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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU not going to wedding reception of direct report today

47 replies

Waytooearly · 04/08/2019 09:55

A young man was hired in my department two weeks ago. We knew when hiring him that he was getting married this weekend (because he asked for some time off). I supervise him.

He invited our small team to the wedding reception taking place this afternoon. We're all pitching in on a gift.

I've woken up with a stomach bug. Nausea and everything else.

Now it's the kind of bug where I could dose myself up with immodium and pepto bismol, drive there and make an appearance, and then leave. If I had important work function, like a court hearing, that's what I would do.

But I so want to just sit here at home and drin fizzy water.

So what do you think, should I treat this as an important work thing and muscle through?

Or should I treat it as a social thing and just send heartfelt regrets?

OP posts:

Treaclepie19 · 04/08/2019 10:22

Please don't attend anything for work or pleasure with a stomach bug.

Original poster

Waytooearly · 04/08/2019 10:23

I'm grateful for the responses, thanks.

Please keep finding things to get angry about, it's making me perk up.

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 04/08/2019 10:32

I think it's very kind of him to invite. I can't see an issue if you don't go at all. Polite apology. Job done.

JustDanceAddict · 04/08/2019 10:35

Def don’t go!
Send apologies and tell your colleagues too if you like.

S1naidSucks · 04/08/2019 10:36

Waytooearly, I don’t want you taking this the wrong way, but since you’re his supervisor, he’ll probably be quite relieved that you can’t go. It might be different if he knew you and knows what you find acceptable behaviour, but since he’s new, he probably wants to make a good impression. Just apologise and relax at home.

cottonwoolsnowmen · 04/08/2019 10:37

Yeh, I'd be more offended if somebody showed up to my important event with a bug to pass onto me and my guests.

Aridane · 04/08/2019 10:37

Don't go (and don't go in Monday either)

ohcanada · 04/08/2019 10:39

Don't go!

But make sure that you still pitch in for gift, post them a lovely card and make a big fuss and ask to see pics when they're back in the office.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 04/08/2019 10:41

It's a social event and not a court summons, it was a courtesy/obligation invite at best, he'll probably be relieved if he doesn't have his boss there, and you might give other people the bug. Not going is a no-brainer.

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2019 10:42

Heartfelt regrets and take tomorrow off too!

PeacockSunday · 04/08/2019 10:44

As others have said, these viruses are very easily passed on. You're better to stay at home.

In all honesty as the groom he's unlikely to notice who attends the evening reception and who doesn't.

Get well soon.

lesleyw1953 · 04/08/2019 10:44

LOVE the remark to Emma!! Had me chortling away ....

Drum2018 · 04/08/2019 10:47

No offence to you but he must be hard up for guests if he's inviting people he only met 2 weeks ago. I was in a job 6 months when I got married and only invited one colleague who I had become friendly with. Don't go. You don't want to pass the bug on and he'll hardly take offence at someone he's known a fortnight not coming to his wedding.

Original poster

Waytooearly · 04/08/2019 10:49

Thanks guys.

You know what it is: when I was his age, my boss came to my wedding, sought out my parents, and told them how much she enjoyed working with me and how proud they must be. Such a nice memory all these years later.

But yeah, had she spread a stomach bug the day would've ended very differently.

OP posts:

gingersausage · 04/08/2019 11:01

I don’t even understand why you’ve been invited. Seems really bizarre (and sucky-uppy) to me to invite your boss of two weeks to your wedding.

And no, I wouldn’t even consider going. If you gave everyone your bug, the fallout would be immense. It could actually lead to the venue being shut down while testing was done for food poisoning.

BuddysMama · 04/08/2019 11:13

I actually think it's really sweet of you to be worries about it, I think it makes you a really good boss that you're concerned about upsetting him!! (Not sure why so many people have got so worked up over it haha)

But, I wouldn't go if you're poorly! You'll feel rubbish and have a rubbish time and risk passing it on to other guests, and given that there is likely to be children and elderly relatives there I wouldn't risk it! He'll fully understand. I got married last year and I couldn't tell you who was or wasn't at my evening reception that I'd invited lol xx

OMGshefoundmeout · 04/08/2019 11:25

It’s silly to say you can’t call in sick to a court room. Of course you can. I can accept that you would do your best not to but to suggest it can’t be done is very dramatic. If that were the truth you’d have women in labour being wheeled in or IC patients giving evidence whilst attached to drips and monitors, surrounded by nursing staff.

Stay at home and send your apologies.

user1471449295 · 04/08/2019 11:27

Stay at home. Hope you feel better

Original poster

Waytooearly · 04/08/2019 11:42

Well yes, if you couldn't attend a hearing or trial at short notice due to illness, you'd have to make an emergency application for an adjournment, and the court would request medical evidence. "Having a stomach bug" would not cut it. It would have to be something like a severe accident. A woman nearing term is not likely to schedule herself for hearings.

And you're very unlikely to find someone to replace you at only few hours' notice.

OP posts:

KD272 · 04/08/2019 12:12

Am I the only person wondering if this is the same wedding as the one in the Ten White Horsemen of the Apocalypse , which is taking place today ? The one where the bride and groom upset the groom’s family by not inviting them, then found out lots of people couldn’t attend, so have empty seats to fill.

Alconleigh · 04/08/2019 12:20

Yes sit it out, for both contagion reasons and so you can rest up and recover. I can't really get past him inviting you all in the first place tbh, you're practically strangers to him at this point.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 04/08/2019 12:34

@KD272

I had the same thought. 😂

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