AIBU to want my tubes tied? People think I'm being ridiculous!

[KnittingForMittens]

Answering a Q just moment ago about my fear which is getting pregnant made me realise I really do not want anymore children. I did ask the GP a while ago if I can get my tubes tied but he said I am far too young to get them done (mid 20s), which is fair enough... but I honestly do not want anymore. I look at pregnant woman and babies and I do not have one inch of broodiness in me. Everyone is shocked when they say I bet that makes you want another and I just say "absolutely not! Makes me glad that I am not the one actually pregnant and about to give birth" lol. They all said I'm being bloody stupid

I have decided now I want to start a new career and get some qualifications as well as looking after DS who is 3 and I'm so thankful he is the most well behaved boy. I asked my DH if he could maybe get the snip instead but he is absolutely adamant that he doesn't want to and that we will definitely have another child. I said I've told you I'm not having anymore!

He looked shocked and felt a bit let down when I said I will have to arrange to get my tubes tied. I do feel guilty for letting him down but we did speak before about this that one child will be enough to cope with as he already has 2 from a previous marriage. I am an adult who can make her own choices but GP thinks otherwise! and also, we can't afford another one! We are in major financial difficulties as it is and having another child just for the sake of "wanting" one will just completely mess it all up.

Have you tried a coil instead? A bit easier than getting tubes tied.

There's a possibility you will regret it, so I think Yabu to yourself and your Dh. I felt not one ounce of broodiness (and also feared and hated the idea of being pregnant and being a mum) until I was 29 and I'm so glad I didn't do something as drastic as that when I was in my twenties.

YANBU. Having a child is also a permanent decision yet nobody tells you “you’ll change your mind”.

I've had the coil and it was horrible. Have me the worse periods and I constantly had interstitial cystitis. No idea if there was a relation but I stopped having IC as soon as it was removed.

If you really really don’t want to get pregnant then you should probably use the most effective form of contraception, and female sterilisation isn’t it.

I wouldn’t do it even if they’d allow it and not because of the risk of regret. There’s a massive community online of women who state they have debilitating issues are this procedure and medical science isn’t exactly falling over themselves to figure it out - a bit like mesh really, have a look at post tubal ligation syndrome.

You were wrong to ask DH to have the snip because you don't want any more children.

You're not unreasonable to make an informed decision about your own fertility choices.

Before making a decision I do think you need to have a proper conversation with your DH about children, finances and explore what that may mean for your relationship as it could be a deal breaker for either of you. Beyond that make whatever informed decision is right for you.

YANBU, I wish they’d let me do this last year when I asked. I’m now pregnant again (was on contraception) and resentful of how much it will change life.

I’m going to fight harder next time or go private. And DH is getting a vasectomy too.

Your GP doesn’t have to carry or birth your child, raise it, put their career on hold, pay for food, clothing, schooling, university and bear the strain on you and our marriage.

Totally your choice. I did it, I knew I didn't want anymore and I haven't wavered or regretted it. Best decision I made.

If you really really don’t want to get pregnant then you should probably use the most effective form of contraception, and female sterilisation isn’t it.

Sounds like you mean abstaining from a sexual relationship...which is a pretty ridiculous suggestion.

No, the decision to abstain from
PIV sex is a terribly ineffective method of contraception. I mean the implant, unless that causes you significant adverse side effects which the OP hasn’t mentioned.

I would have a conversation with husband to ensure you both know where the choice will take your relationship... that being said It’s your body your choice, just make sure it’s going to have no adverse health effects on you and look to go private if your happy to go ahead.

In the mean time have you tried the implant? I know it’s not for everyone but I swear by it! It’s not a failed
Me and I don’t have adverse effects ( bar feeling a little hormonal for the first couple of weeks the first time I had it in )
Pills upset my stomach.

I hated pregnancy and kids are a huge huge responsibility so I get where your coming from d

Even though I knew I was done at 2 DC, I would never have done anything as permanent as sterilisation, while still of child bearing age.

Whilst you can never replace a child, I had at the back of my mind that if anything happened to them, I might feel differently.

Doctors have seen women change their minds after being sterilised and they are advising you accordingly.

Have you tried the implant? If not I would give that a go and also insist on condoms. Chances of conceiving then are tiny. I also knew after one that I was done and thankfully DH had a vasectomy (at the grand old age of 25) and I have a copper coil. We aren't in a financial position to have another either and I didn't want broodiness to override being sensible!