To wonder if I should get a sick note

[Missmummy88]

Bit of back story, I have two children 4&7, both boys, that fight endlessly. They have sweet hearts but I struggle to keep up with their demanding and challenging behaviour. My hubby is disabled (has one sided semi paralysis) and has recently hurt his good arm, so can’t drive his one handed adapted car, can’t do anything really, beyond sit around) I work four days a week in a job I really enjoy. I have parental help for the days I work over the summer, but, understandably when I’m not working they want their life back. This essentially means I do four days of work, three days of kids continually on loop. I am the one that gets up with them everyday, cares for them, cooks for them, takes them out, manages arguments and then at the end of a long day snuggles them into bed. On work days o do all the care (breakfasts, dressing, lunchboxes, washing, cleaning etc) then I take them to my parents, do a full days work, collect them, cook tea, clean up, put them to bed and then head out around 8.30 to walk our dog.

I’m exhausted, I mean flat out mentally, emotionally exhausted. I’m laying in my bed at 2pm in a sunday because I just can’t bare the responsibility of my life. I earn the money, do the care, am responsible for all the housework, the dog. I have no time for a life. Ironically the one thing that frees me from this darkness is work. I enjoy my work, like my colleagues and am trying really hard to succeed in my career as I feel it’s the only thing I have that’s just mine. There is also obviously the need to make sure I have long term earning potential to support the four of us too!

Anyway, as I say, I am at a point of burnout. I’m mentally withdrawn from my kids and partner, I have piles of washing and life admin, I have been in tears every evening for the last week.

I feel like I need to pause my life. I can’t keep spinning these plates anymore.

Aibu to get a sick note so I can have a few days to pull the pieces of myself back together so I can be the mother and wife I should be? Or is that a huge mistake as o actually love my job and don’t want to be seen as a shirker (I’ve had a few days off this year to look after sick kids). I can’t pause the kids - they need me , I have no alternative care for them.

Thanks

You don't need a sick note if it's under 5 days, and of you need a day or two just take it.

For the rest of summer, would you be able to find/afford other childcare, so that your parents then have the energy and time to potentially help you out on the weekend? Does your DH have family who could help? Does he also have any care that he could access, or would you be able to look into respite care at all? Is there truly nothing he can do at all?

You sound like a trooper, and you deserve some support.

Is there anything your husband can help with, with adjustments?

As above, if your absence is less than seven calendar days then you'd need to self certify.

WhT you actually need is a support network that will be there long term. Having a few days off work wil help in th short term, but you may feel guilty at being off work, and once you return things will still be the same. Your workplace may well be your place of sanctuary. Does your DH get PIP? If so, think about how this can be best used to help everyone in the family.
Would work be prepared to reduce your days to three over the summer, and you put your children in clubs for that day so that you have enough time to catch up on all the menial stuff?
Is there someone who will have your kids once a week overnight? A Friday would be good so that you get to go home from work, spend time with DH, and use Saturday to do the household stuff?
Can you afford a cleaner to do the big jobs once a week?
I'd be telling your parents and in laws just how stressful your life is and be asking for more support. They can't read your mind but I know if my DD came to me to ask for help I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Can you afford unpaid leave? If so, you can request parental leave as you have kids under 18. However, I agree with pp that you need to look at a long term solution for having more help. Best of luck to you OP