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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

wedding - solo?

15 replies

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 20:36

Namechanged, mainly because i don't want my other posts to be linked to me.

Background - family wedding (husbands side) . No children allowed, which is fine. My husband had decided he will go alone. No discussion, he gave me one option, to leave the kids with his parents (both over 70, dad has just had a nasty fall and broke arm) - his parents don't really know the children, see them once a year, im pretty sure they will say no to looking after them for a good number of hours anyway! He assumes they will say yes.

There are alternatives, we could get a babysitter, and just attend the wedding service and then breakfast without attending the dinner so we can drive back, but he is insisting he should be going on the saturday-sunday, which i suppose is his choice, but im annoyed. He's done this before, for another wedding, i was left behind. He's said its not a jolly - its a wedding. We can afford a sitter, its not a money thing.

Im not from this country, so i don't get to attend my family weddings, and it looks like i don't get to attend weddings with his family either, because i am designated to look after the kids - and yes, of course, i love them and have no issues looking after them, but it just feels like im being left out. again.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 04/08/2019 20:56

Haven’t clicked either.
But next time you have a family wedding just go by yourself and leave him with the children.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/08/2019 20:59

If the wedding is on DH's family side, would his parents not go too?

What would your DH do if you arranged a babysitter and said you could go to the wedding?

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:00

yeah - i would do that, unfortunately all my family weddings are in a different continent.

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 04/08/2019 21:01

I find it very strange. Surely your husband should want you there.
My dh would not go alone ( he can be a pain at times)
But you say you cán afford a sitter so that not the reason.
I would have a chat with him, I would feel very hurt.

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:02

His parents are not invited. They don't get on.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 04/08/2019 21:04

If there was a family wedding on your side in a different country would he let you go?

Michellebops · 04/08/2019 21:05

How old are your kids?

Tbh I'd let him go alone and let him buy a present. Spend your money on you and the kids and do something fab without him.

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:06

he says he wants me there - he just doesn't think of how i could be here. My issue is the first option he thinks of is not viable. His parents are old and i would never impose. We have a nanny that we can pay - but he didnt even think of this? Why not. Money is not an issue, i will even pay. my issue is he didnt even think about me. He has accused me of not telling him i want to go. I have to tell my own husband i want to go to a family wedding with his? He says hes not a mind reader. This is apparently all my fault.

OP posts:
jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:07

my children are 5 and 3. It is not fair to have his ageing parents look after them for over 8 hours surely - i would not even ask, mainly because i know my children - they are young and will want to this that and the other, his mum is his fathers main carer, how will she cope with my two? The thing is - there is the nanny, but he didnt even think about this!

OP posts:
jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:09

@ineedaholidaynow im sure he would, but i would not even think i wouldn't want him there? Flights to my home country cost in access 1800 pounds, and i don't think I've ever been home without him so he's always with me.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 04/08/2019 21:09

So ask the nanny and if she can stay tell him that you can go. Done deal!

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 21:12

@Pipandmum yes - this seems reasonable doesn't it. Im just so angry he didnt even think about me you know. Im not some recently married person either - ive been with him since 2004! The accusatory tone he has taken with me hasnt helped i suppose.

OP posts:
TheShuttle · 04/08/2019 21:39

YANBU OP, and you're painting a picture of a very thoughtless, selfish husband. I'm not surprised you feel very hurt.

I suspect he very much perceives the wedding as a jolly..

jesuschristwtf · 04/08/2019 22:26

@TheShuttle that's what i said - it is a jolly surely, it isn't like he's off to Guantanamo Bay is it? He's said its a family wedding, hardly a jolly - so bizarre!!

OP posts:
Brideof2020 · 04/08/2019 22:43

Just ask your nanny to have the kids and then you can tell your DH you can go to the wedding.

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