DS doing lifts at all hours....AIBU

[Grownupkidsstillaworry]

DS, almost 19 is a good lad. Has an apprenticeship where he earns a good wage and with this he’s bought a lovely car. His insurance is high as you’d imagine and he’s well aware that any bump, however small will push his premium up through the roof.

He’s not keen on drinking or clubbing and rarely joins his friends but Around once every 6 weeks or so they’ll go out and he will offer to pick them up at the end of the night. Tonight is one such night. He did mention earlier in the evening that tonight he’d be ‘doing lifts’. I hate it when he does this.

He’s very quiet and creeps out, leaving at around 2-3am and usually taking about an hour or two. The town is 20 minutes away, he then invariably gets asked to call in for food on the way back.

I honestly don’t know whether to tell him this is unacceptable, I can never sleep and settle when he does this (I always hear him leave however quiet he is) plus I think he should be really protecting his luxury of owning a car and driving and not potentially inviting trouble by driving groups of drunk friends around in the early hours of the morning. My mum brain immediately thinks of all those awful news headlines of fatalities in groups of youngsters in cars.

I don’t want to be ‘that’ mother, laying the law down to an adult but I know my parents would never have tolerated it - I had the ‘your Treating this place like a hotel’ line trotted out for far less.

So, AIBU? Should he be allowed to come and go from his (and our) home exactly as he pleases or should this be a line drawn?

Doing lifts is totally normal. Bit of extra cash and a bit of a laugh with your mates.

Doing lifts is totally normal. Bit of extra cash and a bit of a laugh with your mates.
I’d say doing lifts is normal if you are on the night out but to go out at that time just to give them a lift isn’t normal.
Also I have rtft but i can’t seem to see if he’s getting paid for this so maybe no extra cash.

I’d be extremely surprised if this due to drugs, that didn’t even appear on my radar as he’s never shown any inclination to smoke, drink much, he values his sport, looks after himself etc. I really don’t think it’s that.

He has a close group of friends and this appears to be what they do, when he’s been out drinking in the past another one of the group (or their older brother / sister) does the lift. A taxi from town is £30 so they all try and avoid using them if possible.

I know my anxiety over it all is not his problem, I have said to him that I’m not at all happy that he does it, purely based on the fact there are other idiots on the road at that time of the morning but he says it’s fine. As I said before, he’s an adult, I cannot force him or demand that he doesn’t do things (unless it clearly puts him or us / our home at high risk), this seems just an unnecessary thing to do if it means he does have a bump.

For people that asked, he doesn’t have a black box, we helped him pay his first year insurance, he’s paying this second year himself as it’s come down to around £800 which is something he can easily manage himself.

I think the consensus is that he should be allowed to carry on, I just need to take a chill pill. I’m sure it was easier when they were toddlers, at least I knew where they were, even though they had me up all night then too 😦

I think it's perfectly normal.

It's normally done for extra cash. Doing 'lifts' at weekends will often pay enough for petrol for the week.
I know cash isn't the issue here but young adults still enjoy driving in general and driving friends in the car.

He sounds like a sensible lad who is picking the bit he likes of the socialising his friends do. He can have a catch up and a burger, come home to bed and wake up with no hangover.

Oh god it's so hard when they grow up but still live at home. Dss are 18 and 21 and I know how you feel. At 18 I left home but rent was cheap in the 80s and I didn't go to uni.
It's all different now.

Ds sometimes gives his pals lifts home. I worry too, but think it's nice they look out for each other.

There are other idiots on the road at all times of day, OP. At least there's less traffic about at that time of night.

Completely normal thing for my DS to do. Bit of cash and laugh and a burger. He sounds sensible and a good kid.

I used to do this for my friends in my first couple of years of driving for no other reason that I just enjoyed the freedom/independence that having my own car afforded me and liked driving.

Petrol money was always welcomed and I used to laugh at my drunk mates who were hilarious rather than idiots!

If he is "doing lifts" and charging people he needs to find out if insurance will cover him for trade.

My DSD was doing this until we had "a chat" about it.

Also, he is a young driver on the roads at the most dangerous time.

I’m not sure why no one has picked up on the fact this is ONCE every SIX weeks!!
He is considerate and tries not to make a sound when he goes out. Your anxiety is your problem, you could have so much worse. Every weekend both Friday and Saturday night making loads of racket coming in and out? YANBU and he would be using your house as a hotel. Once every six weeks and how sensible and considerate you have made him out to be YANVVVVU

Obviously that was meant to read YABVVVVU!!