Why do people feel the need to be so rude?

[username678889]

Mainly to retail / customer facing .
My dd is at uni but has a weekend job at Macdonalds . She quite often comes home to say rude staff she usually works on the drive through.
It's usually no big deal comments and she laughs them off such as sarky comments about it's supposed to be fast food if they have had to wait 30 seconds for food .
Last week some woman scowled at her my dd said was perfectly pleasant and gave her change the woman said a bit of personality wouldn't go amiss and drove off .
This morning she came home from night shift in tears to say she wants to quit wouldn't say what happened just had enough of customers shouting for various reasons waiting / ran out of McFlurrys/ stop serving breakfast crap reasons like that .
What is wrong with people that they think they buy a bloody Big Mac meal and can shout at a young girl ffs .

I think there are a hell of a lot of insecure people in England who are angry about their lives, and find a way of making themselves feel better by lording it over another human being when they have the chance (note the fact that this human being can’t really fight back as pleasing the customer takes precedence at all times).

The types who will only lease cars from the three big German brands, brag loudly about money but have no wealth, argue about their “right” to do something (when it’s more a privilege that may or may not be offered by the retailer or proprietor), and go from 0-60 when diplomacy would get them there faster. Ugh.

She actually wrote in to complain!

Well, you were rude and clearly making a dig at her in front of her child and a cabin full of passengers. It was a shitty thing to do.

Why do you think being a passive aggressive dick to people ceases to be rude or unpleasant if you plaster a fake smile on your face? It's no better than the actions of the people being complained about.

Sadly, some people are rude, ignorant dickheads - and they exist in every walk of life and aren't restricted to retail customers.

If it were me, I'd simply make every example of rudeness enhance my own politeness/helpfulness - countering dickheaded behaviour by being calm and nice always leaves me feeling superior - especially if I can do it in a vaguely sarcastic manner that goes straight over the head of whatever dick is exhibting their dickheadedness at the time.

It's never personal because they don't know your daughter. Dealing with idiots will give her a great piece of life experience and, hopefully, boost her assertiveness, too. Once she's smilingly shrugged off a few of the twats, she'll feel much better.

That said, there's also much to be gained from having a plan not to spend too much time in a role that leaves her feeling drained, upset or downright unhappy. I change roles all the time - I've worked as a freelancer, temp and contractor for years and the peace of mind I get from knowing there's an end date to every project is what keeps me motivated when faced with dickheads in a professional capacity!

I think people are just ruder in general now. I’m really struggling with self-esteem at the moment and actually feel afraid to leave the house because I’ve encountered some nasty behaviour from strangers recently (a man on a bike trying to grab my crotch, gang of teenage boys screaming sexual stuff at me).

This has been made worse this week by two people in customer facing roles. One a young student like your daughter. I went into a shop to buy coffee, she was quite far back in the galley area and I very politely said, “please may I have a drinks holder too?” as I was buying a few drinks. She said cheekily, “I’ve put them in one, can’t you see?!” and I apologised and explained that I actually couldn’t as I was struggling with an eye infection that was affecting my vision. She looked at me like I was a piece of dirt and said “well I DO hope you aren’t CONTAGIOUS” in a way that embarrassed me in front of the queue of people and I explained it was due to rainwater getting under my contact lense and not possible to pass on to the public and she smirked and cut me off saying “FUNNY” then rolled her eyes at me.

Later in the week I was taking a test at a test centre and had to take my passport as ID. The woman snatched it off me and started flicking through it saying “Haven’t you been to many countries?” but in a horrible judgemental tone. I just smiled and filled out the form I needed to then she started on again criticising the stamps in my passport and asking me about them. She then said for me to sign my name on a list on a clipboard and I did and she accused me of not being me because I’d written my full name on my driving license (ie Mary Elizabeth Jones) but only written Mary Jones in front of her. She was threatening and said “your signatures are VERY different”. I explained my driving license was almost 10 years old and that I would happily sign again with my middle name. She then pulled me aside and searched me, getting me to lift my top, turn out my pockets, lift up my sleeves, then take off my glasses which she examined for about 7 minutes, reading the writing inside the frame (Ted Baker TM 2018 ). She didn’t do this to anyone else who was taking the test. I felt victimised by her and can’t understand why I was treated so differently. There was the threat that she could say I wasn’t me and that therefore my test results weren’t valid.

