To find out if he cheated?

[Mudv]

I broke up with my ex over two weeks ago. I am 29F, he is 31. I wrote a post about what happened with him texting his female ex-colleague:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3641930-Boyfriend-and-female-coworker

My question is, how can I find out the truth?? How do I find out if he cheated?

Yes I know that ignorance is bliss and I should just move on, but I have a real curiosity about all the unknowns and would really like closure.

Does anyone know how I could find some answers?
I don't think asking him direct will help because I broke up with him and blocked him (yes that partly answers my entire question), and he is a liar.

Do I ask his brother? Close friends?

If you want to look like the crazy ex then sure, fill your boots and start quizzing his brother and friends.

Honestly, you're broken up already. So what does it matter? Knowing won't mend the relationship and undo the hurt. The uncertainty might be difficult but what would you really do with that information?

If he cheated, are you going to call up your ex boyfriend and yell at him? Won't you just be hurt even further?

If he didn't cheat, are you really going to try to get him back? I would hope not.

My advice would be to stop giving him headspace and move on.

Please don't lower yourself to investigating an ex. What will it change? You can't be sure it will bring closure, often it just brings up more questions.

Let it go because you will accomplish nothing. You really think his brother and close friends would tell you the truth? Don't be ridiculous. You're broken up, so at this point the "truth" doesn't even matter anymore. It's time to pull yourself together and move on.

You’re right, you should move on.

Clearly he holds a lot of power over you, because you can’t let go. He cheated or he didn’t, but it doesn’t matter now - he’s your ex. You decided you didn’t want him in your life, so why are you torturing yourself?

The old cliche is why are you letting him live rent free in your head, but it’s true - why are you?

What could you possibly gain from learning the truth? You already ended things so clearly has rationale to do so - what else would this bring?

And even if you did talk to his friends etc, why do you think they’d be truthful? You’re just their mate’s ex, they don’t owe you anything, their loyalty doesn’t lie with you. Anything they tell you could be bollocks, you’d never know - so why bother?

The fact is you’ll most likely never learn everything. But he’s an ex, the best and healthiest thing you can do is begin to move on and forget this. At the moment he has complete control over you despite the fact you ended things - don’t live your life this way.

Why? Seriously, why? What will it change. Your other thread shows he wasn’t that into you, treated you appallingly and was entirely into someone else.

Have some self respect and close this chapter for good.

Let it gooooo

No, you’ll look crazy.

Plus, whatever answer you get you’ll think is them lying.

Forget him. Be happy. Move on.

What he did that you have described and importantly how things panned out - he was cheating in every important sense.

You don't need any more details than what has happened, make a clean break of it and move on to better things

Thanks everyone, very helpful and saved me from looking like a massive prat. The general consensus is very clear! I will take your advice, leave him and his friends in peace, and use energy on other things to distract my attention. Most likely I will forget about him hopefully in a few more weeks.

You guys are life savers :-)

@Aquamarine1029 yes very true. They wouldn't tell me the truth, they are his friends, not mine. It would be embarrassing. His brother and friends are like him anyway, cheating on their girlfriends, liars and selfish.

It’s hard but you need to forget this and move on .

He’s a shit and you know it . He’s probably fucked her and even if he hasn’t he’s trying to .

Aren’t you glad to be free of this little shit who spends all his time fantasising about and obsessing over another woman ?

I’d be bloody glad to be rid . Who gives a shit where he’s sticking it now so long as it isn’t you . you are better than him .

My advice is the truth always comes out eventually it always does nothing stays a secret forever. Don't over think it cause you will put yourself in a dark place and question every little detail and that's no way to live. I would if you can. Get your best dress and heels on and go let your hair down with your friends. There is always someone out there better for you. He is an ex for a reason. Hard right now and I feel for you. But if you question it you will end questioning every new man that comes into your life. Stay away from him and have some fun.

I understand what you mean about wanting closure, but you would never get it.

I would just assume that he did cheat and add it to the list of very good reasons why you dumped him and blocked him. Then move on with your life. You're worth more than this OP!