To not understand why my DCs and their friends never meet up?

[jessicawessica]

When I was a kid (yes it was a long time ago) we spent all our time together in the school holidays. We'd call for each other, meet up on the local Rec, etc.
My DCs NEVER see their "friends". They play online together, but when I suggest going round to their houses or them coming to our house, it's like, no way.
Is it me being weird or my DCs and their friends?

Generational changes. They'll be communicating far more the way they do, than the way we did by hanging out.

How old are yours, young teens ish? They'll sort out hanging out once they start (a) chasing tail and (b) have enough cash to do something while hanging out.

Was chatting with DP earlier today about changes. There's a nice playpark nearby, and there's almost always a gaggle or two of young teens there as well as the tinies and mums. The teens are never smoking, shouting or drinking. They're just sat chatting or sometimes playing on the equipment - and they give it up to the tinies. It's really sweet!

They don't have to physically meet up. My son watched a movie with his friend and her family by doing a face-to-face on his laptop to her and she turned her laptop toward their tv so he could see and hear the movie and all the conversation in the room and he could join in.
They can do everything except share a bowl of popcorn without leaving their homes!

This links with the thread about kids coming home late at night - some people on there said that they never let their kids out unless an activity or arranged visit

It’s a bit sad isn’t it . I get that they all
Socialise online . But feels weird to me too

Let’s hope this is the generation that eventually go lo tech eventually

In the same boat here too op. DS is 13 and will spend hours chatting to his friends and playing online but NEVER do they meet up. I’ve suggested his friends come here or I can drop him to their house or I can collect and drop them somewhere, cinema, trampolining, swimming, local theme park, etc. He just says no and that no one does that
It makes me sad really that he lives in this online virtual bubble without socialising face to face, but maybe that’s just the way most teens live now. It’s just so alien to me I guess!

The Internet now exists.

This links with the thread about kids coming home late at night - some people on there said that they never let their kids out unless an activity or arranged visit

I think this is a massive part of the problem, combined with the tech they have these days, kids can't just go out.

I was reading just the other day about a mum who doesn't let her 14 year old out. I mean WTF?

Ds - 15 - has been our most days w various friends so far. He also games online w the friends when not seeing them.
DD - 17 - has been away and has seen friends on and off. She also talks online a lot too.
I think a mixture is good. I don’t think online compensates for going out though - it’s a different dynamic.

This links with the thread about kids coming home late at night
Well I wouldn’t let my 13yo out late at night but would be over the moon if he wanted to go out and about during the day with his friends. Even just meeting at the park on their bikes for a game of football or something.

And this is why anxiety and self esteem is at an all time low. Our children do not know how to pick up on visual social skills with their peers etc...... as they are sit at home talking virtually. We need to encourage more face to face meetings with our children and their peers. It is not healthy to do all of this online. They all struggle in the real world.

DS1(15) is always out at friends houses etc, his group of friends seem to like being together. I know it's not the case for a lot of his school year though, who instead use FaceTime / PS4's to socialise. So I think DS is definitely in the minority!

@PoptartPoptart I could’ve written your post 100%.
@Trafalger absolutely agree, infact I ensured boys ds’s went out to do voluntary work this summer and it’s made a remarkable difference to ds1 in particular. More eye contact, more energy, more running up and down stairs as opposed to the usual sliding/gliding against the wall as if in a daze and funny anecdotes to share with the family about customers he’s met during his volunteering. They share nothing about their online forays, it’s all a water-tight secret.

Yes this is my 13 year old as well. He's having a few days off tech and it's like he's lost a limb

Older DS is also agog that there is no longer any calling for each other like he did

I suppose we're all aware of the irony of discussing this on an anonymous online forum.

Still, I get what you're saying and because it's not familiar to us we don't trust it. But every generation has its own way of creating community; this is how our kids are choosing to do it right now.

YANBU. Sometimes it seems as if half the posts on AIBU are related to the poster’s ‘social’ anxiety, long term friendlessness or mix ups over digital communications that could easily be sorted by a face-to-face conversation. It’s only going to get worse as we become increasingly isolated and cut off from each other. Half the posters on this site won’t answer their front door unless an appointment has been booked in for six months in advance, FFS! I find it all very sad.

So true, **envolopeofpubes

Exactly envelopeofpubes !

A mix is good - the internet should enhance, not replace, all other aspects of life.Kids can be online socialising for several hours and still have many more hours available to get out of the house! The problems stored up by staying in your room talking on line and never going out (or answering the door, or having a face to face conversation with anyone you don't live with) are psychiatric, social, emotional and physical!