AIBU or is DH about VR/ gaming and where to do it?

[AveAtqueVale]

Basically DH is a gamer and has a VR set-up. It involves sensor boxes mounted on the walls, and when he's actually playing it takes up the whole room as he walks/ flails about. It plugs into his PC so that needs to be in the room he does VR in.

At the moment we're in a small flat with one reception room, and him playing entails shunting furniture out of the way. He only plays if the kids are in bed so that's not an issue, but it's impossible for me to sit and watch TV or anything. I don't mind as it's not often tbh, and he loves it and doesn't have any other options in terms of where to set it up.

However, we are about to move to a new house with a big L-shaped open plan kitchen/dining/ living room, and a separate (large) playroom. The actual living area is a bit smaller than our current multi-purpose living/ dining/ play/ life room and I was really looking forward to making it a bit more of a grown-up space, nicely decorated. I have suggested DH should put his PC in the playroom (in some kind of secure desk/ cupboard unit, obviously, not just open to being destroyed by the toddler) and set his light boxes up on the walls in there. When the kids are in bed the floor will be clear and it really is a large space - better than he has now. Then when he wants to he can game to his heart's content and I can actually sit and enjoy my living room! Additionally, the open plan room doesn't actually have many available walls, and his desk and PC etc is frankly a massive eyesore with its wire spaghetti, and I would really like finally to have a nice room!!

He is very against this though, and insists there's plenty of space and his whole setup should be in the main living area. There probably is space, but not to have it in there and looking nice. And not then to play without moving the dining table and a coffee table and goodness knows what else. I think he doesn't want to be 'relegated' to the play room, but I think he's being bloody selfish. I told him so and now he's annoyed with me. (Disclaimer: I am feeling grim so not in the best frame of mind. Also, he isn't generally selfish - he's currently up with the kids after working until 2am to let me have a lie down. He just has a blind spot where his wretched PC is concerned.) But AIBU?

If it’s not that often I would also be annoyed that ugly equipment is taking up the living area. Also, where are you supposed to relax when he’s taken up the entire living/dining area when he’s playing?

YANBU.

I think if you look at it as vr is something he does alone, but the sitting room / dining room is for everyone

YANBU. Your solution makes perfect sense.

this dh needs to grow up and consider the fact he's not the only one in the household.

Even before you said it, my immediate thought was for him to set it up in the playroom. YANBU.

Just flip it to him and say that you and any guests you have don't want to be relegated to the play room when he decides to play.

I'm a gamer and I understand why he would want it in the main room, however he needs to compromise. He doesn't use it that often and that's probably not going to change in the new house. He's just gotta suck it up and have it in the spare room.

Do you think he wants it downstairs so he can still spend time with you? I know my partner is that way out & so he has a beanbag in the 'game' room to sit on while I play if he wants

TLDR: YANBU, he should compromise

I cant understand why, if there is a playroom that isnt being used in the evening he wouldn't wnat to use it.

He's being massively selfish to use up communal spaces if there is an alteranative

Purplerain16 yes I think he doesn't want to feel separate. He does normal gaming as well as VR and quite often I'll sit and read or something while he games and it's nice to be in the same room. The playroom is downstairs though and genuinely huge - we could easily put a comfy chair in there or even a sofa without impinging too much on his gaming area, and still do that sometimes!

He's playing VR.

Maybe point out that once he's immersed in the VR he won't have a clue if he's in the living room or the playroom as he'll be on Planet Zarg or whatever. But everyone else who is not wearing a VR headgear WILL be very aware of where he is, and that happens to be standing waving his battlesword in front of the TV you're trying to watch!

It needs to go in the playroom. You can’t have in the living/dining area The trouble with gaming is the shouting and flailing makes the space completely unusable for anyone else whereas other activities that take place in the living area don’t make it completely useable for the rest of of the house hold e.g reading a magazine, watching tv, etc

I game, I also have a VR set up but don’t use it that often. Of course he should use the other room as it totally infringes on your leisure time if he is in the same room as he is jumping about it’s not like a regular console at all. I do game in the same room as DH, we have a big TV in each alcove, he watches sport with his noise cancelling headphones while I game. It means we are together sort of and can interact while we both enjoy our favourite indoor hobby. So I do get why he may want to be with you but with VR he is just going to be in the way.

Does he really only VR game? Most people I know that have this set up don’t use it all the time. What’s he playing ?

My DH is a gamer. Personally, I’d chat with him and see why he prefers the main living area. If it’s technical to do with sensors...like the playroom could be too big for sensors to register his movements accurately. Then fair enough, I can always watch TV on my iPad curled up in bed.
If it’s not technical but say a worry that he won’t be able to share the playroom with the kid(s)- say there’s a Lego creation or entire sylvanian village that cannot be dismantled which lurks inconveniently in the center of the play room for weeks. Well maybe that can be addressed by getting a large play table so big creation can be moved out of the way.
You won’t come to an agreement without getting to the root of why he prefers the living area.

YADNBU. Nobody wants a PC in their living room if it can be avoided, especially for the sake of a game that won't even be used that often.

Cross post, I see he does do regular gaming.

Hmm if playroom is big enough for sofa etc...you could make a reading nook for yourself if DH really needs living area due to technical VR issues.
I have an upstairs sitting room for myself for same reason. Both my DH and younger DD are avid gamers.

I can deal with DH being a gamer because we can still chat and play some games together but VR? No thanks. You may as well be sitting alone.

Yeah I'd ask him properly why he wants it in sitting room. Tell him you really want to come up with a conclusion you're both happy with. Normal gaming in the sitting room fine but definitely not VR! My dh is a gamer too and big VR fan. I wanted a play room but he refused and set up a gaming/movie room. I was annoyed but it's better than what you're dealing with in the sitting room.

On the PC issue we just made jump to a laptop. Way more discrete. No more spaghetti wire mess. Our living room looks perfectly normal.

He switched from a laptop back to a pc not that long ago as he seems to think it's better. Has more... something... for better graphics etc. I think a laptop of the same spec as his current PC would be prohibitively expensive even if he sold the PC. I do miss the laptop though.

Maybe ditch the playroom and turn it into a VR room? My experience is that children prefer to play around parents until they get old enough to be sensible, and at that stage you could start suggesting that they are allowed to play in DH's VR room when he's not using it?