Rubbish parents thinking they are super parents when they become grandparents

[BeepBeep9876]

Why do some parents that were adequate at best as parents suddenly think they are super parents when they become grandparents. Giving you lots of unsolicited advice.

Any of you have parents like this?

AIBU to be annoyed by it? I think I was emotionally neglected as a child and dh's father didn't give a shit about his kids when he was growing up, doing the bare minimum. Suddenly they are grandparents incomes the unsolicited advice. Things like DH's father asking why we haven't signed our 1 year old up for local schools yet.

Story of my fucking life!!

When my dc’s we’re little my DF used to recall awful things he’d done to me and ask me if they’d affected me. He said ‘I feel so bad about...’ I used to feel so sorry for him and tell him not to worry.
Then I realised he just didn’t like the idea that the grown-up me might be judging him and retaliate, so headed me off by focusing on his own feelings.
My DM would ask me about decisions that they’d made which had impacted me badly (moving to the arse-end of nowhere when I was 16) and I say it had been character-building. If I ever brought anything up from the past she would never remember, or just appear not to have heard.
I’ve recently realised that they weren’t apologising, or seeking to understand me better, they just wanted to believe in their own myths.

I remember finding out that not everyone’s parents hit them, and being amazed.

I think selective memory can play a part. Sometimes you get the opposite, I had a pretty good childhood yet my DM is always talking about how she wasn't patient enough with us as toddlers.

Luxesoap
I agree with Daffodils07 and Whosorrynow if you weren't a great parent for reasons out of your control like depression and you later acknowledge it, it's different to being a rubbish parent because you couldn't be bothered and can't admit it. You should like you have self awareness, humility, and a willingness to acknowledge your faults and work to make amends. The world would be a better place if there was more people like that because we all have faults and make mistakes.

My parents emotionally neglected me growing up and I now have debilitating mental problems like extreme social anxiety because of it. My dad's hobbies and TV watching were far more important than me and I definitely felt that growing up, he couldn't be arsed frankly. I never remember my dad taking me to the park even once. He will also never admit his parenting wasn't that great, in fact he probably thinks he was a great parent.

sophiestew that's awful.

Herocomplex that sounds very manipulative of them

SnuggyBuggy my dad has a selective memory that remembers every minor thing you did but nothing that he has ever done wrong

@luxesoap that makes so much sense.

My mum is an enormously better grandmother than she was a mother. Looking back I realise she was very badly depressed, horribly treated by my dad, and had no idea how to get out. She was awful - as in, physically and emotionally abusive awful - but she is much, much better as a grandmother. She's aware of some of this.

My dad, unsurprisingly, is more like what the OP describes, and full of advice about how dealing with three children under 6 is easy, and how my mum was fine - not that he has any idea!

But with my mum, I really can see why she wants to be a good grannie. Now I have my own baby, I remember the things she did with us that were excellent, too - even though there was so much else.

Yep. My parents made so many bad decisions and I actually nearly died on 2 occasions due to sheer negligence and they are full of unsolicited and outdated parenting advice.

Some parents may have been truely neglectful. Some wod have done things that was just considered the norm for the time. How will you feel if when your dcs grow up parenting has changed (which it will) and they consider your parenting crap?