AIBU to hate fake two faced people

[BeepBeep9876]

I have met quite a few people that just come across as fake nice, that are nice and lieing to your face and probably talk about you behind your back. I understand being diplomatic and not wanting to hurt someones feelings but I mean people that are constantly two faced. I have a Sil that comes across as very obvious fake nice and it really gets on my nerves. I mean just be yourself and honest.
Any of you have people like that in your life?

Ummm... you say ‘probably’ talk about you behind your back? Do you actually know it happens? Hate to point this out but when you repeatedly experience the same perceived problem over and over again with different people, there is only one common denominator.

Depends what you mean.
Some people are genuinely nice.
I don't like people who will do anything to get one over on you at any cost.
I'm thinking more in a work role here. You know the type, the ones who question you about what a person has done then go straight back to that person, telling them that you have been bitching about them.

SlackerMum1 if they are talking about other people behind their backs while being overly nice to you? Only talking about a few people over a lifetime, not everyone I meet.

I don’t know. A lot of people say one thing to your face and another behind your back not because they’re awful and malicious people but because basically we all want to be liked and accepted. Somebody might actually quite like you, or at least wish you no ill; but they also like and want to be liked by somebody else, and if that person doesn’t like you and wants to gossip and snide about you, they’re happy to join in to retain favour and make sure they also stay on that person’s good books. We’re social creatures.

Having a vote on this is ridiculous. Do you expect anyone to say ‘ no actually I love fake two faced people’?

I work with someone who speaks her mind, is constantly loudly critical of everyone else and never pretends to like someone when she doesn't. She is awful! A bit of social politeness oils the wheels and makes being stuck with a load of randoms you didn't choose to spend your day with a bit more bearable ...

So yes - two faced people are a lot less strain than the other sort!

Where do you draw the line though? I agree someone who is devious and is very lovely to you but then trashes you to others is obviously a terrible thing - I’m sure nobody would disagree.

But what if I say ‘Annie is driving me mad always going on about her new boyfriend at the moment’ but I’m nice to her face because she’s my friend and she doesn’t mean any harm, and I know we aren’t all perfect, do I belong in that category too?

Having a vote on this is ridiculous. Do you expect anyone to say ‘ no actually I love fake two faced people’?

Exactly what I was going to say!

It depends.

Thinking someone looks bad in an outfit and keeping quiet about it is fine.

If the person in the outfit asked their opinion and they said they looked fucking awful that would be honest but horribly harsh. If they said it was nice but they liked another outfit better thts fine but can lead to trouble. If they said yes its lovely then technically that's two faced but I think totally normal and understandable

The only completely unacceptable thing I think is when people gush to their face, unsolicited, about how lovely they look and then as soon as their back is turned they tell everyone else how awful they look. I only know one or two people like this and stay out of their way. I just dont know why they do it, why not just keep quiet in the first place. I dont trust them at all

Sparklesocks I agree.

Some people are devious and shit stir and are fake.

Other times someone might annoy you and you mention someone has annoyed you but it's small and insignificant and not worth raising.

This post reads like a rant in the Big Brother diary room.

Also, ironic that you seem to have posted mostly to have a rant about your SIL .. behind her back.

I prefer politeness and diplomacy over brutal honesty any day of the week. Don't get me wrong, I won't go out of my way to befriend arseholes but I don't want the awkwardness of sharing a desk for 9 hours a day with someone who has expressed how much they hate me and vice versa.

I have asked an ex friend who prides himself on his honesty at any cost, if he knew someone whose love of their life has just passed away and he knew that the deceased had had a one off fling and that the widow would never find out, would he tell the widow anyway? He said definitely, I said that in that scenario, I would be happy to never know and he insisted he wouldn't care, he would still tell me .

Another example, if you at a friends house and they are about to put on an unflattering outfit, I will be honest, but if you turned up for a night in the outfit with no way of being able to change, then I wouldn't point out that the outfit doesn't suit you.

I don't care if I sound dishonest, it's nice to be nice.

Having experienced people being horrible to my face, sometimes insincere pleasantries are just keeping things civil. One the fake niceness turns to overt dislike it can be worse.

There are people i dont like and whilst i wouldnt seek out more of their company or plamás them with insincere compliments, id be pleasant.

It does depend though. But with family and in laws things can go from fake nice to chilly warfare too quickly. So think carefully before you get rod of the 'fake'