Just need to vent, sorry.

[biggirlknickers]

I’ve posted before about my exh (DC’s dad).

He treats me like shit. Can barely look at me during handovers. Messages are curt and rude unless he needs a favour. Such as taking the DC to his wedding, doing their hair and picking them up from his wedding.

At aforementioned wedding he thought it appropriate to insult me to all his guests down the microphone. I wasn’t there - but my DC were and they told me.

He owes hundreds in CM but if I ever mention it I get insulted.

Today he and his new DW have been messaging with my older DC (age 11) and I’ve stupidly been and read it while checking DC’s phone. He (to DC) called me a “boring old sod” and suggested that I am not making good choices for DC. His DW joined in with the suggestion (this was simply about what we were watching on telly, nothing important).

DC is being brainwashed into thinking that whatever I’m into is “boring” and exh regularly makes jokes about me, takes the piss or insults me to DC. Left to own devices, DC actually likes what I’m into. DC also liked what exh is into (very different from me) but I say nothing. No reason why DC can’t be interested in more than one kind of thing!

DC comes back from dad’s moody and difficult. Then we argue and DC messages exh saying I’m in a mood. More fuel for the fire.

He’s a fucking twat of the highest order.

I’m so angry I’m crying. I’ve done nothing to deserve how he treats me. He’s deliberately trying to turn my DC against me.

He won't succeed. DCs will wise up to this sort of behaviour

He is succeeding right now! DC messaged him today “I wish I was back at yours” because DC was moody with me and I wasn’t putting up with the moodiness. People have been telling me for years that they will see it like it is eventually. And maybe they will. But that day isn’t coming anytime soon!

I think this sort of thing is illegal now. It's called parental alienation which is hugely damaging to your kids. I would actally stop him seeing the dc, on the basis that his behaviour is harming the kids.

My ex used to behave like this undermining and denigrating me to dc and I've told him I will stop him seeing my dc if it happens again.

People may say that the dc will come to realise the truth one day, the problem with this is that, firstly, you are having to deal with your dc difficult behaviour now. Secondly, your ex could succeed in turning dc against you for good, it's been known to have happened.

I would consider telling ex that you are considering stopping contact as his disrespecting of you to dc is having a profound negative impact on dc, and that parental alienation is illegal.

Also, you need to be firm and reassuring with dc that you are the parent, you will always have their best interests at heart, they can trust you, however, they must respect you.

Please don't put up with this shit from your ex. You don't want to lose your son to this twat.

My very lovely and reasonable partner thinks I’m over-reacting to be so upset about it. I think he thinks I should just shrug it off and ignore it as that’s how it’s always going to be.

I don't think you're overreacting. It's serious when looked at as a full pattern of behaviour.

Have you considered maybe talking to Women's Aid about what's happening? 0808 2000 247

Might not be a bad idea to keep a diary of everything that's going on in case you need to evidence the long term pattern. Treating it as something to neutrally record without your emotions might also help you step back and detach yourself a bit. He wants to see it hurt you and control you, don't let it.

If you know DC always come back moody from his, maybe you need to allow that while they decompress rather than reacting to it and fuelling this situation.

If you know DC always come back moody from his, maybe you need to allow that while they decompress rather than reacting to it and fuelling this situation.

You are so right about this. Unfortunately I clash with older DC quite a lot at the moment. I don’t know if the moodiness is pre-teen hormones, anxiety at starting high school in a few weeks, or exh driving a wedge between us. Or a combination of all of the above. But when they are moody, disrespectful and demanding it’s hard to step back and not call them up on it.

Having said that, I will definitely try to not react. I think they usually need about 24hours before returning to normal after a visit.