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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why are my parents not taking this seriously??

37 replies

Moofreemum1 · 04/08/2019 00:25

I've had 2 previous posts about being harassed by a man I was dating for 6 weeks. Won't go into it too much but I've called the police tonight to put in a complaint as he still isn't leaving me alone. I've just told my parents he set a false social media account up and pointed out why I knew it was him. Their reaction was "well obviously he just likes you more than you like him". No reassurance or concern for me and that I'm scared. I'm staying at my parents btw because I feel uneasy and usually live alone with DS. He's at his dad's this weekend. They have now gone to bed. Didn't ask if I was ok, just minimising. Seems like they feel I'm blowing this out of proportion even though all of my friends have said I need to report his behaviour. AIBU to be upset/frustrated with them? Why wont they take this seriously and support me.

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ohnoessexgirl · 04/08/2019 08:12

My entire family have reacted like that in my case in the past. Just because they're your family doesn't mean they aren't arseholes. I only bother having contact with one of them now. They're basically not nice people. Sounds like you should consider getting rid sweetie. Take this harasser very seriously. Report report report- make the police sick of you. He sounds like he could be dangerous xx

MollyButton · 04/08/2019 08:13

Okay - your parents are pretty crap.
But at least they are providing a safe bolt hole.
Do keep talking to the police. Do talk to your friend. Do talk to other people.
And there are things you can do, both legal and practical (CCTV). Have you put in a Claire's law request?

And we all believe you - and think he's potentially dangerous. Flowers

Craftycorvid · 04/08/2019 08:13

I think you’ve said it, OP, in that your parents have basically normalised abusive relationships including their own. Sounds like the impact on you has been huge. Have you now/in the past any support outside family and friends?

Soontobe60 · 04/08/2019 08:13

Op, what is it that he's doing that is harassing you? What incident led to you contacting the police this time?
Do you feel like he might harm you? Make sure you complete a police report so that they can act accordingly.

contrary13 · 04/08/2019 09:04

My parents (68 and 70) both have social media accounts... but neither actually understand how dangerous (in the wrong hands) the Internet can actually be. Sometimes, I do think that they believe there are little men inside of their computer running around finding all the information they want to look up... Hmm

You want your parents to say "we understand how scared you are" and "we'll make sure you're safe" - because, at the end of the day, they're your parents. That's their role in your life... I understand that. But you're also an adult, who has a child of your own. I wouldn't mind betting that somewhere in their minds, your parents are thinking "oh, she's a grown up mother now... our job is done!" Sad Sometimes, our parents fail us, because they compare us to them at whatever age we are... and they find us lacking, maybe. My mother was married at 19 and regularly slings that at me as a badge of honour. I was 19 when I became a single parent, so that left me with more responsibility than marriage - but she won't view it that way, and I've given up saying "at 19, you were playing house and travelling the world... when I was that age, I was knee deep in nappies and caring for a baby with special needs, whilst terrified her abusive biological father was going to hurt her just to get back at me for having dared to leave him!". There's no point. Their view of the world is fixed, I'm afraid, and nothing we - their children - can say will ever change it.

You're safe. You've reported it to the police. Hopefully that's an end to it (I hope so, anyway). But learn this lesson: don't rely on your parents for support, because unfortunately, they seem to think their job of raising you is done... Sad

Moofreemum1 · 04/08/2019 14:35

I did put in a clares law request and it came back clear.
I had a huge argument with my mum this morning where should blamed me for his behaviour and said i was over reacting!! I stood up for myself and said i cant control peoples behaviour and shes suppose to be my mum and support me when i feel scared!!

The police came round and said its borderline harassment as they cannot prove the social media account is his. He said he believes me but they wont be able to prove it. Only if it was to go to court if there was more evidence to charge him. So atm its just being put on the system and if he does anything else to contact them and then they can do something about it. I hope this is the end of it, ive been really stressed!

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EKGEMS · 04/08/2019 15:02

I think I'd leave and check into a hotel vs their home and lack of support

QuickThinkOfAName · 04/08/2019 15:15

Sorry you're going through this

What did you parents say when the police agreed with you. They just can't prove it.

If you can I would move out of there. You need support but being told you're blowing things out of proportion!

Did the police have any other advice? Sorry I don't know much about this. I'm hoping other posters can advise Thanks

QuickThinkOfAName · 04/08/2019 15:15

*Not being told

Moofreemum1 · 04/08/2019 15:34

My parents don't know I contacted the police. I couldn't be dealing with my hassle and stuff from them. I know what I did was right. He didn't give any advice he said he thinks I'm not in danger and he thinks things will calm down. I'm trying to think the same but we will see. But he's blocked me now so hopefully in his eyes he's like I've now rejected her so good on me type thing. I'm going to stay elsewhere tonight but tomorrow night I'll be back home. In going to get extra security put on the house

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PumpkinP · 04/08/2019 15:54

coming back clear could just mean things haven’t been reported, I know I didn’t report a lot of what I should have.

Is he coming to your house?

Moofreemum1 · 04/08/2019 16:24

No I haven't seen him near my house or anything. I'm hoping this is the end of it. Really hope!

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