To want the heat on?

[Dogdogcat]

It's cold here, 14 degrees. I asked DP to turn the heat up as he was going upstairs. He said it's not cold. I told him I'm cold. Then he said we're going to have to pay more for the heat. It seems like everything I say I get push back. I'm really tired of it. I'm sat here crying now over something so small and insignificant. He'll come down and tell me he put the heat up.

Are you in Outer Mongolia?

YANBU to want to be comfortable in your home. Sounds like this is part of a much bigger picture...?

Put a jumper on?

Assuming that you have already tried the simple fixes - putting on an extra layer or using a throw, for example, then YANBU to want the heating on.

Do you have a jumper on or several layers? I cat imagine being cold when it is 14 degrees. Surely if you are the one who is cold the onus should be on you to find a way to get warmer, not for him to put the heating on and thus making him even warmer than he currently is.

Where are you? Just put a jumper on...

Just put the bloody heating on, I’d be freezing at 14*, you pay for half the bills and it’s your house also.

Tell him to put a tee shirt on, if he’s to hot

Are you in Outer Mongolia?

I thought the same thing. Currently in mid Wales, sat outside in shorts and a tee shirt enjoying a glass of red.

However, if it was 14 degrees inside, I'd either stay outside or light the fire/put the heating on.

Cry? Just get up and put it on yourself. There’s something else going on if this upsets you so much.
But you must be unlucky it’s still really warm and all doors are open here.

Instead of sitting downstairs crying about it, can't you just go upstairs yourself and turn the heating up?

And where are you? Im guessing not the UK as it certainly isn't cool enough to warrant the hearing being turned on!

It's still 22 here DS has just gone to bed in a short sleeved vest, one tog grobag and a fan on in the room. So I'm assuming you're not in the UK. I'm not sure if 14 warrants heating unless you already have socks, jumper and a throw and you're still cold, or if you're unwell/health issues. You can warm yourself more easily than he can stay cool with the heating on, without opening Windows etc. This must be part of a bigger picture to be so upset.

I'm in northern Canada, it's cold and wet. I have a sweater on and I've turned it up myself, he said he was going up so I asked him to. There is more to this than just putting on the heat. I feel like everything I say is invalidated, this is just the thing that pushed me over the edge. I said I'm cold and I'm essentially told I'm not cold, it's not cold in here, and even if it is cold he doesn't want to pay the three cents it might cost to warm the house up. I guess I should have explained this in the op, sorry for the drip feed.

I'm sorry to ask a personal question but are you both bringing home similar amounts of money? Or are you in a situation where DP is the sole earner? Just trying to determine if he is worried about money or something.

I am on maternity leave, so I am not really contributing right now. I get employment insurance which covers my car payment, phone, buys some groceries that's about it. He keeps a pretty strong hold on his money -he's tight, always has been, but not so much with things that are a priority for him-. He pays the rent and puts $500 in the joint account for bills, which just covers them. I feel poor (and I'm not, I have retirement savings, and other investments, but no day to day cash) and powerless.

This is about a lot more than the heating OP. Do you have any support around you? The reason you're not earning as much is because you just had his child! It sounds like financial control.

There are really two things going on, the money issue and the implication that what I think or say is invalid. The two things came together today with the heat comment. I say something and I get told that, for what ever reason, I'm wrong. I am not used to not having money and I never imagined that I would be in this position. I've alway been very independent. Having the baby has made me very vulnerable and I'm finding it very difficult.