To ask how your child has coped with changing primary schools?

[steppyh]

Even if they really don't want too....

Not happening yet but possibly next year when dd will be going into year 4. She has a lovely group of friends now and is so settled, feel sad that I may have to change this for her. She will not want to leave at all :-(

Looking for some positive stories :-)

I don't know about leaving, but I do know that any new comer in to either of my dds primary classes has had the whole class clamouring to be their best friend. They remain popular for years!

@arethereanyleftatall yes I 100% agree with this and I've mentioned this to dd when we've had a chat about it! Something for me to remember if it does happen :-)

As someone who works in a primary school we find that the children settle before the parents.
Most schools have buddy systems to encourage connections.
What does the new school have set up to support new pupils?

@StrumpersPlunkett oh I haven't even got that far yet! It's a year away but just playing on my mind a little bit

We moved school (and country) shortly after the start of YR and Y2, and have now moved back to the UK for the end of Y3 and Y5. We had some tears at leaving the second time, but they slotted right into the last half term of the new school, and we have had a party invite!
Kids are remarkably adaptable.

Any newcomers to DD's class over the years have always been made really welcome.
Mody teachers make a big effort to include, As your DD has friends already she'll settle ok.
Is year 4 about age 7?

I’m a teacher and every new child I’ve taught has been welcomed with open arms by all the other children and has made friends fast.

DD and her bestie became a foursome last year, both of the newbies joined from separate different schools, they all mix very well.
DD is very different to her BF, she can be overwhelming, new girl A is similar to DD, new girl B has more in common with her best friend ,They are 10.

We had to move twice within a year (work reasons) so DS had to go to two different schools in one year but he was absolutely fine, settled in at both schools very quickly and made friends.

I left my primary school at the end of Y5 to go to Germany as my dad was in the military and that’s where he was posted. We coped! We cried and it was hard. But also, children are incredibly resilient and I think it made me much more outgoing and confident as I had to resettle and then come back to the UK to another new school.

We moved twice and both times, my children (girls) settled well. The first move was a tiny bit tricky for my eldest who was then 8...she was very shy back then but a year after, she was well settled with good friends.

We then moved to Australia...oldest was 11 and youngest 7...again, both slotted in amazingly well.

If you sell it as a positive and exciting thing and don't talk about it TOO much, they're fine.

My parents moved my primary school when I was about 7 and I found that everyone already had established friendship groups, and although I made some friends I was always the new girl and the friendships weren’t as strong as the kids who’d known each other since nursery. I wish they’d never moved me, I feel like it had a really big impact on my life.

DD1 is now 12 and she changed Primary 3 times:

• Reception to mid-way through Yr 1 she was at her 1st school.
• Mid-way through Yr 1 - changed school due to relocating near my DM (200 miles away) as I was very sick.
• At the start of Year 6 – changed school due to relocating (45 miles away) to live in a less rural area with more opportunities and better Senior schools.

DD2 is now 10 and she has changed Primary 3 times as well:

• Reception to Yr 3 she was at her 1st school - changed school due to relocating (45 miles away) to live in a less rural area with more opportunities and better Senior schools.
• Year 4 to mid-way through Yr 5 – Her class was badly behaved and there was lots of bullying, which the Teacher felt was “the fault of the Government and the Children’s parents for allowing the children to use Social Media”, and she said she had “tried everything, there’s nothing I can do”. DD2 intervened one day when she saw a boy hitting another with his boot bag and subsequently came home with football stud bruises all over her back, so we removed her immediately.
• Mid-way through Yr 5 onwards (she starts Yr 6 at the same school in September)

I’d recommend the following:
• Preparation! Talk to your DC about moving schools as soon as it has been decided
• Visit the new place during the school day so your DC can get a feeling of what it will be like
• Meet the Teacher - your DC do too – this will help immeasurably on their first day, so when you plan your visit, check that their usual Class Teacher will be there that day
• Consider throwing a Leaving party for their school friends; it’s something to look forward to and should save them from getting too upset in the playground when they are collected on their last day at their old school (as long as the party is afterwards or on a later day!) It is also a chance for you to see their friends parents and exchange contact details with those your DC want to stay in touch with
• Make the effort – stay in touch with their best friends (the friendship may well burn itself out over time, but we’ve found that knowing I’m making the effort has really helped our DDs); visits, email, FaceTime
• Check in with your DC regularly before, during and after the move
• Build a good relationship with the Teacher – perhaps arrange weekly 5 minute catch ups for the first few weeks
• Get the new Teachers email address so you can contact them directly if you have any queries, or if one of your DCs is having a wobble that morning. Morning drop off can be hectic and getting to speak to the Class Teacher for even a couple of minutes is nigh on impossible, email is the quickest and easiest way, especially at that time of day
• If you want to help solidify new friendships quickly, be there at drop off and pick up as this is often when playdates are arranged and parents are more likely to be happy for their DC to come to your house for tea if they’ve met you in person a few times
• If your child is anxious (and if you want to and have the time), volunteer for school trips or to read with your DCs class, or help in the library, it may help them to know you’ll often be in the building somewhere. You’ll usually need to be DBS’d by the school for any of these roles
• Follow up. We spent a lot of time prepping our DDs for their changing schools, but once they had moved, we really only asked how school was going, had they made friends etc. By the 3rd time, I’d learned that I also needed to give them the chance to just ramble on a bit as that would often lead to them telling me about a problem they were worrying about, or a piece of work they hadn’t understood as they hadn’t covered it in their old school(s). For example, I might ask “My lunch time is really boring, I just get my sandwich out of the fridge, go up to the staff room and eat it while I read my book – I bet yours is loads more interesting, I’d love to hear about it! Can you tell me exactly what you do, right from when the bell rings at the start?”

