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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To struggle to enjoy weekends...

23 replies

mommathatwearspink · 04/08/2019 18:14

Basically that! We have 2DC (5 & 2)... they basically wreck the house from top to bottom. Toys thrown everywhere! Lots of fighting over toys and too much shouting. There always seems to be chores that need to be done (barbers, children’s activities or parties, shopping, etc etc) and even though we do as much as we can during the week, we both work FT. The house is constantly a tip and I feel like I’ve only just tidying up from one meal and it’s time for the next. Me and DP are knackered from the week and 5am wake ups.
We do try and get out to the park, etc but it’s not every weekend. Is it just me or is it so damn tedious?!

OP posts:

Mammyloveswine · 04/08/2019 18:34

I went away on a hen weekend this weekend and it's been HEAVEN! The bride is older so we went to a quaint town and had afternoon tea and drinks but nothing wild. I didn't even miss my two at all! Have actually planned a few more weekends/nights away

We usually do one day out on a weekend including a nice dinner/tea in the pub. I find that helps!

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2019 18:38

You need to get out of the house as much as possible and make them run, swim, jump,climb whatever. Treat them like large puppies.

Then they’ll be too exhausted to trash the house AND they’ll argue less. Do you have a garden?

Outsomnia · 04/08/2019 18:39

OP why did you decide to have kids?

You must surely know that they are the bosses in every household! You and DP come a slow second every time.

Crotchgoblins · 04/08/2019 18:41

I have a 4yo and 2yo and could have written the same! Way too many toys constantly being tipped all over the floor. Too hot, too much whinging. Trying to squeeze in cleaning the house around activities exclusive planned around the kids.

There is no down time or chance to recharge for parents. Grandparents and uncles too old or useless to take kids to give us a breather.

If you can get someone to take them even for an hour or two do. Life feels like a slog with both parents working no family support and little kids

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 04/08/2019 18:45

When they're young, weekends are the tough bit. What used to be your recharging time is a fecking war zone. I promise it gets easier though, and oh how much more you'll appreciate it when it does!

mockorangey · 04/08/2019 18:45

Same here. I realise it would be easier in one sense to have more day trips or bigger things planned outside the house. But it's hard to fit in when the weekend is your only time to do various chores, and you have to factor in a nap for the youngest one. This weekend we were clearing out the shed, laundry, had DS's friend over for a playdate, did massive online grocery shop for upcoming family holiday, batch cooking etc. Its difficult to find time to do much more than the local playground most weekends..

silver1977 · 04/08/2019 18:50

Do you HAVE to work full time OP? Just wondering if an option to drop a day or 2 so that the chores can be mostly done then and you feel more on top of things to be able to enjoy the weekends.

Carpetburns · 04/08/2019 18:51

I'd try to spend as much time out and about as possible- this will limit the amount of time they have to trash the house

SummerHouse · 04/08/2019 18:56

We became a bit of a tag team. One takes them out all day. One cleans the house. Nice relaxing evening in a clean house once they are in bed. But yes it's really tough at that age. Mine are 7 and 9 now and I promise you we are living the dream! They are so much fun, so much easier. We have been out all weekend one day with and one without DP. Hence clean house, mowed lawn, ready for work tomorrow. Hang in there my friend.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 04/08/2019 19:04

Put all the toys in storage boxes, store them away from the play areas and rotate them, so your children have different things to play with every couple of days, rather than everything out all at once. This reduces the mess but also children get overwhelmed with too much stuff and don't really play with anything properly.

It's okay to say no to children's parties. Your kids won't remember or care. Just go to the ones of your DC's close friends. No one should spend every weekend at a soft play or equivalent! Don't feel guilty about it because it's your weekend too.

I agree with getting out of the house every day for fresh air and a walk, if your kids are the type who need to run around and let off steam.

Can you afford a cleaner for the house, to free up some of your time? Also do you have access to babysitters, do you and DH can have time to yourselves for a quiet lunch or date night?

Caterina99 · 04/08/2019 20:07

I feel you! not quite the same, as I don’t work, but I am a sahm to a 4 and 2 year old and the weekends are as much work as the weekdays. Worse in some ways as there’s no nursery and no routines. And we have no family.

