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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect dc to go in the sodding pool

63 replies

Poolrefusers · 02/08/2019 14:13

At eurocamp place in Europe and leaving tomorrow for a few days in a city. Had a few days out and dc have done ok with limited access to screens, which ds2 in particular is a nightmare for.

Neither were keen on going in the pool but I nagged and cajoled and they enjoyed it this morning. Now ds2 has a miniscule cut on his foot and won't go back in and ds1 was the least keen of the two anyway, so that's it.

What a fucking waste. I know they'd love to sit in the chalet on screens, I'm full of a sodding cold and, as a single parent, I just want them to get on and use the facilities I've paid for so I can relax, but no.

I'm surrounded by kids all having fun and mine are hunched up under towels with faces like thunder. What a waste.

OP posts:

ppeatfruit · 02/08/2019 15:13

The op's would be at the bottom of the pool too would it? justasking I get fed up with adults thinking that children have no feelings and need bossing about all the time.

DISCUSSION is important for children and adults.

Aragog · 02/08/2019 15:16

Not everyone likes going in pools. I know I don't. I have no interest in going in. Even more so if they are busy and full of others splashing around.

What other facilities are there around the resort? Or would they prefer to go for a walk or something instead? You don't have to give in to screens all day every day, though Id have no issues with some time on them - its their holiday too after all and if thats what they like to do ...I have to admit that I quite enjoy the odd day sitting by a pool on a lounger alternating between a book and a browse on my phone, ideally without anyone telling me what I should be doing!

FishCanFly · 02/08/2019 15:27

How old are they? My 15yo doesn't like family holidays anymore, so i'd rather have him playing with his phone and quiet rather than sulking and moaning how everything sucks.

fedup21 · 02/08/2019 15:31

God, poor kids. If they don’t like going in the pool, I wouldn’t have booked that sort of holiday!

I’d let them go back to the chalet and play on their screens for a bit!

I would hate it if someone took me on holiday, took my phone off me and told me I had to do what they wanted me to do because they’d paid for it. Actually, that sounds exactly the sort of thing my MIL would try to guilt trip us into and is the reason why we don’t ever go on holiday with her any more!

Do you want them to enjoy their holiday?

NoSauce · 02/08/2019 15:42

Why can’t you relax while they’re under their towels? Just let them be, read your book or listen to music with headphones on or whatever. Try and relax you sound stressed out!

fedup21 · 02/08/2019 15:42

Why is it the screen time ban doesn’t apply to you, OP as you’re allowed to Mumsnet-is that fair?

Bloodybridget · 02/08/2019 15:50

I guess the point is that if all the DC want to do is be glued to their phones, OP might as well have saved her money and stayed home. Which she may decide to do in future.

AngelasAshes · 02/08/2019 15:54

If they’ve been busy for a few days doing activities, what’s wrong with a lazy day playing video games? Holidays can be exhausting if frogmarched from one enforced fun activity to another.

I like just sitting by pool and reading a nice book. Maybe getting a dip. That’s my lazy day.

Should I be forced to pack every day on holiday with a different UNESCO site or museum to broaden my mind?

Holidays should include downtime for whatever relaxes a person...even if it is video games.

Lovemenorca · 02/08/2019 15:55

Ok
Fellow single parent here

How old?

I’ve had similar with my 8/9 year old. I’ve told him to get in, and he’s said no, pleaded, Ive had other parents clearly (and rightfully!) thinking WTF.
He’s got in. Face like thunder. I’ve got in too, I’ve said let’s start doing the ball that bounces on water.

Within five mins we was diving for the ball, his sister joined in.

Meanwhile I snuck out, dries myself off, got out my book.

Job. Done.

Lovemenorca · 02/08/2019 15:55

“He was diving for the ball”

matahairyy · 02/08/2019 15:56

Agree. They grow out of pool holidays (boys anyway) But unless it’s cold not this young.
Take the fucking screens away

ohcanada · 02/08/2019 15:57

If my kids weren't enjoying something I thought they would, then I'd find an alternative activity. Kids don't HAVE to enjoy swimming. Could you not rent bikes, take them to a local activity like horse riding or surf lessons or something like that?

Just a bit lazy to expect them to be in the pool and have nothing else planned!

Janus · 02/08/2019 16:04

We are on holiday at a villa and ours have use of their screen if they want and I lounge by the pool! Then to ease my guilt every other day or so we go out and do something active like a bike ride or foot golf etc. I agree, it’s their holiday too and so I don’t waste time feeling guilty if that’s what they want to do for a few hours.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2019 16:04

It really sucks when you lay out good money and it feel like they've flushed it down the loo.

Screens weren't the issue when mine were young (they're in their 30s). It was game consoles ('big' and handheld). We have a caravan and used to go to National Parks and the beach (US), places where there is plenty to do and see for all ages. At first we refused to take the consoles but got tired of the complaining. We ended up doing a 'deal' whereby they got the consoles in the evening for a set period of time IF they did other things during the day in a good spirit. It was bribery, but it worked. We found that if they got out and doing they often either didn't use their 'allotted time' at all or ended up using less. Or at least the 'good spirit' clause kept them from complaining!

