Dealing with never having a third child

[AlwaysFuckingTired94]

DP had his vasectomy this morning.

It was the right decision, as for many reasons, we will never be in a position to have a third. But I'm just so sad about it. If circumstances were different I would have liked another child, or at least the option to have another child. I had my youngest at 24 and that just seems so young to be done having babies.

I know this is the right decision for our family, but I'm just so gutted. That biological urge is still there but we're choosing head over heart for the sake of our existing DC.

Please say something to make me feel better. Tell me all the good things about sticking with two kids...

I haven’t been able to have any so when you feel like that remember we are not all lucky.

I think its normal to feel sad when the option is taken away. I have 4 DC and I am so so done. (Dc4 was an on contraceptives accident) I do still feel a bit sad from time to time that I can't have any more even though logically I know that any more children would break me.

A boring one but so many things come in packs of 4 (or multiples of 4) I'm thinking of things like jacket potatoes, sausage rolls, burgers, ice lollies..... all come in packs of 4 never 5

Honestly, your username says it all. It's unlikely to improve with 3.

simkim I admit, it's not a logical urge

I'm in a similar position OP.

I've comforted myself with the thought that with my two, I really feel like I'm a big part fo their lives, know what's going on with them/can easily remeber their nursery/school bits and pieces etc.

I think I would be overwhelmed by 3, as I'm a 'close' parent, and I don't think I have it in me to be close to three children and maintain a job/home/marriage. And the thought of my other children needing me but not getting enough of me hurts.

I'm one of three, and even though I loved it, looking back I, as the eldest, was neglected a bit when the baby came along, and I think that's really affected me. I can't bear the thought of that happening to my DD

So, I'm sticking with two, even though I would love another baby.

Hey OP, I know where you’re coming from. I was so desperate for a third but my DH didn’t want another. To start with I struggled but it’s funny the feeling has really passed. My youngest is almost 3 now and I’m really looking forward to the next stage. No nappies, sleep, active holidays, seeing them both develop into wonderful people. I do sometimes still get a pang, but it’s more of a wish to go back and see mine as babies again rather than having another. If my husband changed his mind now I’d say no to a third. So yes it really does fade

I sympathize op as I would love a third but if you stick with two:

More sleep!
Less expense
Don’t need a bigger car/house
Don’t need to disrupt family dynamics
Easier to help each child financially when older
Can get back to full time work/work quicker (May not be applicable to all)
Possibly less arguments (so many with two!)
Definitely got harder to lose baby weight with baby no 2 for me so third would be a killer!

I’ve got 3 but I felt the same about Dh’s vasectomy op. Really quite sad even though logically 3 is plenty and our lives wouldn’t improve with a 4th.

Number 3 was unplanned for us. To make you feel better, personally I feel the people that say number 3 ‘slots in’ are talking rubbish. Number 3 has been a whirlwind and turned things upside down.

We had to move. Had to change cars. Currently we’re getting away with a lot of price things as he’s 2 - but I can see the future and it looks bloody expensive 🤦🏻‍♀️ as everything seems aimed at 4.

You are very lucky to have 2 children. Thousands of people can't have any. You are so so lucky.

pickmeaholiday2019 I know, I need to keep reminding myself of that.

These feelings are what you needed to consider with your DP before the vasectomy. Did he not consult you?

benji It was a joint decision. It would have been selfish and irresponsible of us to have had anymore children. It was a case of, just because we can, doesn't mean we should

It was a joint decision. It would have been selfish and irresponsible of us to have had anymore children

Belated but I saw your other thread. I have been through these feelings and understand. I expect I will always regret not having another but it was the right decision for my family.

I think it’s really admirable that you both made that decision together so young... At a much less mature 41 I would have had three by now, regardless of consequences for everyone else, if it wasn’t for DH saying he couldn’t think of anything worse! In the end I felt too bad pushing it. Deep down I know he was right. On lovely days out or at family meals I yearn for another. But in my day to day life I find parenting unbelievably overwhelming and two is my limit for all the reasons people have expressed above. Trying to just enjoy my lovely DC, and doing everything I can with them while they still want me to

I am slightly jealous that you’ll be such a young grandparent!!

@jinglebitch as one of 3 who shared until my teens - buy the house and make them share. It’s a long term investment you need to make and they will cope with sharing, really it’s fine.