Help advice needed

[Allthef3els1]

Quick facts
*me and ex broke up in January because he was sleeping with our housemate but we still share a flat.
*we live abroad but our ds 2yrs was born in the uk but lived here since 4 months
*ex is currently working in home country for two months
*I haven’t properly worked since having ds
*weve borrowed thousands from my dm to move etc which she was happy to help as she got a a large inheritance
*this year he has borrowed 700 pounds from my mum and brother (student) in April because his bank account was frozen due to letting his passport expire

Problems
*when we broke up he decided he wanted me to pay rent despite being a shm and where we live work is seasonal so the earliest I can get work is September which I’ve done.
*he told me to ask my mum to pay 300 a month to him for my up keep to my shame I did and she rightfully said no and said he can take it from the money he owes.
*when asked to at least pay my bro back he called him a a manipulative cunt and paid 100 of the 170 and made me pay the rest.
*he wants me and ds to fly out to see his family who ds hasn’t seen for over a year, he found the tickets but wanted my mum to pay because he hadn’t been paid from work yet.
*when she refused he repeatedly went on about how she should how she was keeping ds from His other nana (who also got a 15k inheritance in April last year but used the money to pay for home improvement)

AIBU

After him slagging off my mum 5 times I’ve had enough and said no I’m not taking him to the uk it’s a lot of hassle for me, traveling,packing finding someone to look after the dogs etc and will probably cost me the little money I have.

He’s now saying he will come and take him himself (he can’t without my permission) which I will not give as ds has never been away from me for more than 3 hours when awake and still bfs to sleep. He is demanding ds passport number to book tickets and a letter saying he can take him from the country.

Sorry tried to keep it short. Thanks for reading. Did post full story elsewhere but no reply

Ds has a different last name to him which would be flagged at the airport anyway. I was a bit iffy about taking ds anyway as ex decided really short notice to go and announced it over Skype before discussing it with me. Last time we went we were so broke afterwards and had to borrow money again.

Ex has sent money for ds but nothing for me so I’m living on 20 quid a week and only eating once a day. I get that he doesn’t owe me anything but ever penny I’ve made about 2k this year has gone back to the house for food, bills etc.

Is he on your child's birth certificate?

Yes he is but the law does state he needs my permission to take ds from this country.

I see, sorry I missed the part that you aren't in the UK. So what is your question - If that is the law then he can't take him, can he? If he tried you could call the police and he would be stopped at the airport. YANBU in saying he can't take him if you feel it is unsafe - but if he is paying for it and would bring your child back, what is your issue with him taking your child to visit? He sounds like a dick, sure, but children are not pay per view and the money issues should be completely separate to whether he sees his child or not. Why don't you have your own income, aside from the seasonal work, are there not benefits where you are? If not, what are you living on? There must be some normal jobs where you are. I think it is imperative that you get your financial independence back ASAP.

@MummytoCSJH the reason I wouldn’t let him take ds on his own is that ds has never been away from me for more than 3 hours when awake, the upset that ds would experience (just turned two and still bf to sleep) would be horrible taking him away for a week.

No there’s no benefits the deal was I would keep looking after ds paying what I can and we would stay in his flat otherwise I would have just left and lived with my mum which I wish I had done.

The reason I said no was because he has repeatedly slagged off my family and been generally a arse about them. I’ve been living off the little money I’ve earned and I also do all the cooking cleaning and childcare like before. The cost I bring is less than what it would cost him for childcare.

There really is no work for foreigners who don’t speak the language except for sept to July hence why ex is away for two months working.

Maybe I am being a dick and should take him? It’s just it will infuriate my mother and ruin our relationship even more that he is again not paying her back.

There are lots of problems here but they're not all related. You need to fix your own financial situation, get a job, and move if you can, so he doesn't have a hold over you. Why can't you go back to your mums now? It's good given the situation that he's been paying something towards your child but he doesn't HAVE to pay anything towards you, so I don't know why you're upset he hasn't been. Ideally go through an official route for child support. You're living in his property presumably for much less than what he could rent it out for, I don't think its weird for him to ask you to pay something towards it when you're not together anymore. You looking after DS and doing the childcare and cleaning and cooking for yourself and your child isn't a favour to him, you are a parent and an adult. Yes I read that in your OP, but I don't think that's a real reason. Your child is 2, not 2 months. Him generally being an arse shouldn't mean he doesn't get to see his own child, though I've had a dickhead ex so I know it's hard not to let it cloud your judgement. Regardless, you can't go on like this forever.

I don't think you're being a dick, I think you're struggling to separate the money and visiting issues. It's crappy of him that he hasn't paid her back, but it's not your mother's business whether he gets to see his own child.

Firstly you need to get out of a flat that you share with your ex. If that means permanently moving back to uk then so be it

He rents the property, I have found a job for September.
And yes I do clean and cook for ds and myself but also him. If I left today there’s no one who can look after the dogs for three weeks it’s too long a time.

My mum lives far away so he wouldn’t see ds that much that’s why I stayed since I knew I would have a job for September. Maybe we should go see his family (flights cost the same wether he comes and gets him or if I bring him) and then I just go live my mum I’m not coping that well and he keeps saying nasty things to me like he will take ds away etc.

@Waveysnail I think I have to leave and give up my job...just do I take ds to the uk to visit his family or not? My mum will go ballistic since he is refusing to pay any money back. After promising too.

I think you should leave, visit his family but make it clear you arent going back abroad. You would get income support in the UK or find a more stable job and you can stay with your mum. The dogs and rent of the place aren't your problem.

My mums abroad in the same country I don’t have family in the uk anymore except his which I counted. Tbh I’m worried if I go now after all this my family will not. Support me .