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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Life sucks and then you die. True ?

5 replies

thehellyousay · 04/08/2019 14:00

First post, long time lurker, I am not sure how to post new topics so apologies if this is in the wrong section. I am so miserable at the minute. I am a divorced mum of 2 sons. I have been a single mum for 10 years. Ex husband abandoned his sons about 7 years ago. No contact, nothing. This was around the time he got remarried. He was her 3rd husband. I warned him not to tell his sons it was her or them, but he knew best. Needless to say they are now divorced although I have no sympathy for him he chose to walk away. My eldest son is an adult, autistic and struggling with life. We have had the usual fights for services, made harder by the fact I had to do it alone. Endless meetings, Statements, EHCP, DLA and onto the dreaded PIP. Universal Credit etc. I am a nervous wreck at times ! Youngest son doing well and seems happy. I never thought I would get divorced, I stayed in the marriage as long as I could, but my ex was starting to drink really heavily, he is ex military. On more than one occasion my sons witnessed his abuse towards me and had abuse directed at themselves. He was too clever to actually beat me, it was more along the lines of mental abuse. Throughout the years, I am really struggling to find anything positive about myself. I started suffering with horrendous panic attacks, insomnia, weight gain, anxiety and was diagnosed with PTSD. I just feel that I am useless. I hate looking in the mirror, in fact there is one in the house, it's small and round and in the bathroom so my sons can see to shave themselves. I have no direction in my life. I have no sense of purpose anymore and I feel like I have completely lost myself. I feel like I on a pity party with myself but it's so hard to find motivation at times. Maybe I just need a cyber kick up the bum?

OP posts:
Asta19 · 04/08/2019 14:09

What do you want your life to look like? This is what you need to identify first. Then break it down into manageable chunks. So, for example, if you want to work. Do you need more qualifications or experience? Maybe start by going to college or doing some voluntary work. Do you want to be fitter or slimmer? Start by taking short walks, maybe try and eat more healthy a couple of times a week. Then build up from there. If you look at it as a whole it seems unmanageable and that is where lack of motivation kicks in. Just make some very small changes to start and they will encourage you to make more.

RedSheep73 · 04/08/2019 14:14

Find some things that make you happy and do them as often as you can. Life can be grim which is why we have to make the best of it.

Yeahnahmum · 04/08/2019 14:22

Hi op.
You are loved. By your sons. By strangers. Heck maybe even by god. Your life maybe shit now. But maybe that is a good place to start. You can't sink any lower or some bullshit saying like that.

I like what pp said. Just make a list. Who do you wanna be. What makes you happy. What makes you smile. What makes you warm on the inside

You have 2 beautiful kids. Obviously the oldest with struggles. But have you seen how muchyou have done for him, fought for him? You are a super mum. So you've got that in the pocket.

And yes you ex is a dick. But stop looking back. It doesnt chance anything. It just makes you hold on to anger. And will get you nothing.but misery. Find out what makes you tick
What you did pre husband /pre kids that made you happy and that made you feel alive.

Maybe join a group
A book club
A gym
A cinema club
Meet new people
Read a new fantastic book

Get a haircut
Buy new clothes
Get a foster dog

The world is SHIT. Yeah it sure is. but you can make it so beautiful.a beautiful shit. Sounds horrible. Hahah But it isn't.

"The egg when boiled gets hard
The patatoe when boiled gets soft
It is not circumstances, it is what you are made off"

Good luck op. You can do it. I a barracking for you

thehellyousay · 04/08/2019 14:23

Thanks for the replies. I forgot to mention I am on long term antidepressants but I think that's probably by the by now. We moved a few years ago to be closer to family. We have a young dog so I have been taking her out for walks to try and expand my comfort zones. I have been looking around for volunteering jobs . My eldest son takes a lot of organising and last minute changes, as well as transport issues, are not uncommon so I would really struggle with paid work. I had stupidly thought if I could get back home again everything would magically change and all would be well. All I seem to have done is uproot myself and my sons and my mental health seems to be sliding back down again.

OP posts:
thehellyousay · 04/08/2019 14:26

Thanks so much @Yeahnahmum, that was a lovely post and I really need it today. x

OP posts:
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