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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just made a call to NSPCC

16 replies

IjustMadeTheCall · 04/08/2019 11:34

I just reported a family member for emotional and mental abuse to their children.

I feel like I've made the right decision but also the wrong decision.

One of the children wrote a letter crying out for help that he didn't want to live anymore and the response was laughed off with 'what does he have to complain about'.

The children aren't clothed by the parents.
The children are treated horribly by the step mother (regularly asked why they're in their own house).
The children feel and cry that they're a burden on their own parents.

The children deserve better than what they've got. I've offered to have the children of which they said they're not allowed as 'dad can't afford it' - basically the parents don't want to loose the benefit money.
The children hate their home life and are essentially sofa surfing throughout this summer.

The emotional and mental abuse is rife - I don't think it's 100% intentional from the dad just crap parenting. The step mother knows exactly what she's doing.

I'm now worried that the parents will find out it's me and cut me off from the kids as to be honest I feel like the only adult theyve got.

OP posts:
Pollywollydolly · 04/08/2019 11:37

Well done OP. You've done the right thing. The NSPCC won't ever say who reported the abuse, but human nature means the parents will try to guess and they may guess correctly.

Hopefully they will get some help now.

howwudufeel · 04/08/2019 11:39

How brave and brilliant of you to do this.

EugenesAxe · 04/08/2019 11:41

Gosh you poor thing, but you must know deep down you’ve done the right thing, so try to be at peace.

Who knows where this will go, but if SS think it’s serious enough to warrant the children being separated from their parents, then likely they will be very happy to have a trusted family member to help them re-home the children. From what I’ve heard they tend to try to place children within the family where possible.

Talk to SS about how to deal with possible retribution though; they must see it a lot.

RoLaren · 04/08/2019 11:43

I reported a close member of my family to the NSPCC, she got the support she needed so it ended well. I just spent the next year trying to work out with her who had done it ...

CIT80 · 04/08/2019 11:43

If the children are old enough to make a decision then they can come to you - we did the very same thing in these circumstances as children to be rid of a wicked step mother - the children’s well being is more important than the fathers pockets being lined, well done for standing up for them ! Xxx

CodenameVillanelle · 04/08/2019 11:45

Who knows where this will go, but if SS think it’s serious enough to warrant the children being separated from their parents, then likely they will be very happy to have a trusted family member to help them re-home the children. From what I’ve heard they tend to try to place children within the family where possible.

It's not social services who decide children should be removed from parents, it's courts.

OMGshefoundmeout · 04/08/2019 11:49

Well done OP.

AngelasAshes · 04/08/2019 11:58

You did the right (albeit difficult) thing. The children need help.

Original poster
IjustMadeTheCall · 04/08/2019 12:00

I feel like the father just needs some home truths which I think if he has social on his back he'll dump his misses - he's old school and thinks if the kids are fed and not being physically abused they're okay. Hopefully he'll get some parenting classes (not sure if they're even a thing anymore) as I know he does want the best for them but hasn't woken up to his partner/doesn't know what he's doing.

I just really wished I didn't have to go down this route.

OP posts:
HappyLoneParentDay · 04/08/2019 12:04

Sadly they're unlikely to act without multiple reports. Thanks to so many malicious reports these days, they tend to wait for multiple reports unless they've received a sinister allegation.

I once reported my neighbour for going out and leaving her children in the house alone. They were 6 & 10. I finally reported when the 6yr old fell down the stairs.
She received a letter saying no further action will be taken 🤷🏼‍♀️ I called and asked why, to be told the above.....

Missingstreetlife · 04/08/2019 12:11

Well done op. So many ppl just watch on, sometimes with terrible consequences. This will form part of a picture, maybe school or others have concerns too. Tell the children about nspcc and childline so they can call by themselves if needed.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 04/08/2019 12:21

Well done . You absolutely done the right thing by those DC

KUGA · 04/08/2019 12:28

You did the right thing.
And IF they do think its you and they ask/accuse ,just deny it and say I love youre children far too much to do such a thing.
Cant prove any different.

MamaOfBothTeams · 04/08/2019 12:29

You definitely done the right thing Op

BlueSuffragette · 04/08/2019 12:48

How hard for you but you made the right decision to help the children. Flowers

suzy2b · 04/08/2019 12:49

How old are these children if their soffa surfing and how manydoes the father not wonder why they are not home

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