On both occasions I was exceptionally polite.

So, it works both ways. There are horrible people working in customer facing roles just as much as there are horrible customers.

I think people are generally ruder and more impatient than they used to be. Especially to the elderly and infirm.

I think people forget that there is a person inside the uniform, I was called a stupid bitch, had a box thrown at my head and comments about my appearance. A lot of managers seem to have the attitude of 'part of the job' which doesn't help. I can see in shops now when the till freezes or something they often seem worried like they're going to get a barrage of abuse, thankfully not everyone is horrible. I bet on a shift the majority are polite, but unfortunately, it's the bad ones we remember isn't it.

In my very humble opinion the nonsense that is "The customer is always right" is entirely to blame for the now epidemic proportions of rudeness directed at retail/leisure/public facing workers.
I'm not sure there is an answer but it's thoroughly unacceptable.

Totally get it. But on the flip side, there's invaluable experience there with human life in all its filth and glory.

I was in a McDonalds in London after a concert and it was like a Shakespearean performance. Highlight was the South London rude girl in front of us shouting LEGEND at the serving guy. You didn't order a legend he said. NAH, YOU'RE A LEGEND she shouted. The staff were all brilliant and it felt like a fun atmosphere.

My young days working in Safeways in Glasgow were similarly mixed. Lots of really interesting people to talk to but also a lot of older people who think 'shop girls' are beneath them because they're married ladies. Joke's on them cos I'm off out to party later and you're a clapped out git I always used to think.

I agree with you OP. I knew people were rude to retail/food service staff but I did t know just how rude until my daughter got a job in an ice cream parlour. She's 16. A grown man called her a cunt last night because she didn't put whipped cream on his sundae. Incidentally, if you want whipped cream you have to ask, it isn't standard, so she hadn't even made a mistake.

Joke's on them cos I'm off out to party later and you're a clapped out git I always used to think.

You do know that unless you die young, one day you WILL be a clapped out git. But I understand the sentiment.

My approach was to smile like I had a hanger in my mouth, inside my head though I’d be saying “fuck off you tucking cuntface, I hope your central heating breaks down at 10:30pm Christmas Eve and you get toothache.”

Your poor Daughter, it's easier to brush off as you get older, but her age group you are still very vulnerable and expect everyone to be like yourself and those you mix with.
I worked in nhs clinics, face to face and there were some really nasty clients we had. They would do it, because they knew they wouldn't have the guts to be so rude out in public.
In the end, I used to refuse to treat those who were rude to me (this wasnt life threatening stuff) these fools felt so entitled and were shocked when I would tell them to leave and return when they had better manners.
But that was only a few, the majority were lovely and you would do all you could for them.

I used to work at Sainsbury's when I was a teenager. There is nothing, I repeat nothing, that phases me now when dealing with adults who try to belittle and threaten me, all due to my experiences in that supermarket.

My eldest ds works at McDonalds, also on Drive-thru, and the stories he tells me are hideous. Luckily, he's developed the knack of a patronising smile so customer abuse is water off a duck's back to him.

I don’t think people are any worse now. They’ve always been dreadful. Ive worked in a public-facing role since age 16, starting off in supermarkets. The posher the area the more obnoxious the customer. It’s definitely character building and water off a duck’s back now (I enjoy being rude back)

cottonwoolsnowmen - wow! How rude was your reply! I’m still glad I said that to the silly woman. My manager just laughed at the complaint letter and shredded it.

And my reply wasn’t in the least bit rude, it was all true and I did deal with some delightful passengers. Just not many of them,

Worked most of my life in retail

Worse than the rude customers are the ones who pity you

I work in retail cos I like talking to people

Knowing that everyone else thinks it's a shit job is the worst thing about it

People really are dicks, that’s what I’m always telling myself and DH.