What’s helped us a lot is breaking up the time so that we each get a lie in one weekend day, sadly 8am is lie in nowadays! And both of us get one time period (few hours) to ourselves to do whatever they want (not house work). Then we also have some time doing chores. Cleaning, garden etc which is probably an hour or 2 for each of us. The other one will take the kids of out the house. We usually have at least one of the afternoons is family time, and things like birthday parties we try as much as possible to take both kids so the parent left at home can get on with stuff. Not always possible of course. It’s hard with these ages as it’s a lot of work for the parent with both the kids!

Also what’s helped our sanity is once a month ish getting a babysitter for a few hours on an afternoon. Then we go out for an early dinner and that’s our me time for that weekend. I’m hoping it’ll be less relentless as they get older

PixieLumos · 04/08/2019 20:19

Lots of fighting over toys and too much shouting

I know young children often argue and aren’t known to be quiet - but that doesn’t mean it should be the everyday norm and if it’s getting in the way of you doing fun things and enjoying your time together this behaviour needs to be addressed.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/08/2019 20:39

I hear you OP! I'm definitely ready to go back to work on a monday morning. Things I've found help are working from home one day a week (both me and my husband do this) and we can at least keep on top of washing and the odd appointment

Seeing friends with kids of similar ages. Kids have fun and its some adult company. Yes it does mean more tidying every other time we see them but it feels worth it

Be interested to see how others cope

WingingWonder · 04/08/2019 20:42

This is me, but we have found that any one child is fine, so it’s divide and conquer, and also- no one allowed to leave house alone 😂 I have lost my shit today and enforced a silence for 5 min of no god dam ice cream. It has been the ONLY pause in the noise all weekend...

EmrysAtticus · 04/08/2019 20:45

I think the park does need to be every weekend. Small children need very regular exercise to keep behaviour under control. We do both a morning and an afternoon activity. Today was soft play in the morning and swimming in the afternoon. On a drier day it would be a whole day trip out of park followed by more park.

EmrysAtticus · 04/08/2019 20:46

Also can you afford a cleaner and home delivery for shopping

CoolWivesClub2019 · 04/08/2019 20:49

Like a pp said, it will get so much easier in a couple of years.

Mine are 11, 9 and 2. We had about 2 years of tranquility when ds2 got to about 5...then bam, back to square one with ds3 when they were 9 and 7.

I feel the same about weekends atm because ds3 causes more chaos and mess than the older two together...but I’m hanging on, knowing it will get better every year 😄

Skittlenommer · 04/08/2019 20:52

This is why I think having children isn’t worth it. Yes there are good bits but it doesn’t make up for the tiredness, stress, strain and worry!

EmrysAtticus · 04/08/2019 20:55

I don't know about children Skittle but for me having one DC is perfect. All the joys of being a parent with only a fraction of the work :)

Daisychainsandglitter · 04/08/2019 20:57

Your DC's are very similar to mine

Daisychainsandglitter · 04/08/2019 21:00

Sorry pressed too soon! We also work full time and are both permanently knackered but like PPs they are much easier to manage out and always try to do something so they're worn out.
I feel your pain though as my house is constantly trashed, loud playing, fighting etc they're always up to some mischief!

Turquoisetamborine · 04/08/2019 21:35

This is me! I had my second when my eldest was 7 so I was just getting into the easier years and then I was back to square one. Youngest is now four and massively into toys and has very generous grandparents so we always have a houseful which he spreads throughout every room in the house. I have no solution for you!

The eldest is into football and sprinkles those little black dots of plastic from the all weather pitch (if you know, you know). There is just a constant stream of so much housework needing done.

boosterrooster · 04/08/2019 21:48

Get out as much as possible, tire them out. We take turns every Saturday in keeping DC busy while getting shit done.
So DH will bring DC out to the park for an hour while I do jobs at home in peace or just have some quiet time. I'll then bring DC to the shops with me or to my Mums for an hour or 2, he'll make lunch/ dinner and do whatever jobs he needs to do.
We then spend the rest of the weekend together as a family, always try get out for a few hours on Sunday, park/walk/swimming or anything that involves fresh air and family time.

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