I feel for you @Steppyh – it’s so hard to know if the positives that you see in them changing schools are going to pan out, and whether they are going to outweigh the upset that your child will go through, isn’t it? We had a few tears when the decisions were first made (although there were squeals of joy and happy tears when DD2 got a place at her current school and therefore never had to go back to the school with the bullies!), but I would say that the overall emotion was excitement – with a little bit of nerves! I guess it’s like us starting a new job. Good luck, I really hope everything works out for the best for your family

I think it depends on the child. If she was good at making friends at her old school from day 1 then she will probably be fine.
I have ASD and moved from a school where it had taken me a few years to establish the friendships I had, but to me my friends were my whole life, I was comfortable with the walk to school, my teachers etc. I found the change very hard to cope with.

@transformandriseup thank you, ds has asd which is the reason for the move. I cannot get him in to the sen secondary where I live now

@BetsyBigNose thanks so much for your response! Sounds like your family have been through such a lot - lovely to hear how your dcs have settled in the new school.

We are actually only moving 15/20 mins away from her current school which I realise isn't a lot! I'll still keep her in her dance class which she does with her current school friends and hopefully keep the relationships going.

But I feel like I'd have to move her primary school due to secondary school! All her school friends now would be going to one secondary school and we would be way out of the catchment for that so she wouldn't get in. So my idea to move primary is purely so she has some friendships built up for secondary.

I'm such an anxious mum!! I just hate the thought of it, she's so happy where she is. Eldest ds is autistic and he is the reason for the move, to get him into the right secondary school.

My DC moved primary to a school we felt would suit one of them better. DC 1 went first into yr4 and from day 1 there was no problem despite them being v resistant. DC2 moved in the middle of yr 3 and also had no problems although easier perhaps as sibling already there.
That being said, the move to secondary is very different and my experience has been that they make new friends so disruption now might not protect her in year 6 , that might just be our area though as there are lots of different senior schools .

@Stepyh - I think moving Primary schools so that your DC can go to a particular Secondary school already having friends is a really valid reason. It was actually our main reason for moving from the last place we lived to the exciting, busy (compared to what we'd become used to!) city we live in now, as where we were had only one small Senior school, with a not-so-great OFSTED and what we felt was quite an insular feeling to it. Most of the people in the very small town had been to that school from 11-16, had married young, were still friends with the same people (there was even a Mum at school, the same age as me, who still wasn't talking to another school Mum since they had fallen out at 14 when one had kissed the other girl's boyfriend at a school disco – this was 25 years ago!! ) and were still in the same jobs they'd got straight from school - it just felt very limited in its outlook and I think the Senior school was basically the breeding ground for this perspective, we wanted more for our daughters, so we went and looked for it!

We moved 45 miles away, to our new city and DD1 joined her new Primary school (one of the main feeder Schools for the Secondary we wanted her to go to) at the start of Yr 6. We hoped she would make some friends so that she'd have people she knew with her in the same boat during those first few daunting weeks at Senior school, and she did - and it helped!

There's another thread on here today about moving from South to North which touches on children having to move Primary schools, and the advantage of doing it either before or at the start of Yr 6. I wrote this on there:

"When DD1 moved up to Senior School, she had 5 children from her class at Primary in her Tutor Group, so the first few weeks were less daunting than if she had had to walk in on her own. Having girls she knew with her gave her the courage to approach others, so she was able to make friends more easily than she might have if she'd also been alone and her confidence has really grown."

I'm anxious too, and DD1 is just an ever so slightly shorter, blonder version of me (I know just how her brain works and can tell exactly what she's thinking - I can honestly read her like a book!), she is also a little anxious at times. I really downplay my anxiety in front of the children (they have no idea how bad it actually is), because I don't want them to shy away from telling me their problems, or stop confiding in me cos they're worried it'll make me anxious. It was anxiety inducing to make the decision to take them away from their previous Primary, as they were both so happy there; the teaching was fantastic and they each had a lovely, tight-knit group of friends, but once we had explained it all and they were able to see the bigger picture, they understood that we needed to move to be able to fulfil their longer term ambitions (like going to University - hardly anyone who went to the not-so-great Senior school back in the small town we lived in even applied for Uni, let alone got in and of those who did, it was a regular occurrence for them to drop out and come home - the 'small town life' had been drilled into them from birth and the whole place just reeked of a lack of ambition).

I'm just so glad we moved for so many reasons - it was absolutely the right decision for our family!