To ban DH from the kitchen

[Beekaye]

DH has struggled with his weight for years, he'll go on diets, loose some, then put it back on not long after. He's been going to gym a lot and exercising more which has been helping however his diet hasn't really improved much. He's been making sure we eat healthier meals but he's always snacking during the day, he's got some healthier options but they're rarely touched. Instead he goes out and buys not so healthy snacks and eats mine. It's frustrating because he gets annoyed if I suggest something we could eat for dinner that apparently isn't healthy enough, he complains when he isn't loosing weight and I talk to him about what he's eating during the day, he says he'll change that but he never does. I've resorted to hiding any treats I've bought for myself and DS but he either finds them or buys himself even more. I just thought he'd have at least some self control but instead I'm hiding food from him. Do I just let him do his own thing? I don't think there is anything I can do to help him really

@mussolini9
That's really sad that your partner wouldn't go on a diet with you if you were struggling. Mine would. I think this is normal for partners to support each other in these sorts of things. Not sure you're making it into a gender issue?

Just let him do his own thing. He’s an adult and part of losing weight and keeping it off, is changing his eating habits. He is the only person who can do that. You can help by encouraging him, not sabotaging his efforts, such as pushing him to eat unhealthy foods with a ‘one little bite can’t hurt’ type comments. However, you should be able to have treats without him eating them. He has to learn to resist temptation. I’d be annoyed if he found hidden treats and ate them though. Clearly, they’re not meant for him if you’ve had to hide them.

Hi @TwistyTop

Thanks for your kind comment - not sad at all for me as I wouldn't expect anyone else to change their eating habits around my need to diet.
It's really nice that your partner would support you like this - but actually I'm not making a gender issue: I genuinely believe that women are more supportive of men than vice versa, & are expected to provide more emotional hand-holding. I believe this to be fact - how many threads do we see where the male partner abuses the female about his perception of her weight ... i.e. the very opposite of supportive.

It's much along the lines of Ye Old Housework Argument. Women are expected to do wifework, such as the dozens of invisible hours they put in while DH indulges his hobby or sits on the bog. And that wifework extends to men expecting to be supported on a diet, while never dreaming that they would be called upon to do the same.

That's my experience - & I'm v glad yours is different! x

That's really sad that your partner wouldn't go on a diet with you if you were struggling.. I agree with mussolini9. Frankly, just because his partner diets with him does not mean he’s going to magically find the willpower to stick to his diet and healthy eating. I would help by not encouraging unhealthy eating, but she is right that it is the dieter’s responsibility to change their habits, regardless of gender. She’s hiding treats, not eating them in front of him, and he’s actively searching for them and eating them. He needs to find some willpower on his own.

How many couples do you know where one is a healthy weight and the other obese? Lots, right and so do I.

So clearly one person eating well isn’t enough to change the eating habits of the other. There is NOTHING that you can( or should ) do to stop another adult eating what they want, short of locking them up.

I know the Op is well intentioned but she needs to back right off and leave him to it. At the moment she is taking on responsibility for fixing him and he will thwart her at every turn and blame her for his weight.

If you had the dinners you wanted, he'd probably feel fuller and snack less.

Best thing is to tell him you don't want to hear it until he stops snacking.

I would be supportive, but at the end o the day it is his choice. He needs to get into the correct mind set and banning at home wont stop him eating outside.
But he doesn't get to moan on about your food choices, or nick your treats.
I take issue to this, if my DH kept buying treats whilst I was dieting, I would definitely being have words.

I think you should support him and stick to healthy snacks. It would be good for your son, you don't want him to end up overweight too. I dislike the whole having junk as a treat thing. You don't need to treat yourself with food, you are not a dog.

Snacking is a lifestyle thing, and that's probably what he needs to change - the mindset that gets him into it.

What I'd suggest is to absolutely ringfence YOUR snacks, put them in a tub labelled "For the pregnant one!" - that'll give him a mental jog every time he goes trawling for munchies.

If he still eats yours, toss him in the sea.

I take issue to this, if my DH kept buying treats whilst I was dieting, I would definitely being have words.

Why? If you get a headache, does he have to take an aspirin?

OP is HIDING the treats. She's not waving them in his face while gloating. It's not her responsibility. Neither are your nutritional/dietary choices your DH's responsibility. Why can't people just take charge of their own decisions, & stick with them?

I don't think there's anything wrong with having the food that I want in the house