To ask you to help me plan DS 1st birthday

[Thegracefuloctopus]

I rarely get responses off other boards so hoping AIBU can help me out.

DS will be 1 in October. We do not want a big thing made of his birthday, he is 1 for goodness sake. But we do want to celebrate, as do family.
We need to somehow organise something that accommodates everyone, plus babies, and DH parents can't be in the same room. Well, they can, but you wouldn't want to be in the room with them!
DH doesn't have a great relationship with his mum but a fab relationship with his dad. They both have partners. However, DH family are the ones with all the babies that my DS sees all the time.
I refuse to rent a function room for a 1st birthday and frankly, wouldn't be able to afford to even if I did want to go massibly over board, which I don't.
We live in a small 2 up 2 down. Not a lot of hosting space.
Current idea is as follows:
Open house on the Saturday before his birthday. People can pop in during this day. Specified time for babies to play which works around the general nap times (I. E start at 2) but how long should this go on for? (side note, any ideas for a little activity table I can put together or themed play?)
Both PIL will want to come at this point because all their grandchildren will be together but house will be massively over crowded if that happens.
We would have both SIL, one BIL, 2 DNeph's who are baby and toddler, and 1 DNeice who is 11. Plus PIL and partners who don't speak to each other. We have 1 sofa and 2 dining chairs!
Would it BU for us to say to PIL they can't come during baby time?
Then you have my parents who have said they will fit in with whatever but DM is making his birthday cake and I want her to be and feel it's only fair for her to be there when it is cut... During baby time.
At the moment, my only hope is that we have a very late heat wave and can bbq and space everyone out accross the house and garden.
Then we have to consider friends and his uncles on my side (who arnt usually bothered about DS but this is an opportunity for them to show off and flash their cash so no doubt they will want in.) Do people usually invite baby friends for 1st birthdays? I have friends DS and I made and kept over mat leave but with them too it will be manic.
Food plan is to set up a buffet for people to pick at as they please (mainly to remind me to eat!). I also don't want to spread this out over a few days, our time is pressed as it is with dh work.
Oh and just to complicate matters, FIL partners grandsons birthday is the same day. His mum is the type of person to plan her DS party for the same day to make it difficult on FIL.
Help me plan this please!! I am possibly over thinking this

You are way over thinking this. He is 1. Plan a nice day out you and your partner and child. Think zoo, or aquarium type thing. If you want a 'party' - hire a local community centre, party is for 2 hours - say 2-4...hire is usually 3 hours to allow 1/2 hour prep and 1/2 hour tidy up. Specify afternoon tea and cake....e.g. a few sandwiches, crisps and cakes. Let anyone who wants to come to come and don't worry about those who don't. have a CD player with some kiddy songs you can sit in a circle and do actions too. A box of toys. Some colouring/craft for older kids. Some helium balloons as decoration but to use as party bag for the babies. Don't stress.

We plan to have a day out as the 3 of us on his actual birthday. My worry with hiring somewhere is that we don't have enough people to justify it. We are kind of in between too many for our house but not enough to hire somewhere

You dont have to hire a huge hall. We hired a meeting room at a local school which was big enough for 20-30 people for 1st birthday, and a play cafe for 20 people for 2nd birthday. Many halls-for-hire have smaller rooms within the same building (often called meeting rooms or function rooms) so maybe you could hire one of those rather than the big hall.

Bloody hell, yes you are over thinking. Just have it at your house or if too small, hire a small hall or put a gazebo up in the garden and dress warmly if cold. invite whoever you think will care, get your husband to tell his parents that they will be asked to leave if they argue and ruin in. Everyone had a bit of cake and leaves!

Normally it's either a meet up or a day out, or if other children are coming it's a soft play type place.

Usually, if Families got on, it would be a tea party/buffet at home. You'd still have a drop in system, but you'd tell people the time you're doing the cake.

Yup, you are overthinking this and making it way more complicated than it needs to be.
A 2 hour party at your house, with hopefully decent enough weather to spill out into the garden.

There are loads of halls around us. But by the time you have a table up for food, another couple to sit around, some blankets on the floor for parents and babies to sit on - along with the changing bags, a couple of buggies etc etc you will be grateful for a little space. Also by doing that and having a definite start and end time you don't over commit yourself to having to host all day - which can be very stressful especially with a tired, over excited little one. Plan the party time so it's not over usual nap time. But don't stress if he sleeps through most of it. It happens.

Strip away all the complicated family relationships. None of those are your problem. If adults can't behave or tolerate the company of an ex spouse then that's their problem, not yours.
Stick to doing it at home and the open house idea. You could stipulate that it is from 2 until 5pm for example and the cake cutting will be at 3.30pm. Then that gives people the option to turn up at 2 and leave just after the cake cutting or turn up at 3.15 and stay until the end.
As for whether to invite friends or not, I'd probably say no, just keep it to family. You can always organise a 1st birthday get together (park + picnic?) with your maternity leave friends, after all many of them will be celebrating 1st birthdays around the same time.

Why cant it be just you your partner and the baby ?

@omione because family want to celebrate with him too it will be just the 3 of us on his actual birthday

If adults can't behave or tolerate the company of an ex spouse then that's their problem, not yours.

Quite.

I am exhausted just reading your plans. It sounds really unpleasant for you!

It sounds really unpleasant for you!

It does feel like the plans are based around everyone else's needs and not ours or DS's. And I haven't even mentioned the fact that SIL likes to go AWOL, dump her kids on people and stress everyone out around her birthday which is 2 days later. No doubt DS birthday will be over shadowed by her

My ds will be one next week. He's having 3 friends round ours for a couple of hours. The babies are all going to play together and there will be food and drink for all parents and babies as well as a birthday cake which I'm going to bake. There will be some balloons and each baby will get a small party bag. Nothing more complicated than that!

Maybe you need to simplify your plans but each to their own. I hope your baby has a nice day whatever you decide.

So put a stop to it and plan something that works for you and your family. I think the open house is a great idea so stick with it. I'd still be inclined to shorten the timings to 3 hours and not all day.
Ask some family if you can borrow some extra chairs. It will be a squeeze but it is only for a hours. We had DDs 2nd birthday in our 2 bed flat at the time. We were lucky to be able to spill into the garden, so hopefully you can too.