Was it worth it?

[AnnonniMoose]

Posting here for traffic.

With so many threads about abusive partners, I though it would be worth starting a thread about how it has changed/improved the lives of those who have been through this and managed to leave/get out. My hopes is that this can serve as encouragement and hope for those who feel they're stuck in a situation they can't get out of, and fear leaving etc.

I remember the first morning I woke up in my own place. It was so wonderful . I didn't have to walk on eggshells. I could have any breakfast I bloody well wanted. I could wear makeup without 1,000 questions as to who I wanted to impress/why I was wearing makeup etc. I could cook whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I could give the DC a treat without the raised eyebrows and 'you're not really giving them that, are you?' I could sleep comfortably in my own bed without him shouting at me that I was 'breathing on him', him checking to see if I was really on the edge of the bed so I didn't take up any more space than he was happy with. The list goes on.

So many more things, but even though I'm still damaged and scared of him 7 years later, I am so much happier and I'm FREE!!!!!

The silence! The lovely silence.

All of what you said OP- living without an atmosphere or judgment sums it up, but 6 years down the line the biggest advantage for me has been discovering some self belief and higher standards. I could have easily bounced from one abusive relationship to another, or less serious a relationship for the sake of being in one, but after 3 years alone with DD (tho ex has been a nightmare throughout) I've now been with the most wonderful man for 3 years. I met a few frogs before him, but if it hadn't been for toxic ex and time alone I never would have valued myself enough to go for the very best. We're not perfect, but he's kind to me and kindness I've come to realise is what I most need from a relationship

Great idea for a thread.

I was in a relationship which was mildly emotionally abusive. It could have been way worse.

For a while I knew our relationship was wrong but felt too scared to leave, and felt like I couldn't leave on a practical level, because I couldn't afford to rent on my own in London.

Then one night he chucked me out for the sin of wanting to leave the room during an argument, because I was scared of him and wanted to wait and continue the conversation when we'd both calmed down.
The last bit of love I had for him went away. I found an alternative solution to our living situation.

I loved unpacking once he'd gone. We'd moved together a few months earlier and he'd unpacked the basics but then couldn't be bothered to do the rest, but I wasn't allowed to unpack because I did it wrong. It drove me mad, everything being in boxes. I used to have to wait til he was out and unpack in secret.

I loved it when he'd gone and I could put things wherever I wanted!!

I was single for about 2 years and now I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year.
I can't believe how different he is. I've never felt scared of him and he's never ever called me horrible names.
Once he said "I think you're being... ... ... a bit unreasonable" and it seemed like he really deliberated over whether to say 'unreasonable', whereas my ex had called me all kinds of horrible names at the drop off a hat, while I sat and cowered in fear.

The best thing is feeling so much more confident and comfortable. I never have to second guess myself or wonder if I'm going mad.

My current boyfriend always encourages me to do things like writing my novel, whereas my ex discouraged me because he felt threatened by it.

It was SO WORTH IT.

However hard you think it is to leave, it's actually a bit easier.
And however impossible it seems to leave, there is always a way.

So glad to hear you're all happier too!

@Scuttlingherbert - ah yes, the namecalling. I so do not miss being called a stupid idiot/c**t/waste of space etc on a daily basis. Also don't miss being told I always fuck everything up, when I know I don't!

Just after I separated from my ex I burnt some oven chips, my son just said ‘don’t worry mum I’ll go to the chippy’ and the relief the joy the realisation that that’s what normal people do. They don’t shout they don’t sulk they don’t huff and puff.
It is better in every single way. I’m skint but it’s worth it every day. Ten years free now.

I could pee when I wanted
Use as many pads as I liked when I had my period
Go for a shower
Talk to who I liked
Eat what I liked
Drink what I liked
Wear what I liked
Wear make up
Go where I liked
But what I liked
Etc etc
But most of all we didn’t live in fear anymore

Not have that sinking feeling when I hear the key in the door. Kids being themselves.
Finally get off the emotional roller coaster and dictate my own emotions, not be dictated to by his, then farting round him putting him first when it should have been the dcs.

STBXH was abusive, so I’m divorcing.
I know it’s trivial, but I ate crisps in bed with pop at midnight and I could! Funny thing is don’t like crisps too much and don’t drink pop, but just had to be done!
And the other thing, turning our bedroom into MY bedroom!
And no I don’t miss any of the abuse, drama or daily chaos either!

Arriving home from work and not feeling worse with every step towards my door and wondering what I was going to find, if he would be drunk or had wrecked my stuff again as punishment for something.

Dying my hair again!!!

Putting on make up and wearing whatever I wanted just to go to the post office!

Meeting friends and not having to leave early because he was blowing up my phone. And not having to watch friends faces when he was out with us in disbelief at how he would speak to me and about me to them.

I could sleep through the night without being shoved awake for sex/an argument.

Have been married now for just over 9 years, together for 12 to DH. We argue and he's a grumpy arse sometimes but I've never been scared to argue back. We also have an amazing sex life cos we both enjoy it!

Thirty years later I still look around my lovely peaceful house and think this is all mine. I can do whatever I want, go wherever I please. See who I want to, not see who I don’t want to. Spend my money how I want to. Eat when I like, sleep when I like. Don’t have to walk on eggshells. Will never again feel a sense of dread because I hear a key in the door. Never again will I have to justify myself to anyone. I AM FREE. Yes, that was a shout. 😄

Nothing worse than taking a beating..😢😢😢😢