Okay I don't want to drip feel here so I'll keep it as to the point as possible but may be a bit long sorry.
Got pregnant last year to a guy I'd only been seeing a few months. I decided to keep the baby and gave him the choice to leave. He said he would stay and we would try and make it work.
Throughout pregnancy I was so ill, had pleurisy, bronchitis and pneumonia. He was basically non existent, going out drinking all the time, lads hol to Vegas which I paid for etc.
Also had issues with the baby being too high throughout, morning sickness right up until birth which was via c-section as she was breech. Again he didn't really care but everyone kept saying 'things will change once he sees the baby.'
They didn't.
He took a month paternity leave yet I must have seen him about 1 hour a day, he went out every weekend and didn't help or care.
I reached breaking point in December and said if he doesn't help more he's out. Well he didn't and we had the worst Christmas and new year imaginable. He was out or in bed constantly. Never got anyone presents and was just non existent again,
His family came over in feb and March, I had to cook, clean, entertain and do baby as he literally did nothing.
I should point out that at this point he has not done one night, early morning and only about 5 nappies overall with the baby since birth.
In April I kicked him out but he came back grovelling and said he would change. They did but not even close to enough I need and now we have broken up last week.
Since then he has been trying to be hands on but only if I'm around, otherwise he just leaves the baby to play as he sits on his phone. Still not one night with her, today will be the first day he has her for more than 2 hours and I'm petrified.
Problem I'm having.
He is insistent that he is taking the baby to his home country in September as they are her family and deserve to see her.
I do not want to go.
I do not want baby to go.
The family have made minimal effort with baby or myself so why should I put myself out there to go and see them, especially if he and I are no longer together.
He cannot possibly take baby alone as he is clueless. There is zero bond there and he homeschooled hasn't got a clue what he's doing.
So far in her 11 months of life he has bout 3 packs of nappies, 5 tins of baby food, zero night shifts, 3 morning shifts (only this week) 10 nappy changes and never taken her out alone for more than a 5 min trip to the shop (which has maybe once or twice).
AIBU to not let her go?