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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have I been a sucker?

26 replies

toxic44 · 04/08/2019 14:58

Background: DP was v. keen woodworker, suffered severe breakdown (work related) some years ago, dismantled his workshop and has never touched wood since. An elderly widowed friend offered us her late husband's complete workshop set-up (widowed 17 years) if we'd collect the machinery and materials from her garage and shed. DP was interested and became quite excited about it. We went to see, asked how much, was told, 'Nothing, all free.' Went yesterday with a van. Friend wanted the damaged workbench dismantled and all the wood offcuts and rubbishy bits loaded first. He did all that, asked if she wanted to keep anything before he loaded the tools and stuff. Yes. She wanted to keep all the equipment (mitre-saw, circular saw, router, etc, etc. all the good wood, materials and hardware. Then she smiled and thanked him for his help. We were gobsmacked. I reminded her what she'd said but she didn't recall it. I'm furious because it has knocked DP right back into the doldrums and I think I ought not to have said anything about it to him in the first place. So, have we been used or do I expect too much of an elderly woman?

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 04/08/2019 15:01

Cheeky fuck! Yes, you've completely been used. I would have offloaded all the stuff and driven away.

Beldon · 04/08/2019 15:03

You have been used and I would have unloaded everything.

EKGEMS · 04/08/2019 15:04

LI'd have left all the shut it on her front doorstep

OneThreadOnly0101 · 04/08/2019 15:07

Please tell us that you did indeed dump her crap back on her doorstep? No way in hell I would've driven off with it. Cheeky mare.

SummerWhisper · 04/08/2019 15:08

Take it all back, say you have changed your mind. Leave it on the driveway. Sorry if that sounds vengeful but it sounds like she knew what she was doing. Thete is no reason otherwise for her to tell you what to put in first and then halt the situation. Nasty woman. I'm sorry your DP is suffering. That is one cruel stunt that she pulled.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 04/08/2019 15:08

Wow how awful of her! I’d be dropping her rubbish back for her

BloomingHydrangea · 04/08/2019 15:10

Go round and talk to her. If needed then offer her a small amount of money.

Explain what she offered and why you are upset. Explain the impact on your husband.

Confrontayshunme · 04/08/2019 15:52

My dad (who has dementia) did exactly this twice with a load of hobby equipment last year. A man offered to buy things he hadn't used in a decade, but Dad let him have a few useless bits and decided the good things were "valuable" at the last minute. He wasn't being manipulative, just had a tendency to hoard and dementia. This sounds crap though just when your DH was about to get back into something he loved.

LittleLongDog · 04/08/2019 16:01

Is she ok? Has she any relatives you can talk to about her?

If she’s ok I would be furious with her!

Totalwasteofpaper · 04/08/2019 16:31

“She didn’t recall it”
What happened exactly? What was said?

Is she unwell?

Saucery · 04/08/2019 16:36

I don’t think you have been used, I think there is something going on with her. You say she is a friend - is this anything at all like how she is usually? I.e manipulating favours for nothing.

Idontwanttotalk · 04/08/2019 16:45

My first thought is that she has a health problem and I don't think she has used you.

Handsoffmysweets · 04/08/2019 16:48

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Handsoffmysweets · 04/08/2019 16:48

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DerelictWreck · 04/08/2019 16:53

So what did you get to keep?

liitlepenguin · 04/08/2019 17:11

You should have dumped it all back on the drive OP

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2019 17:16

OP- it sounds as if you’ve been conned but ca you go round and talk to her about it? Any chance there has been a misunderstanding?

And can we possibly avoid ageism?

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 17:18

I'd have dumped it all back on her drive and left.

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 17:19

'I don't recall agreeing to be used to dispose of all your rubbish, so here's it back.'

pasturesgreen · 04/08/2019 17:23

The cheek! Please say you unloaded all of her rubbish before leaving.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 04/08/2019 17:30

An elderly widowed friend

She is no friend! Did you dump it all back out? I hope so.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 04/08/2019 17:37

Go back and put everything on her driveway

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/08/2019 17:40

I am loving the way that so many people are excusing her behaviour due to age/illness etc.

The truth is that you have been had and I suspect that either

she does this in many ways to many people.

or

She has been told the worth of what she has in the workshop and will try and sell it.

kazillionaire · 04/08/2019 17:47

I think she has played you using her age as an excuse

Rivkka · 04/08/2019 18:11

That's awful. Did she really not remember do you think?