To think my husband is a bit rubbish

[deepflatflyer]

Hospital appt for me this afternoon. Which has meant juggling work and childcare, to the point where I've dropped youngest son off at husband's office for the afternoon. So DH can't say he doesn't know where I am. He hasn't bothered to ask what it's for and if I'm ok. I thought about emailing him as I don't want to talk about it particularly but I do feel he should perhaps know. I would want to know if he were off to hospital even if he played it down like I am.

Tbh I'm freaked out anyway - pelvic floor appt. big teaching hospital. Feeling embarrassed and awkward. And a bit tearful. Also about my marriage which is clearly not good.

Plenty of time to reflect as I've been here an hour and not been seen yet. Ho hum.

And still another 6 patients in front of me. So another hour? Another two? All in all I feel like walking out and not bothering ...

Are you happy to live together as ‘mates’? Or do you want more? As PP says, if you’ve had counselling and remain on different pages then perhaps hard decisions must be faced.

I think we're both put off by the idea of upheaval and can't see how we could afford it. He also can't ever make a decision ever about anything!

But emotionally, OP? What do you want from your life? Practical issues to do with separation aside, what do you need?

You sound exhausted by it all.

Wow OP.

I'm so sorry. Your husband doesn't sound at all supportive.

Do you think that counselling would help you both to understand one another's needs better?

You have mentioned your parents' marriage and are sad because yours doesn't match up. Maybe your husband really doesn't get it - but he needs to if the marriage is to survive.

It sounds as though you've resigned this relationship to the rubbish heap. Your posts read as though you can't be arsed to communicate. A normal relationship would go: hey, husband, I've got a hospital appointment, watch the kids please.

It's a bit weird you're passive agressively waiting for him to ask and then getting upset because he hasn't. Just say something. If you don't like the way he treats you and counselling hasn't helped then what's keeping you in this relationship? It sounds stifling and depressing.

OP has had counselling, and when she’s asked for support he’s rolled his eyes and muttered ‘not this again’
I don’t think she’s passive aggressive, I think she’s tired of asking.

Sending you a handhold

It sounds like this is a lot more of an issue than just today's appointment OP. I'm sorry to read your updates

It sounds as though you've resigned this relationship to the rubbish heap. Your posts read as though you can't be arsed to communicate. A normal relationship would go: hey, husband, I've got a hospital appointment, watch the kids please.

I think that's what the OP did and her husband showed no interest in what the appointment was for or anything to do with the OP's health. I can see why she feels sad that the person who is supposed to love her most in the world isn't interested in her health.

Well the appointment - when it came - was fine. Saw a very kind doctor. Ascertained that whilst my pelvic floor is not in perfect shape, there's no prolapse. So I'm being referred for pelvic floor physio. Not the only part of me which could do with shaping up but that's another story.

Treated myself to a take out from Leon. Staying in town and meeting up with a friend.

Thanks for the support. Most of the time I soldier on but now and again I can't help feeling a bit sorry for myself!

Did you go home and discuss it with your DH?

Oh god no. I stayed out in town to see a friend. Exchanged a couple of texts during the evening as I asked how the kids were, and then told him what train I was getting home. Got in and he was already in bed asleep. Neither of us mentioned it in the brief window of breakfast. Went to work. Came home. Dinner. Yep - dysfunctional