Funny, but our DS2 (30) is now dying to go back to Yellowstone because he remembers how much fun he had there sight-seeing, taking pictures, and how beautiful it is. He doesn't seem to remember the 'Battle of the Gameboy' that raged the first couple of days. He just remembers the parts he spent touring with us. We're now in the first stages of planning a trip back next summer; DH and I, DS2, and DS1 and lovely DiL.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/08/2019 16:05

I remember a family holiday to Malta when I was 12, brother 16.
Patents hired a car and took us out and about all day.
I moaned and winged and just wanted to stay in the car and read, brother was happy to be out and about.
However, I was happy to be in the pool and make new friends, whereas he stuck by parents side the whole time.
Why couldn't I have been allowed to enjoy it the way I wanted, and why was him going nowhere near the pool or making friends the "right way"

Whatafustercluck · 02/08/2019 16:18

Get in with them for a bit, play a ball game, get them doing stuff, then say you're off to read your book for a bit. If they get out, continue to relax, read your book, go on your phone or whatever. If they insist on having their devices let them crack on with it but explain that you're relaxing too.

MLMsuperfan · 02/08/2019 16:19

My memory of childhood holidays is being unhappy a LOT of the time because I wasn't allowed to have fun the way I wanted.

Actually in my case it was that my parents wanted to spend a lot of time just reading and I wanted to go places and see things!

An hour in the pool was brilliant, as was an hour with a book. However a day with no other options than those was my idea of hell.

Now I'm an adult I can quite happily veg about for a whole day.

The thing that really irks me in retrospect is this idea that there is one right way to spend time on holiday. A holiday is for having fun the way YOU want.

So my kids get to take their screens on holiday. I do encourage a mix of activities though.

NoSquirrels · 02/08/2019 16:29

Poor OP is a single parent so I totally understand the desire to chill out and not be Chief Amusement Officer and it is frustrating when kids don’t fancy what’s on offer. But I’m not hardcore enough about no screens or selfless enough to amuse them so I’d be letting them stare to their heart’s content if I git some downtime!

dreamingofsun · 02/08/2019 16:30

they dont play football..thats what ours used to do a lot of the time and make lots of friends (who werent allowed back to our caravan) . or tabletennis if they got bored. and we used to take a badminton net and put up in our pitch.

BarbedBloom · 02/08/2019 16:36

Maybe they don't like swimming? My mother used to drag me to the beach which I still hate now. So I would be grumpy and she would be annoyed as she thought I should like the beach. Within reason people should do what they enjoy on holiday, not be forced into doing what others think they should be doing. I just wanted to read and be left alone and she kept forcing me to go to awful kids clubs and tell me I was meant to be playing. It drives her mad now that I go on holiday and still read and go visiting places rather than sitting on the beach.

One of my brothers children hates pools so we don't take him except for his swimming lessons. I also don't really have an issue with screens, I have always spent my holidays reading anyway.

Let them sit by the pool if they want without going in, with or without screens

Nomoremilk · 02/08/2019 16:37

I hate pools even now at 27 and when my mum kept whining on at me to go in it I'd be so pissed off. Funny how she never got her arse in the pool but wanted me to do it so she felt like I'd "made the most of the holiday" nope I was fine relaxing and reading!

Original poster

Poolrefusers · 02/08/2019 16:39

I take on board the comments about it being their holiday too. We've done this type of holiday before and they've enjoyed it. But things do change, ds2 is 12 and seems quite self-conscious now, which is a shame.

My cold is making it a lot worse, normally I would get in and play but I'm blowing my nose constantly so it's not possible and I think ds2 would not thank me for it tbh

We've had an ok after on loungers with books, puzzles and a bit of phone time, so not too bad. I just struggle not to compare and feel a lot of guilt. Speaking of which, I can't believe someone said I'm lazy for bringing them to a pool and not having organised a constant stream of other activities for them to pick up at a moment's notice. As I've said, we have done other stuff and are off to Paris tomorrow, but I don't think I'm lazy for expecting them to amuse themselves with a pool for a day when they've done so in the past with no problems. Fuck, I'm a lot of things but I'm not bloody lazy!

OP posts:

MrsEricBana · 02/08/2019 16:46

You're not lazy at all and it's true that all a lot of kids want (inc yours in the past) is a pool.

MoobaaMoobaa · 02/08/2019 16:53

how old are they?

I agree with the pp, have a day out doing activities or sight seeing and another day just lounging either by the pool or at the chalet, if still young enough after tea go for walk to the nearest play park, or if older just go for walk in the local area.

we've just arrived at our holiday place, and even though before booking I asked what they wanted, e.g. secluded cottage near or in a village, house in a town or city. They both said quiet cottage on a beach.

guess what? two tired teens are complaining there is nothing to do. ones gone shopping with DH and the other has closed his curtains in his room and is glued to his phone. I'm no fussed by this. yWe'll eat out later, then tomorrow we'll be out all day.

fedup21 · 02/08/2019 16:55

We do pool holidays but I never restrict screen time.

Kids get up, have breakfast, might be in the pool for a couple of hours, play on their Switch for an hour, have lunch, watch a film together, go back in the pool for a few hours, shower, maybe some drawing, have dinner, more swimming, then a film or board games in the evening. It’s always self-regulated with my lot. After weeks at school following bells and timetables, I like to give them some choice about what they do. Mine would never just choose screen time 24/7 though.

I think it’s a happy balance-no different to me swapping about between swimming, reading, sunbathing, watching a film, arsing about on MN or FB for a bit.

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