 04:41

If it bothers you why doesn’t your DH or DW work for the family business too?

LellyMcKelly · 06/08/2019 04:42

You’re way overinvested in this. Why do you even care?

newmomof1 · 06/08/2019 05:39

Has anybody asked you to feel sorry for them?

Are you just massively jealous?

Blueoasis · 06/08/2019 05:53

Not sure why everyone is jumping on the op for being jealous. Would you guys like being moaned at because someone doesn't have their preferred car, when they get everything else in life handed to them? It's like he is whining that his gold shoes are too tight.

Ignore him op. I'm gonna bet he will run the business into the ground when he takes over because he will buy lots of flashy, useless cars. And end up with nothing.

xoxoluna · 06/08/2019 06:41

I would understand feeling annoyed at BIL since he seems to be having it all. Do your in laws treat your husband differently? Is that why you're maybe a bit jealous? Anyways it's their business, their money, not really your problem.

Wishihad · 06/08/2019 06:44

So bil wants a different car?

I dont get why its bothering you.

jakesmommy · 06/08/2019 07:23

Its the BIL who's jealous of the fact that OP has bought a car with her own money which he likes and now wants daddy to pay for one for him, he is the jealous one.

Gatoadigrado · 06/08/2019 07:27

YANBU to not feel sorry for him. Why would anyone?

But YABU for giving it any thought. It’s nothing to do with you

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2019 07:31

I'm not really sure why he has to buy another car. He's taking over the business, why does he have to put up with his father buying s car he doesn't like, why not get one he does, it should be no big deal

You do sound resentful of what they have. Comparison is the thief of joy, really try hard not to focus on it.

1300cakes · 06/08/2019 07:38

I wouldn't feel sorry for him but this is between FIL and BIL. You and your car has nothing to do with anything. It's not even really an issue. So BIL likes the model of car that you have, "cars I'd like to own" is a common topic of conversation.

Holidaaaaaaay · 06/08/2019 08:00

Why are you giving this any headspace?

Jealousy is a horrible emotion and it will rob you of your happiness.

Just move on. It’s not your issue and will make you bitter.

ILearnedItFromABook · 06/08/2019 08:12

I'd find it irritating to have to listen to his complaints, so no, I don't think you're unreasonable. If he doesn't want you to have an opinion of make judgments, he should keep his business to himself.

ShrodingersRat · 06/08/2019 08:31

I would just say ‘first world problem. If you want xxx car go out and buy it, like we did. I think we’re sick of hearing about this now!’.

Why on Earth is this your problem?

Aside from sounding jealous about his situation or resentful about PIL favouritism? Which is I bigger issue.

Original poster

PorridgeLove · 06/08/2019 13:23

I'll respond to some of the stuff that everyone brought up:

Two main points

Jealousy/envy: while it would be nice to have some of BIL's advantages I really prefer being not involved with the business. He definitely works for it and has to deal with FIL' s idiosyncrasies. So I understand the trade off, e.g. we choose what car we drive, but we pay for it ourselves. What rubs me that wrong way is when he complains about the trade-offs that he has chosen.

PIL favouritism: My PIL's are nice people. As said above, they have their idiosyncrasies, but who hasn't. I get on with them quite well.

OP posts:

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