How do you break up with someone like this?

[breakup209]

How do you break up with someone who hasn’t done anything wrong, is really a nice person and will make a great partner/husband to someone else, but they’re just not the one for you?

We’re both 30, been together 3 years and live together. For the past year I’ve felt like this, I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I’m not happy, there’s nothing he can do to make me happy. I just want to be single, focus on my career/life, travel etc. He talks about marriage and kids, but I’m just not feeling it. I don’t want to be with him anymore, I’ve tried for the past year to ‘stick it out’ to see if my feelings would change, but I still feel the same. He will be heartbroken, I know he will. But I’m also scared I’m going to end up leaving him anyway in 10 years time, and that’s 10 years wasted.

The thought of not being with him makes me sad because it’s 3 years of my life coming to an end, but at the same time I feel excited and lighter, if that makes sense? I feel so guilty, I don’t know what to do.

I believe that the official line is "it's not you, it's me"...

You sound like you want out.

Just say what you have said here.

You don’t want to string him along but you don’t see this as a long term thing and you want him to happy

Also get out now it will be so worse another 3 or 5 years down the road...

God I can’t type today
Apols for all the missing words

You feel excited and lighter at the thought of not being with him and that says a lot. It's great that you've discovered this sooner rather than later.

Just tell him what you have said here gently and firmly and don't feel guilty. You are only responsible for how you behave and feel and cannot control how others feel. You clearly don't want to hurt him but sometimes it is just unavoidable.

Thank him for the good times you've had together. The choice is sticking together and you being unhappy or him being unhappy temporarily about the situation.

It's not the end of the world. None of us usually settle for our first boyfriend/girlfriend so lots of people split up before they meet the right one.

If it was the other way round what would you want someone to say to you? I think just a simple 'I'm sorry but my feelings have changed and I dont feel the same about you any more, I can't see this working out long term and you're a great person who deserves to be with someone who loves you more than I do'. I'd say I'd felt like that for a while (so he didn't think it was just a temporary thing and youd change your mind) but not a year as I'd be wondering why you wasted a year of my life rather than just speaking to me about it.

Good luck. Will be horrible but after a few days you'll feel so much better

You explain that you don't want the same things. It's truthful and while he'll be devastated, it's not unkind.

You say you don't want to waste his time and yours and you both obviously want different things so it's best to do it now.

I was in a relationship like this for 11 years. He was a really nice guy, but it wasn't going anywhere. Best decision I ever made.

I said exactly that. We weren't going anywhere and wanted different things.

You could do it by reminding yourself that you will actually be doing him a favour. If he wants to get married and have children then you need to set him free in order that he can do that with someone else.

By staying with him you are actually doing him a disservice; apart from wasting his time you are patronising him horribly.

Just do it and you will both be relieved in the long run.

It's so hard, and I feel so guilty. Sometimes I wish he cheated so I had a reason to leave