To want sterilisation well under 30?

[tippytoesah]

I've got a fabulous DC. I do not want any more DC. No thank you.

I tried the pill, I didn't get on with any of them. Dodgy periods, cramping, psycho mood swings.

The implant made me bleed for 6 months to no end.

I fell pregnant on the Mirena coil.

I am now pregnant again and on the copper coil! Both fitted by separate health professionals, so no chance of application error. No signs that my cervix isn't favourable for one.

I've bloody well had enough. I am absolutely sick of contraction methods either failing me or causing absolutely havoc to my cycles and mood. Dare I say it but it quite possibly impacts my state of wellbeing.

And what for? I don't know. Nothing. I don't want any more children. This seems incredibly unfair to make me suffer on when I could just be sterilised/tubes tied for good.

Has anyone successfully been taken seriously at a young(ish) age?

I'm so fed up >

If it's £2k then probably not. But if it is under £800 then I'd be more than happy to pay it....

I have just had it done privately. It was £2500.

Sterilisation is not 100% effective, and also the tubes can rejoin.

They now recommend removing the Fallopian tubes as it reduces risk of ovarian cancer later in life. This will also improve the chances of sterilization not working.

Might have to be a belt and braces approach of pill plus condom plus abstinence at fertile time or something until you get a bit older.

Well that's no way to actively enjoy a sex life. There's no bloody way I'm doubling up constantly, I'm a married woman ffs. And avoiding during fertile times when sex is often most enjoyable for me? No, that's rubbish.

tippy, the public purse has no obligation to perform an unneccessary surgery on you for free just because you want it. When I wanted to be sterilised (i have no children and never wanted any), I paid it from my own pocket. it is expensive, but you can ask for a loan, and it will cost much less than maintaining a single child.

if you have private health insurance, sometimes it cover sterilisation after a number of years paying the premium, this could be another option you might like to look into.

I do recommend you to stop looking at it as something you're entitled, because it is not. You want to destroy a part of your body that is working perfectly well, because you don't want to use it. Fair enough, but don't ask everyone else to pay for it. It is only fair that they will have certain requirements to offer this surgery on the NHS. The materials, drugs, hospitals and professionals involved do not work for free nor are they cheap.

@aurynne why do you have to use such a nasty tone when communicating?!

Also your argument is a fallacy. I quote:

“You want to destroy a part of your body that is working perfectly well, because you don't want to use it. Fair enough, but don't ask everyone else to pay for it.”

This is just vindictive at best, but worse, it misses the point that it costs the state far less overall if someone has a sterilisation procedure, than an actual child costs in healthcare, benefits etc over its lifetime.

So unless you expect the OP to destroy her relationship by practicing complete abstinence, then surely this option (sterilisation) is far better than the costly alternative to society as above.

Sorry though that this argument stops you from putting the boot in, which I forget is the “whole point”’of AIBU

If you’ve had so many problems in the past and you’re so desperate not to have kids, why aren’t you using condoms?

Also - just because you paid for something yourself, doesn’t mean we have to shut down the opportunity for anyone else to have it free.

The OP is being responsible and using foresight about contraception and this is laudable in my view, she is clearly at the end of her tether.

The whole point of our health system is not to differentiate through income but deal with need.

If at the time of your decision, you chose to pay out of your own pocket, then that is very generous of you, but paying for healthcare is not like the collection plate at church, it’s not a generosity to society thing. People are taxed, everyone is eligible if there is need. For me the OP squarely falls into the category of need and I hope our health service can be of help here

I respect your opinion GinDaddy, however why do you think it is "vindictive" to expect someone who wants an elective procedure to finance it themselves? The NHS is in a dire situation and sometimes unable to offer treatment to people who are in real need of it.

The OP sounds to me like the archetypical millenial who just "wants something now" and expects to have it offered in a tray to her, according to her last comment: "Well that's no way to actively enjoy a sex life. There's no bloody way I'm doubling up constantly, I'm a married woman ffs".... well, in that case organise sterilisation at your own cost, it really is the fastest, most effective way of having what you want. For me it's just logical really, however if someone chooses to see it as offensive or "vindictive", perhaps they should have not posted on AIBU?

"The whole point of our health system is not to differentiate through income but deal with need. " --> absolutely agree, but the OP has no "need" to be surgically sterilised, she could choose to double up in contraception as many other couples do, however she does not find that convenient.

DP was sterilised at 21. Medical ""reasons"". We were young and naive. We've regretted it for pretty much the entire last 10 years. Our two children are a blessing and we love them dearly, they are our world (despite being grown and older shits nowadays ), and would do anything for them, but we feel we were robbed of the chance for "one more", and tbh, I think it will forever be haunting us - that niggle at the back of our minds. Something we'll take to the grave.

