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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should stop meeting up with this friend.

9 replies

Asta19 · 04/08/2019 00:03

I have a friend I meet every couple of months or so for a few drinks. I liked her at first but I have come to realise that every single time we meet she knocks me down. Off the top of my head the last few times we met up she said “you look tired” “you look pale” “you’ve put on weight”. Always an insult within the first 10 minutes of meeting. I met her last week and she commented on my eyelashes! I have a skin condition (like vitiligo but the opposite, even the doctors I’ve seen aren’t sure what it is) and it’s made my eyelashes go white. I do use mascara sometimes but on this occasion I hadn’t. But straight away she managed to make me feel shit for the rest of the evening. She does know about this skin condition and knows how self conscious I feel about it so it felt very cruel.

Then she mentioned hoovers and I said “you should get a shark, they’re great” and I mentioned how I had bought one based on MN recommendations (thanks ladies!). I had also mentioned maybe a year ago about something I had read on MN, So then she starts laughing at me saying “god you and that MN, are you still going on there??” Like it’s the saddest most ridiculous thing to do!

I can’t ditch her completely as we both wfh for the same manager so there are occasions when we need to interact. But honestly she just makes me feel shit about myself and I’m not sure I can deal with it anymore. She has moments of kindness and then I think ok I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt over the rest of it but then she says something shitty again and I remember why I make excuses not to meet up with her.

OP posts:
Joopy · 04/08/2019 00:05

Yes, start thinking of excuses! She sounds awful.

Isittheend · 04/08/2019 00:06

Yanbu. I would just distance myself completely. Life's too short for that shit.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 04/08/2019 00:07

Yep, stay away, you really don't need to put yourself through that.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2019 00:08

Can you calmly tell her how rude you find it when she comments on your physical appearance?

CalmdownJanet · 04/08/2019 00:08

Next time she does it look at your watch and say "wow only 10 minutes to the first pass remarkable comment, my money was on 15 minutes, you're getting the insults in quicker every time we meet"

Asta19 · 04/08/2019 00:10

Janet I love that comeback! I need to work on being brave enough to use it! I didn’t know if I was maybe being over sensitive. But it seems I am not.

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 04/08/2019 00:15

You could turn it back onto her.
"You've put on weight"
"Blimey! So have you!"

Or, you could decide that life is too short, with plenty enough to get you down without having a 'friend' that does it too.

fromthefloorboardsup · 04/08/2019 00:16

I wouldn't be friends with this person. Keep it civil if you have to work with her but don't see her any more than you really have to, she sounds horrid!

user1471504234 · 04/08/2019 00:26

If you can’t distance yourself completely, next time you see her you need to show her that you know what she’s doing. So after a couple of comments you could say “so I look pale and have gained weight, anything else?” Shows her you have noticed her comments without the need to be overly confrontational.

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