Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child's bedroom

16 replies

kiffe · 02/08/2019 21:25

Is it unreasonable for a child to go to their dads house and go into a step siblings bedroom and get out all their toys and make a mess?

The child is 5. The step child is older, they have asd.

The step child wasn't home at the time. The step child is quite particular about their toys. But the step child is not home for the weekend.

Should the child respect the privacy for the step child's bedroom? The child is too young to understand asd

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 02/08/2019 21:38

Given the nature of asd in some people, yes, the people supervising the young child were unreasonable to let them go in their step siblings room and mess their things up. A high bolt on the outside of the door will prevent this in the future.

My (being assessed for asd) son is very particular about certain things and will absolutely meltdown if his siblings rearrange them. Even accidentally.

hammeringinmyhead · 02/08/2019 21:41

It's not the 5 year old's fault but I think the adults in the house should be keeping the older child's things off-limits if they are out.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 02/08/2019 21:42

I think 5 is old enough to understand that other people's bedrooms are private. The ASD thing is sort of moot because even without it, a bedroom should be a personal space for a child that belongs to them, not a communal area the other DC in the family get to wander in and out of.

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2019 21:42

Better arrangements and supervision are needed. Children deserve these things to be treated with respect and to have their own space.

What’s the actual story?

I’m guessing your son is older with ASD, the 5yo is your partner’s who stays with you.

GibbonLover · 02/08/2019 21:47

The child is too young to understand asd

Yes, five year olds will be five year olds. That's why parents have to be parents.

But this is all very vague. Who is who in this situation? My guess is that you are the five year old's mother and his dad lives with a woman who has an older child.

One thing is certain though - the older child should not be told 'Aww, but he/she's only five. They don't know what they're doing'. The older child should be reassured that this won't happen again.

FairyJuice · 02/08/2019 21:49

I agree with pps who think that better supervision is needed. It could be that the 5yo is used to sharing toys amongst other siblings or friends and just assumed that the asd child's toys were fair game.

I certainly wouldn't expect him to understand the complexities of the step siblings need to have things perfect.

Maybe have a word about boundaries and respecting privacy, but ultimately, supervise better.

OooErMissus · 02/08/2019 21:57

The child is 5. The step child is older, they have asd.

The step child wasn't home at the time. The step child is quite particular about their toys. But the step child is not home for the weekend.

I think you're confusing your wording here.

The child is 5. The step child is older.

But you then go on to say 'the step child wasn't home, and the step child is quite particular about their toys.

I'm confused.

This seems like a grievance at your partner's child, who has ASD.

How old is the step(?) child(?) who has ASD?

Which one lives in, and which one 'visits'?

Obviously, if they do have ASD, and they're only a child, then they probably will need more than the usual supervision around another child's (exciting) toys.

OooErMissus · 02/08/2019 22:01

Ok, I think I've got it.

A 5 YO is going to want to go into a room full of toys, and play with them. That's perfectly normal / understandable.

Either put a lock on the bedroom door - or supervise the 5 YO, and help them to tidy it all up when they're done (the latter being the most obvious solution).

Original poster
kiffe · 02/08/2019 22:18

Im actually not the mother of either dc - I do have an asd child through.

A friend text me to say her step son was staying and how he always goes into the asd child's room and helps himself to his toys.

The asd child has a lot of Lego he's built and the step sibling will also try pull that apart.

My friend was upset with her dh for allowing it.

I just wondered what others thought....

Personally I don't think the child should be able to go into the bedroom (step sibling/full sibling) and just take everything out of the toy boxes. However I do think my friend is over reacting slightly as she said she was hysterical.

OP posts:
CanaryFish · 02/08/2019 22:26

Your friend has a DH problem

Original poster
kiffe · 02/08/2019 22:29

@CanaryFish agreed

OP posts:
SallyLovesCheese · 02/08/2019 23:22

I've taught reception and year 1 and 5 years old is not too young to be told that people's bedrooms are off-limits.

Your friend's DH is the issue here for letting this happen. No- one would like someone messing with their stuff when they weren't there, ASD or no.

Sceptre86 · 03/08/2019 07:47

My dd goes into his sisters bedroom and plays with her toys as she does his and it really isn't a big deal. If they lived in the same house at this age it would be a regular occurrence and encourages sharing. As one child has asd and is particular about his toys then his parent should be putting a stop to this to minimise distress. If step son played with the toys part from ready made Lego and they were put back before your friends son got home would that be so bad?sounds like she just doesn't want step son to play with her sons toys which is actually quite mean.

Instead why doesn't step sons dad buy him some toys and a toy box so that he can play with his own things when he comes over? However, would your friend stop her child from playing with step sons things when he is not there during the week? Same rules should apply to both kids!

TwistyTop · 03/08/2019 07:50

I don't think the child should be going in there. But the 5yo is blameless in all of this. Better supervision is needed.

Icecreamsoda99 · 03/08/2019 09:12

5 year olds should understand about privacy and ownership by that age but I think the temptation is very great to play with the toys. But also dad should be providing the 5 year old with his/her own toys to play with at his house, sounds like the 5 year old is bored.

HattieHu · 03/08/2019 09:34

Did the 5 year old have toys if their own at this house?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.