Two teenage girls in Lidl were sniggering at my “huge arse” recently. I’m a size 12. Not that that is a justification for rudeness.

In Waitrose recently, I stopped to let an older woman pass me as he almost walked into my trolley. She turned round and gave me such a nasty look with pursed lips. Later, she was at the check out next to me and was pointing at the things I was buying and whispering to her husband. NO IDEA what that was about! 🤷🏻‍♀️

My grandmamma was an SRN in the 1950s. She’s quite elderly now but likes to talk about her nursing career. She cannot recall any incidents of patients or their families being aggressive or rude to her intentionally. There was no need for hospital security guards.

I was travelling to work on the Tube in London. I had a baby on board badge on and I felt dreadful. I politely asked for a seat and was ignored. Fainted - nobody helped me. Somehow found my way off the train and sat on a bench with my head on my knees. No help offered and when I finally asked a member of TFL staff for help he looked at me like I had two heads.

I avoid people really. Reading some posts on AIBU reminds why!

i work in retail because I am also an author and it gives me plenty of 'downtime' to write (I work a late shift).

When anyone is patronising or rude to me (you can almost hear the breath holding from everyone in the shop who knows I'm very well qualified), I wait until they've gone, and then say to whoever is on the shop floor with me, "well, thats* going in a book.'

I've had the odd cheer for that statement from my regulars.

Oh bless her it’s not nice, I work in a restaurant and a woman threw a panini (plate and all) at me a few weeks ago. It’s not personal, people just look down on retail workers sadly

When my DD was still a trainee barista at Costa and having to be supervised while using the machinery a customer complained that staff should not be trained on the job. Instead, they should be sent away to training centres to do a training boot camp before working in any of the outlets. That would mean that customers dick heads like her would not be so inconvenienced because they wouldn't have to wait an additional 30 seconds for their absolutely vital cup of coffee.

Someone mentioned the tills freezing and going slow. Yes, DD says that is a thing too. The till freezes, slows down, occasionally crashes and needs a reboot. Some customers huff and puff and act as though the person serving them has done it on purpose. They don't even consider that the till is a machine. It is a type of computer terminal that can go wrong occasionally just like any other.

My other DD was also at work this morning in one of the local shops (a mini convenience supermarket) stacking the shelves. A customer had a rant at her because there was no unsliced bread left, it had sold out earlier this morning.

Basketofkittens, I thought your reply was perfect. Not rude, just what was required.

Cottonwoolsnowmen might be the passenger you had encountered.

It is shit. I worked in retail and care assistant community jobs. There is a huge difference in how people treat me now in my professional job. Some people are just arseholes and it makes them feel better to talk down to people. I do think it's good experience for your daughter though. It has taught me a lot about people and how to deal with difficult people.

BasketofKittens
Also have to jump to your defence and agree with your response! I would have said the exact same. Why should you have to stand by and smile whilst someone berates and looks down upon your job.

"A woman once came out of a changing room with her toddler and handed my colleague an Oasis bottle of warm pee to dispose of. She was genuinely furious when none of us would touch it. There was a bin and public toilet opposite the shop!!!!"

Back when I worked in a Big Pet Shop, I was on the till and a woman came up looking for a poo bag. A man in the (long) queue gave her one a few minutes later, just as I was in the middle of serving someone, she calmly dropped the now full bag onto the counter and walk off! All I could do was ask the customers to wait a moment as I took it to the bin outside the shop door. Dirty bitch.

I remember when I worked in a pizza takeaway. A lady came back with a pizza as it had pepperoni on it that she didn't order. She opened the box and threw it at my colleague. We all watched it back on the CCTV. This customer was a nurse. My colleague was in shock and crying. It was awful.

"
Well, you were rude and clearly making a dig at her in front of her child and a cabin full of passengers. It was a shitty thing to do.

Why do you think being a passive aggressive dick to people ceases to be rude or unpleasant if you plaster a fake smile on your face? It's no better than the actions of the people being complained about"

Sounds like you're just the kind of person this thread is about.