To have just had enough.

[Harleyisme]

Why is it perfectly acceptable for a child to suffer at school simply because the child only tells of there school struggle and hate in the home enviroment. Not just to parents either. Apparently comments like driving past another school asking to try that school as they hate the school they are at and also the best thing about school is holidays and best thing about school day is going home time. We are dealing with a child with asd who is trying his best to explain himself. The fact that at times other parents (in front of teachers) have helped me get him off the school gates into school and that i spend nearly every morning infront of the teacher persudaing him to go into class and stay there and that at times the teachers stopped him running out after me.
Also the day he came out of school with silent tears that turned to screaming one we left the school gate. Apparently he says only babies cry and he shouldn't cry as hes not a baby. He did tell me his teacher told him but then changed it after i had a word with his teacher. He refuses to tell them how he feels as he believes its naughty and that he should always be happy regardless.
They say that he is happy at school as they can't see it and that when he comes home he just telling me how he feels and his interpretation of it and that actually hes haply after all. How the hell do they know that! Are they in his head.
When hes telling me about these things i tell him how brillliant hes doing and about his friends and how well hes doing at school but apprently i need to handle it differently how i ask i get nothing back apart from them saying differently to you are now. Ask again how get nothing.
Apparently everyone feels that he would be the same in all mainstream enviroments i don't disagree i never planned on changing him to another mainstream enviroment i have always and still do think that a specialist enviroment would be better as a mainstream is too much.
I have already watched a child with asd be dragged though mainstream struggle but also struggling to tell school and appear happy he at 15 is broken and hasn't attended school for a year due to it.
Why is children's mental health so insignificant? People often wonder why children with autism have so much anxiety when in reality its right in front of us because if they arent able to express at school no one gives a shit.

Sorry all rant over.

I fear and feel for my children.

So sorry you are having to go through this, and of course sorrier for your child.

One of my sons with autism went through similar at a mainsteam senior school - he had been fine in a small village primary but he could not cope with a mainstream senior. When it was clear things were not going to get better, in fact every day was worse, I refused to take him to school anymore and then fought tooth and nail to get him into a specialist school that met his needs. I taught him at home in the meantime. The education authority did not agree that the specialist school was right (because it was more expensive), but I took them to court and won. My son then had a wonderful, wonderful four and a half happy and productive years there in an environment that totally met his needs in every way. Every member of staff there understood every child's individual needs and it was the best decision I have ever made. It was heaven for him. If my experience can help you in any way please feel free to contact me...and good luck.

Thank you.

I will end up doing that i think he shouldn't have to suffer.

I'm so sorry that both you and your son are going through this I'm guessing the SENCo has not been overly helpful?

From your post, I am assuming your son is in primary? I work in a mainstream secondary with a unit for pupils with ASD - this means that they can access mainstream lessons (with specialist TA support) and also access the unit for certain parts of the day/lessons as appropriate. For example, some go there for break and lunch as they don't like the crowds (it's a bit school), some have lessons in there - either curriculum or life skills etc. Is there anything like this in your area? Apologies if you have already looked.

Do you and your son think another school may be worth a try? Perhaps a smaller one?

It's so hard - I wish that all schools had units like ours to support pupils like your son - I hope you manage to find somewhere to better support him.

Do you have an ehc in place?

I also wouldn’t rule out moving to another more nurturing school. Schools vary massively and a move would show him that you are listening and trying to help.

I know very few mainstream schools could (would) do what ds school do, and did before we had an ehc.

And (sorry for multiple posts) the SN boards on here are fresh for advice and there is a chat thread (goose and carrot) where you can dip in and out for support or just to chat to people who get it

@pumpkinpie2016 yes hes in primary hes 5 years old and only do reception class goes into year one in september.
I have visted all local schools most aren't keen to have him.

@Sirzy we have no ehcp have tried once tribunal judge said there was alot of evidence to prove he has needs but not enough evidence to prove of he would need support yet. I will apply again soon.
I wish there was more nurturing schools in the area but this is supposed to be the best mainstream for sen.

With ds reception was a really tough year, he struggled with the lack of structure. Year 1 and year 2 where good. Year 3 was a nightmare for the whole with a lot of school refusal but we got there with a great teacher

I haven't got much advice as I'm going through the exact same thing with my little girl. She is the same age (going into year 1 in September) and is currently going through assessment for asd.
However when I mention to school the problems we get at home (hides under table when it's time to go to school, says she hates going to school) all they reply with is "she's fine here" but they don't see that she's just holding it together at school and letting go at home. She also won't talk to staff about any problems.
The senco won't do much until she's had a diagnosis but has said it's a coke bottle affect, storing it up until the lid is taken off (going home).
It's awful to go through and see your child like that and not have school understand.

Have any of you tried recording - just simply on your phone - what they are like when they got home. without the child knowing - just put your phone on a lanyard or something.

My DD's yr3 teacher thought she was the sweetest child who just was a bit thick essentially - until I showed her a short recording of a tantrum that happened as she walked through the door at home. I'm not going to say it has made a whole lot of difference going forward in terms of support - but it does mean that they now believe me when I tell them what she is like!

My son just got his diagnosis so hoping it does help.

I have recorded hes even told people when hes come to the house hes told then he doesn't like school but apparently it doesn't matter as he won't say it in the school environment.
He even told my mum his nan he would rather be dead than go to school.