I wouldn't get sterilised at 30, you're so, so, very young. Don't underestimate what can happen in life.

Oh, and DP had two nightmare pregnancies requiring numerous paramedics and hospital admissions.

Yanbu

If the problem is that people will regret it and ask for a reversal or ivf and the Nhs doesn't want to pay for those then they should just make you sign a contract.

I don't get the not pressuring DH bit, he willingly agreed to get the snip at 33 as having another baby wouldn't have been fair on either of us, why can't you let DH play his part.

The reason they are quicker to snip is that a MUCH less invasive (and significantly cheaper) procedure.

I day this as someone who cannot take any hormonal contraception and for whom the coil was not an option, who is also extremely fertile (pregnant 11 times, 3DCs).

This is a joint decision regarding your future together so please let DP take part too.

We’re childfree by choice and my DH had a vasectomy in his 20s. I’d like to be sterilised too and I’m in the process of jumping through the hurdles.

Sorry if I'm being thick here, but why do you need to do that when your DH is already sterilised?

I as 27 when I was sterilised. Never regretted it

why can't you let DH play his part.

Because the majority of men do not want to remove their virility. DPs father has eight kids by seven women, and is still "spreading his seed". NC, he can do one.

I wouldn't get sterilised at 30, you're so, so, very young. Don't underestimate what can happen in life.

How would you have felt if someone said that to you when you told them you were pregnant?

tippy, the public purse has no obligation to perform an unneccessary surgery on you for free just because you want it.

Do you feel the same about IVF?

"The whole point of our health system is not to differentiate through income but deal with need. " --> absolutely agree, but the OP has no "need" to be surgically sterilised, she could choose to double up in contraception as many other couples do, however she does not find that convenient.

What about people who actively choose to become pregnant which costs the NHS thousands? They have no "need" to have a baby.

I tried in my 20s and got nowhere, although I didn't have children, was told ohhh you will change your mind when youre older . Dh was able to get a vasectomy done privately a lot cheaper so we went with that.

I was sterilised at 23, I only ever wanted two children and my body doesn't deal well with being pregnant. Also I got pregnant while using different contraceptives and also had a few miscarriages too which were horrible. My body also doesn't like contraception either, it makes me the worse person in the world and really ill. So they were quite happy to do it in my situation :)
Just make sure that you are definitely done having children before getting it done as once it is done, the idea of having something you never can again can play on your mind sometimes and if you have any doubt then you will regret it.

• I wouldn't get sterilised at 30, you're so, so, very young. Don't underestimate what can happen in life.

How would you have felt if someone said that to you when you told them you were pregnant?*

Well, it was DP pregnant, not I. She agreed to being sterilised due to two shit pregnancies with numerous issues, paramedic callouts and hospital admissions.

Her condition is able to be far better controlled a couple of decades later, and if she'd known this was going to happen then I doubt she'd have agreed.

That's what I meant with my comment - things (OH/medical management etc) can change over time.

"tippy, the public purse has no obligation to perform an unneccessary surgery on you for free just because you want it.

Do you feel the same about IVF? "

No, because people who are sterile have a part of their body which is not working (the reproductive system), same as anyone else getting treatment for any other condition, which is effectively what IVF is. Biologically the reproductive system is actually the most important system in the body, regardless whether some of us choose not to use it. The OP, however, has absolutely nothing wrong with her body. She does not need medical care.

aur Yes but it isn't impacting their general health. And a possibly resulting child will cost the NHS thousands in it's lifetime, more so if it's multiples ethic increases risk wise with IVF.

And by your opinion of view, procedures that aren't medically necessary shouldn't be there for such taking. Having a child isn't a necessity at all

aurynne I could have been sterilised on the NHS. In fact the consultant said he was perfectly happy to transfer me to his NHS waiting list to save me paying for it. I still went privately because I wanted the luxury of choosing when to have the operation and I didn't want to wait a long time and more importantly I had the money to make that choice.

Sterilization is a perfectly valuable choice of contraception and why shouldn't women have that rather than relying on hormones etc. The cost is very low when you compare how much a pregnancy will cost the state if the women chooses to continue with it.

Can I point out to posters on here that if a male wrote a post saying “I’d like a vasectomy” and the posters replied “tell your wife to get sterilised” then there would be an outcry.

If you want to be sterilised then I would ask for it but I honestly don’t understand the view that your fertility is a man’s issue

Yanbu but doctors are super reluctant to sterilise under 30 (I have a friend who knew she didnt want kids ask in her 20s. She has since had a baby to appease her DP and is resenting the child and miserable as predicted)